I got my birthday back. The Pentagon can kiss my ass.

Here's part of the back story:I was actually 22 at the time.


I have also sent a form into the Pentagon a couple of months ago and not heard from them.



I found my old battalion is still in service but they are now a training battalion. No guns for them anymore. I also got their phone roster.

Now anyone knows that the key to a successful foray is to recon the AO. I got on the horn to a couple of the various S-1, S-2 and S-3 shops in BnHQ and gave one of them a call. A sergeant answered.

I explained what happened to me forty years ago and asked how to get in touch of the Headquarters Battery First Sergeant. I was informed that the new battalion format had no Headquarters Battery anymore. I would have to talk to the First Sergeant of one of the lettered batteries.

I asked for a suggestion for which battery's First Sergeant to ask for and he told me that he'd ask First Sergeant Gabon and gave me his number. I wrote it down.

I also asked him what the consensus of the Sp/4 Mafia would be in this instance. He told me to stand by a minute and in the background I heard him say, "You gotta hear this guy, Sir. He served in the battalion about 40 years ago. This is funny as hell!"

Less than a minute later he was back and said he handed me off to a Sp/4. I heard the sound of being put on speakerphone and I told him what was going on. He recommended First Sergeant Gabon. Two other voices chorused agreement.

The sergeant took the phone back and asked me why I hadn't called the Sergeant Major and asked him. I told him that my Sergeant Major was the kind of fool that worried about unbuttoned pockets in the middle of a firefight. The sergeant laughed like hell.

"You still know your way around and artillery battalion," said the sergeant. 

"See if you can buy me some time so I can get to Top Gabon before Eagle Six Actual gets wind of this. This is strictly an NCO thing," I said. "I don't want a bunch of officers getting involved and ruining it."

"Wilco," said the good sergeant. "Sir, you DO know your way around an artillery battalion!"

"Household Six thanks you. She's tired of being called a cougar at every family gathering. This ought to fix it," I said.

Two minutes later.


"First Sergeant Gabon," answered the phone.

So I proceeded to tell the First Sergeant the sad tale of woe and the case of the missing birthday and in the middle of the explaination I accidentally called him 'Top' and apologized.

"YOU man call me 'Top'. He said. "It would be an honor! You are making my day." Clearly he was enjoying himself.

"Thank you," I replied.

When I was done explaining how I needed my birthday back for social security and to keep my nephew from calling my wife a cougar and all the other good stuff he laughed.

Then he asked me about what my First Sergeant was like back in the day.

"Short of formal education and full of immense native wisdom," I replied. "And also had the most important qualification of all."

"What is that?" asked First Sergeant Gabon.

"He could easily beat the ever loving holy dog snot out of everyone in the entire battery with one hand tied behind his back." I replied.

"Birthday reinstated," laughed Gabon.

"Thanks, Top!" I said. "Incidentally I did my homework and you were deemed the man for the job."

"Oh?" he asked.

"I called battalion and asked the Sp/4 Mafia which First Sergeant to call and you were the unanimous choice," I said. "I asked for the guy with the biggest fedora and the widest lapels. The sergeant that answered the phone hooked me up with a couple of them."

"The Sp/4 Mafia recommended me? Wow! Thank you," he said.  I knew I had made his day.

"Thank, YOU, Top and have a good day," I said.

"I will, thanks to you," he replied and I hung up.

I now have my birthday back and in a few months I will stop being 22 and become 63 years old.



To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY