I was buying frozen veggies to use to make shepherd's pie and becaue it is going to snow tomorrow everyone and their cousin was stocking up on bread, milk and eggs because everyone around here live on French toast when it's snowy.
The lines were a mile long and I remembered the beer/wine line permits 5 or fewer items IF you buy beer or wine. It was really a short, fast moving line and worth the $1.25 to buy a beer with. I grabbed a loosie.
As I was standing in line a woman in front of me with 4 or 5 items and a bottle of wine knew exactly what I was doing and commented, "One for the ride home, huh?" I chuckled.
Karen behind me started babbling about how it was against the law to drink and drive.
"Don't worry, Lady. I know where all the potholes are so I won't hit one and spill any."
Wide eyed, she protested, "But it's against the law to drink and drive!"
"It doesn't apply to me because I am an outlaw," I replied and turned to the woman that had teased me about buying one for the road.
"Protip. Every time I get thrown in jail I tip the cop five bucks if he doesn't bang my head on the car roof when he stuffs me into the back seat." I made it sound like it happened very few days.
"Thank you. That's a good thing to know," she said, seriously. "Five bucks, huh?"
"Unless it's a felony. Then it's ten because cops hate felony busts because the paperwork ties them up for hours."
She had been doing the same thing I had been doing which is we were looking at the look of outrage on Karen's face which was priceless.
She looked like she'd seen the ghost of Charlie Starkweather or maybe Charles Manson.
And that is a pretty good day.
One thing that amazes me, is how many people seem to feel comfortable with confronting you in public. It is not a regional thing - I live down 79, in Washington county, and this is almost unheard of. Perhaps you have a very inviting face?
ReplyDeleteI have been told a couple of time that when I'm fairly relaxed my face makes me look like a total mark to those that mistake kindness for weakness. It's been both a blessing and a curse.
ReplyDeleteThat and there is no shortage of busybodies in this area. I admit I sometimes bait them for entertainment.
ReplyDeleteThat is the truth. The further north you go in Allegheny county, the worse people are to do work for. Get up to Wexford, or Bradford Woods, and the average person has a stick up their arse.
DeleteI would not like to be a tradesman in this area. There are a lot of the ilk that ask for a bid to tear out all of , say, the old plaster and replace it with sheetrock and say they don't want you to make a mess.
DeleteWhen I hired subs to remediate after the fire at about 1115 I'd run around asking the guys what they wanted for lunch and they'd go into shock. A lot of people in this area wouldn't even offer to let them use the damned bathroom.
When a new sub would show up the first thing I'd say is "Shitter's through the hatch, take a right. You're men and know the rules."
Faces would light up like I'd given them a winning lottery ticket.