Festivus is coming

Festivus is coming up in a few days and I am ready for it.

Last year a day or so after Festivus I knew I would be at sea again for the holiday which I had mistakenly attributed to a Jewish guy who had made the holiday up.

I decided to log it as a Jewish holiday and decided that a yarmulke would be the appropriate headwear for the holiday so I went on a website I am a member of and asked if anyone knew where I could buy a yarmulke, preferably one with ‘Happy Festivus’ embroidered on it.

The thread almost turned into a train wreck as a number of gentiles came charging in telling me I was being offensive to the Jewish members, but I had done my homework. I knew in advance that not a whole lot of Jews were likely to take offense.

Instead I was asked by a number of Jews for my mailing address and when I got home there were several yarmulkes in my mailbox, including one that had been embroidered with ‘Happy Festivus’. In a few days I will wear that one with pride.

A few minutes before I sat down to write this I Googled the holiday up and was surprised to find out that the actual originator of the holiday is a man named Dan O’Keefe which sounds pretty Irish to me.

I suppose that means I ought to wear a tam or something else, but I do not think I will, or at least this year. I think I will stick to the yarmulke. Maybe I will wear a tam next year. I’ll think about it.

A few years back one of my nieces asked me what it meant to be Jewish and I told her it was kind of like being Irish but they Jews do a better job of corned beef. My sister started to open her mouth to answer, but stopped and furrowed her brows for a second.

“You’re right,” she said. “They do a better job on corned beef.”

I have known this for decades and generally celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by getting my corned beef and cabbage at a Jewish deli somewhere in the form of a corned beef on rye and a side of slaw.

I hate that boiled corned beef and cabbage Ma used to make every March 17th and after I left the house every St. Pat’s Day she would ask me if I had gotten my corned beef and cabbage.

One year a Jewish fish buyer overheard me on the phone telling my mom that I had gotten my corned beef and cabbage and chided me for telling my mother a fib. He treated the crew of the boat I was on to corned beef sandwiches and slaw. A new St. Patty’s Day custom was born.

When we thanked him, he laughed. “Anything to keep you Irish bums from lying to your mothers,” he said.

There are a couple of yarmulkes at home that are basic black and maybe what I’ll do in the future is to put a shamrock on one and wear it on St. Patrick’s day in honor of the Jews that have kept me from lying to my mother all of these years.

This really isn’t too good of a time for me and I generally do not do well over the holidays but for some reason I look forward to Festivus. I have written this post to thank a few people.

First I’d like to thank a certain someone that snagged me a nice piece of aluminum pipe that we use as a Festivus pole.

Then I’d like to thank a couple of Jews that have a pretty good sense of humor and sent me a few yarmulkes, especially the guy that sent me the one with ‘Happy Festivus’ embroidered on it.

Thanks, guys for brightening up my holidays.




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