I'm enlisted swine. We're SUPPOSED to marry whores, strippers and fat chicks.

I once said to an army major.

Of all of the ranks I had to deal with in the army the worst ones seemed to be majors. Captains ran company sized units, Lieutenant Colonels ran battalions, colonels ran regiments but there were no units to speak of for majors to run.

A majority was sort on a nothing rank that generally gets stuck into staff positions, most of which don't keep him busy enough so he spends time being a pain in the ass to enlisted men and junior officers.

My BnXO was the exception. He was a rough and tumble character that could drink and fight like the best of us. The stories that went around about him were that he had entered the service as an enlisted man.

Anyway, my wife did something so rinky dink I don't even remember what it was. In fact it was so insignificant that I never even bothered to say anything about it to her. She had other things to worry about. I think she turned around using the wrong parking place or something. Maybe it was the unused space reserved for the general or someone.

Some major saw her, asked who she was. Someone told her and I was summoned to the major's office. When I entered the Major was seated. My Battery Commander was standing there. 

I was given a lecture and he explained to me that the conduct of my wife could have a serious effect on my army career.

I feigned innocence and answered, "But Sir," I said. "That only applies to officers and gentlemen. They are expected to marry ladies. I'm enlisted. We're SUPPOSED to marry whores, fat chicks and strippers!" My innocence and nativity shone through so brightly and pure it HAD to be real. 

The major didn't know what to say. He was obviously quite uncomfortable. 

"Uh, Sir," interrupted my BC. "I'll handle this."

The major replied, "Please do."

The two of us left. My BC looked at me and quietly said, "You asshole! You almost made me lose it in there!" He chuckled and then said, "It's OK. You did nothing wrong. Don't worry about it."

Then he broke up laughing and added "Your wife in none of those. Shes really quite charming and very attractive. She'd really make a fine officer's wife."

"I guess I broke the rules, huh?" I asked, rather smugly.

He smirked.

The story never went through the battery like shit through a goose  because the major was too embarrassed to tell anyone and the BC only told the First Sergeant. They kept it under their hat.

The next day I ran into Top. He saw me and smirked.

"Whores, fat chicks and strippers, huh?" he asked. "What about my wife?" He wasn't looking for trouble. He was amused. He was busting my chops.

"I guess we both broke the rules, Huh, Top?"  

'You squirmed out of that one pretty fast," he grinned and we both continued  on our respective errands.




















To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY