Not bad. I've never gotten a bad glass of lemonade from a little kids sidewalk stand and this one even served pretty good cupcakes.
Over the years I have run into mean spirited jerks that have tried to make a big thing out of these childish enterprises because they are untaxed, uninspected and have underaged children working them and so on ad nauseum.
I've gone off on a couple of them over the years and as a result replaced the chip on my shoulder towards people like that with the entire tree. It rests very lightly on my shoulders as I truly enjoy having it there.
Once I told one of them to call the police because the police like good lemonade and many of them enjoy dealing with children. I explained the business for the kids would take a sharp upturn with visits by policemen. Cops like good lemonade, too. It really galled him. Seeing him galled warmed my heart.
There really has to be something wrong with a grownup that wants to stifle an industrious little kid. Kids like that should be nurtured and respected for their efforts to try and make a few bucks at an early age.
While I truly love to see a little kid out there hustling to make a buck and sometimes wonder how many millionaires got started that way, I have to admit that there is an even bigger reason I can't pass a lemonade stand and that's to piss off the miserable people that come along and run their mouths and keyboards about how it is illegal.
I tell them that I love nothing more than helping a young child embark on a life of crime.
Fact is, I also love helping little old ladies enter the criminal sector.
Covid helped that one along and left me with a warm, fuzzy feeling after some exhausted poor old woman found herself walking up to enter the exit and said, "Oh, foo! Now I'm going to have to walk around!"
I was wearing my Humphrey Bogart fedora at the time and ran over and said to the hapless old lady, "Hey, shistah! Let's embark on a crime spree together," and offered her my arm.
She was kinda shocked until she saw my grin and asked me "Who do you think you are? James Cagney?"
"C'mon, gorgeous!" I replied. "Where ya been all my life?"
Now this poor old woman had never done anything wrong in her entire life but at that time she realized that enough was enough. She took my arm and I slowly escorted her in through the out door.
As we went under the door header she said to me, "They'll never take us alive!"
I melted.
Enough IS enough. It was an absolute joy to aid and abet that poor, tired old woman in such a crime as going in the out door.
The type of person that complains about a lemonade stand or other youthful enterprise should be ostracised. The kind of self rightous person that would actually call the police on a little kid like that should have their jaw broken and their fingers smashed..
There is hope, however.
One teenager told me that he was trying to find work mowing lawns and someone asked him if he was licensed, bonded and insured!
"No lady, I'm a criminal. Mow your own damned lawn!" he answered and walked off.
Of course she instantly called the police who asked her for all of the information she could provide and they tracked him down.
I asked him how that worked out and he replied "Pretty good. Cops mow their own lawns but a few of them hire me when they go on vacation. One even hires me to shovel snow when he leaves town to make his house look lived in while he's away."
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I think it was last summer when I wrote about the southern sheriff that raided a lemonade stand with over 40 police cars showing up and officers in full riot gear. The little kid was on page one of the local paper being carted off in handcuffs by shotgun wielding deputies wearing a pretty good mean little kid scowl. There was another picture of him sitting in a cell. It was truly hilarious.(Of course the laundry list of charges were instantly dropped.)
The woman that reported this heinous crime became the laughingstock of the entire county.
Needless to say, the sheriff was re-elected by an insane majority if for no other reason than the entertainmant factor.
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I have found the best way to get away from middle age stupidity is to either eat an ice cream cone with a 5 year old girl or split a half pint of bourbon with a 90 year old man.
The little girl is too young to know any better and the old man doesn't care anymore.
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