Strippers, Klansmen and do gooders seem to attract to me

I do not know why it is but I seem to be a magnet for certain types.

While hookers generally give me a pretty wide berth, strippers tend to draw to me. There is a convenience store I hit every so often next to a strip joint and if there is a stripper in it either going to or leaving the club she will approach me for something nine times out of ten. I do not know why this is, but it happens.

It really isn't all that complimentary, either as strippers are generally not that attractive or bright even though Hollywood portrays them as such. So I really can't say I'm bragging.

I am not really the strip club type. I find them depressing places, probably because I worked in one about thirty years ago. The last time I was in one was a few years back when I got a call from someone to help him scrape a couple of people up. When I got the call to help him out I cringed.

Sure enough, during the ten or fifteen minutes I was in the club it seemed that every one of the strippers approached me for something or another. I must have something tattooed on my face or something. Who knows?

I sure the hell can't seem to figure it out.

The next group that seems to approach me and try and take me under their wing are either the racists or anti-semites. God knows why as I am a very hard nosed straight down the line non-racist person you can imagine.

Still the Klansmen seem to come out of the woodwork and try and take me aside and drag me into thair brotherhood. The next step is generally when they find out I ain't gonna cop to that crap and they instantly turn on me. When they do that they generally assume I am some sort of a weakling and start in on me.

They generally find out otherwise. A while ago I had one try and take me under his wing and when I set him straight he turned on me with thinly veiled threats which I quickly quashed by simply asking him which lung he wanted me to install a nice, painful sucking chest wound into. That got his attention. I Then I gave him my name and address and begged him to show up at my door. I pleaded with him until he got a bit freaked out and left.

Anti-Semites seem to pop up every so often, but these are pretty much the easiest ones to get rid of. I simply show them my JPFO card and it scares the hell out of them. There is nothing that scares the hell out of an anti-semitic bigot worse than an armed, well trained Jew. While the bigot is a bigot and by definition he is stupid, most of them are not stupid enough to know about the Israeli commandos.

I generally don't whip the JPFO card out until after I've played with him a bit first, though. I hear him out and listen to his grand conspiracy theories, generally they end with 'the Jews stealing all the gold' and sometimes I play along if the guy is gullible and add a few details.

My favorite was the time I convinced one guy that the Jewish conspiracy was responsible for sinking Titanic. "Plotted by a Rosenberg, financed by a Goldberg and sunk by an Iceberg," I told him.

The best part was that he believed it. I later heard he added that to his anti semitic crap and started telling other people and making a fool out of himself.

While I draw more than my fair share of strippers and bigots, the biggest pains in the ass are the do-gooders that I seem to draw like a magnet.

These are the ones that Treat me like a small child that can't take care of himself and these are really more aggravating that the strippers and bigots put together. I hate being treated like a small child and these are the ones that think they're so much better than anyone else.

They are really the easiest of the others to leave stuttering, though because if you know how to count you can generally boggle their mind. Do gooders are generally of the mind that it's OK for them to spend someone else's money. WHen reminded of this they generally go a little slack-jawed.

On course when one approaches me with a right idea I generally extol all of the wonderful virtues of their creative and innovative idea and then ask them how they intend to finance this wonderful idea. It generally leaves them stuttering.

While I find the strippers mildly amusing, the bigots to be mildly annoying, embarrassing the Do-gooders seems to give me the most satisfaction.






my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/