Some guy on Nextdoor was griping about the noise a couple of kids were making in the pool the other day. Yeah, he was just a grouch asking for advice and yeah most everyone sided with the kids.
Here's the advice I gave him:
The reason you can't seem to get the kids to quiet down is because you didn't bring anything to the negotiation table. You need something good. You need a siren.
Not some piddly little police car siren that you can only hear for a block and a half , but an honest to God AIR RAID siren with at least a 5 hp motor. The kind of siren that would send the entire city of London scurrying for the subway tunnels back in 1940 about 10 seconds after it was turned on. The Londoners were not afraid of the Heinels bombers that would soon be roaring overhead. They were trying to get away from that damned racket the siren made. That kind of siren.
You now have something to worthwhile negotiate with.
As soon as you hear the kids just spool the siren up and keep it on until the mother comes over the house all wild-eyed and screeching for you to turn it off. Then turn it off so you can hear each other and explain that if she keeps the kids quiet you will keep the siren turned off.
She'll keep the kids quiet, guaranteed.
As for dealing with the other rabid people you have created that are living inside a three mile radius of your place?
You're on your own!
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Needless to say, a few Karens went ape shit.
Of course they don't know how to think. Where in the hell are you going to even get a siren like that?
I suppose they can probably be found but I'd bet a museum piece like an old Civil Defense leftover would cost a fortune and even if you found one it would probably need extensive rewiring.
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Speaking of air raid sirens, I'm thinking of buying one for my grand nephew for Christmas.
It will even the score with my nephew for glomming my flip-flops and making me have to walk across a hot parking lot barefoot a couple of summers ago.
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