Yesterday I crossed swords with the jerk down the road.

Twice.

The first was in the morning while I was doing my annual spring planting. I was using a half-gallon Jim Beam bottle for my iced tea and he wandered by.

The kid across the street saw him first and came over like a shot because he doesn't like the old bastard, either.

When the old bastard was passing in front of my yard the kid picked up the Beam bottle and sucked down about 12 ounces of iced tea. The old man started to pitch a fit. He babbled all sorts of angry stuff about giving liquor to kids.

Of course, I told him that the poor kid was just trying to wash the dope out of his system and to give him a break.

He got angrier until I pointed out that the kid must have a hollow leg if he can pound down 12 ounces of 86 proof liquor without effect.

That's when he figured out he's been had and he walked away snarling.

The next time we crossed swords was a few hours later when I went out to pick something up. I was driving the Miata. I drive that slower than I do the pickup, especially on the street I live on. For what it's worth I drive everything slowly on that street because it is the responsible thing to do.

Anyway, I went around the corner and the old bastard yelled at me to slow down. I was doing a mile or two under the speed limit when he did this.

This guy is the older guy that mows his lawn about four or five times a week and has bugged me about joining the HOA which has caused sparks to fly. 

I stopped and approached him and he looked shocked. Most likely because every he has yelled at just kept on driving.

I got out and told him I was driving responsibly and if he didn't like it he should call the police and offered him my cell phone. He stood there not knowing what to do.

Then I hit a pretty sore subject. He gets hit pretty hard on Halloween.

I told him that the reason he wakes up on November first to having to clean up a mess of toilet paper, eggs and paint on his lawn is his own doing. He reaps what he sows. Then I pointed out that the Roundup people now have a defoliant that lasts for a full year and if he keeps being so cranky he's likely to wind up with half his lawn reduced to black, sterile earth compliments of the neighborhood kids.

He's not too likely to change but I would imagine he'll keep clear of me for a while.

Still, he's stupid. He'll keep after the neighborhood kids and wind up with another mess to clean up come November first.





To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY