Every single time I get thrown in jail....

is something I say from time to time. I say it casually to make it sound like a weekly event.

I did it in earshot of a cop once and watched him cover his mouth to hide a big smirk.

Someone was griping about something and I replied, "I know what you mean. Every time I get thrown in jail I always get stuck with a groper on either side of me. I generally break the fingers of one of them and sleep on that side of the cell. Problem is if you sleep in the middle of the cell then both perverts grope you all night. And don't get me started about the pyromaniac that kept setting his mattress on fire and practically asphyxiating me. Happens practically every single time."

Or someone was complaining about some minor ailment and the antibiotics they were taking.

"Hey, that sounds like the stuff they used to give me every time I got the clap. That stuff isn't too bad. Nowadays the clap has gotten resistant to it. Hell, nowadays it's harder to get rid of the clap than it is to get rid of syphilis. The syph used to take weeks to get rid of but the last time I had it they knocked it out pretty quickly."

"Oh...that. I didn't do it and the cops know I didn't do it because they know that at the time I was burglarizing a place down the street. The can't pin the burglary on me either because when they shook me down I didn't have any stolen goods on me because I'd already fenced everything."

At the bank while getting a stack of ones to use to send in lieu of stamps to request QSL cards:

No. I am not having a garage sale. Bubbles is working at the club tonight!"

That one was a classic because the octagenarian woman behind me was  pretty quick on the uptake. She was also pretty top heavy and had her rather large badges of femininity encased what was probably a bullet bra made of the stuff them make seat belts out of. 

She stuck her enormous bosom out and asked me in a loud voice, "They having a wet T-shirt contest, too?"

That brought the house down.

Of course the people I say things like this to are generally split pretty much down the middle. They either catch the sarcasm or believe every word of it. The ones that believe everything generally get pretty nervous and are fun to watch. 

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY