I get along quite well with my ex-wife.

She can be pretty funny at times. Someone asked her how she and I happen to know each other and she replied that she was the first of my six ex-wives. Of course this means that people that don't know me very well will ask me if I've really been married six times and I will likely reply that I have been married seven times because I am married now.

This is one of the tricks I learned in life. Admit to anything unless it is somewhat depraved. If it is, then I declare my innocence and then confess to something that is truly depraved.

I have been married twice but let us not let facts spoil a good story.

"Seven times?" they will ask me increulously.

"Well, that's if you count number four," I'll likely reply.

"I don't even know the name to number four because I first laid eyes on her when I woke up next to her in a parked rental car in a Las Vegas wedding chapel parking lot."

"Huh?"

"I was partying in Vegas and my runnin' pard and I got seperated and I got pretty fried. When I woke up it was with a showgirl I'd picked up somewhere. I was sick as hell and when I came to I noticed a piece of paper on the dashboard. It was a wedding decree and my name was on it. I looked at the girl and checked my wallet and noticed it was empty so I emptied her purse. She had a wad of cash so I figure she must have rolled me. I grabbed about half of it and went back into the wedding chapel and gave the guy $200 to make the wedding go away. I never heard from anyone so I guess it didn't get registered so I was off the hook on that one."

Now the look of shock comes. "You woke up in Las Vegas married to someone and you don't even know her name?"

"Hey, you know how it is. Whaddya want? I was partyin'. So I got a little toasted.She was hot. So what?" 

"Didn't she wonder what was going on when she came to?"

"Nah. When I came back after I left the wedding chapel she as up and about. Standin' next to the car putting her clothes back on. I made a U-turn and went somewhere looking for greasy eggs and stuff so I could puke and feel better. After breakfast I was walking back to the car and she walked right past me and didn't recognize me so I figured I'd never hear about it again which I didn't." 

If they are foolish enough to believe this kind of thing then you have just started something that is interesting to watch. It is so outrageous it will get around and fast. It won't be long before it gets back to you.

A few years back I was shopping with my niece and her two kids and I ran into someone that recognized me from high school and I had a ball when she asked me what I had done since high school.

I explained to her that I had done time for a murder I didn't commit but was exhonorated by DNA testing and when I got out a couple of years ago I decided to get married and have a family and here's my wife and two daughters and pointed to the niece and kids.

If course, my niece knows how I am and simply held out the baby and said how good a father I was.

After the old classmate left the niece kicked me in the shin and left it sore for months and complained to her mom who is my sister. She got no sympathy, though. She thought it was as funny as I did.

It got back to me a while late when a high school reunion was announced. It had gotten back to someone and I was asked if I was going to bring my family. 

I guess something is wrong with me but the truth is it's a lot of fun just keeping them guessing. 





To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY