The dream came back the other night.

It starts where I save New York City and destroy my truck in the process.  i don't even know how, it begins after the alleged swashbuckling takes place. 

Of course, the mayor wants to give me the key to the city which I hve no use for. All I want is my simple 2 wheel drive, manual transmission Toyota replaced.

It's really quite simple. You go to the nearest Toyota dealer or scout around and find a base truck with a 5 speed and hand it over to me.

My truck is replaced, the city is saved. I'm happy, the city is happy and everyone is happy.

Does it happen that way in my dream?

NooOOOoooOOOooo.

No way in hell. That would be too easy.

The Mayor gets up and wants to replace my simple four cylinder manual transmission Toyota pick 'em up with a humongous 8 cylinder loaded behemoth!

Of course, he's astonished I don't want the monsterous land boat they want to palm off on me. I just want my simple truck replaced.

It really IS that simple.

When he asks me why I don't want a V-8 or power windows I simply tell him that those things break and have to be fixed and that a V-8 uses too much gasoline.

As with most big shots they do not know how a simple man thinks or what he wants. He thinks that everyone wants the biggest and baddest. Like most elected officials he's wrong. Some of us just like what we like.

He also wants the show New Yorkers how cool he is.

The replacement now has nothing to do with replacing my destroyed vehicle and everything to do with garnering votes. The Mayor wants to be seen as a generous, kind and grateful soul. Truth be known, he doesn't give a damn about Piccolo at this point.

Finally I cave in and accept the behemoth and have a tow truck show up to haul it off. A shocked mayor asks me why I don't just drive it away.

I tell him I don't know how to drive an automatic transmission and his jaw drops. He never thought that maybe someone didn''t want a slush pump tranny simply because he doesn't like them.

The truck goes on the back of the dealer's tow away vehicle and I hop in with the driver and we go back to the dealer where it came from in the first place and I trade it in and get what I wanted in the first place plus a pretty good wad of cash.

The dealer, being slick has called in a reporter friend of his from the Daily Whatever and hears my side of the story and leaves laughing. I guess the mayor is going to look like an idiot when the morning issue comes out.

Then I take my new truck, the simple one I wanted in the first place but the concept was too difficult for a politician to understand.  Then head to the wrecking yard they sent the old one to so I can salvage my fairly new bed cover. This was followed by a trip to the auto parts store for a couple of other things.

I snag a bug deflector, floor mats and a couple of other things, gas up and with the leftover cash head to Las Vegas. I'm not going there to gamble.

Entering the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop, I spy Rick Harrison.

"Hey, Rick!" I say. "I got the key to the City of New York."

"Want to pawn it or sell it?" he asks. 

"Sell it," I reply.

"Where did you get it?" he asks.

"The Mayor gave it to me last week," I reply.

"Hey... " asks Rick. "Are you that guy..."

"That's me," I reply.

"Why do you want to sell it?" Asks Rick.

"Will it get me into a booze or food store after hours?" I ask.

"Probably not," replies Rick.

"Then it's of no use to me," I say.

The Old man laughs like hell.

"Give him ten grand, Rick," says the Old Man.

"Tell you what," I reply. "Sell it on consignment and take a third for yourself."

"We can do that," says the Old Man.

I hand Rick Harrison the key and now there's one more useless thing I don't have to deal with. Who needs a key that doesn't open anything? 




To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY