Sometimes I scare myself.

One time recently a young buck asked me what kind of women I chased when I was his age.

"Trashy looking top heavy bleached blond divorcees between the ages of 35 and 55," I replied. It was an apply anywhere smart assed answer that I pulled out of my hat instinctively.

The answer came to me out of nowhere and just rolled off of my tongue with no second thought even though it was bull$hit. 

Sometimes it scares me when something like that just flows out of my mouth. I guess my sarcasm is Pavlovian.

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Someone suggested legalizing prostitution

which I agree with in principle but I am taking a dim view of what it would be like realistically. The government would frig up a whorehouse up to a fare-thee-well.

Any decent talent would probably stay in the shadows and work illegally, though. That's where the money would probably be if the governmental rules were applied to a brothel.

First of all Uncle Sam would probably require all madams to hire a quote of handicapped and put racial quotas on the girls and on and on until a guy would walk into the whorehouse parlor and see a collection of female nightmares. 

There's be the drooler in a wheelchair sitting there working a coloring book, some other woman that fell out of the ugly tree and broke every branch on the way down. Simply checking out a legalized whorehouse parlor would be like a visit a carnival freak show.

I do believe the government is incapable of runninng a whorehouse that sells whisky without a colossal subsidy. 

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Ahh, Yes. The Foreign Legion... They actually saved my life back in the 70s.

This is one of those things that is a pain in the ass to talk about because everyone jumps to conclusions when I say the FFL saved my life.

Needless to say there are two stories, pick one.

First, I ran off with the Sheik of Araby's beautiful dark eyed daughter by stealing his prize horse, scooping her up behind me and galloping off into the darkness of the desert with about 2000 gold toothed greasy A-rabs* chasing us.

We made it to Fort Zindenauf ahead of them and when they charged the fort I won the Legion of Honor for shooting 38 consecutive A-rabs off of a camel's back.

After that we left the fort and were mio chased through the Seven Cities of Gold, Phoenix, Tuscon, Las Vegas to name a few. We were chased day and night and were nearly caught every time we turned around.

 Finally we escaped disguised as hillbillies and found peace and security in Pittsburgh in our lovely little house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and our 2.3 children.

Needless to say when I tell that story and the listener sits there agape not one of them has the brains to ask how they managed to get 38 A-rabs on the back of a camel. Even the Marx Brothers could not pull that one off although they did do a splendid job of cramming about that many people into a small ship's cabin in 'A Night at the Opera'.

Then, of course, there's always the truth which never seems to be quite as colorful.

Back when I got out of the army I was living in a tipi in the Rockies. I knew that that was not goinng to last forever so I decided to look for something interesting to do after I left the tipi. I considered becoming a game warden of some sort in Africa because I loved living in the outdoors and wanted to do something to protect the wildlife.

I wrote practically every country in Africa asking about employment as a game warden. When I mentioned this to someone they suggested I also write the FFL because at the time they were supposedly involved in some sort of law enforcement in the African French holdings.

I got no reasonable offers. Africa was (and probably still is) a mess and about half of my letters went unanswered.

Those that replied were not looking for gamekeepers but mercenary soldiers. What was then Rhodesia offered me a enlistment in the Rhodesian army with an opportunity to try out for the Sealous Scouts. Be a man among men, said the posters of the Scouts.

Sorry. Not interested.

The last letter to trickle in came from of all things, the Legion. It was not a recruiting letter but a well thought out piece of advice that I change my plans as being a game warden in most of Africa was likely to end for me with a bullet in the back of my head and being eaten by hyenas.

The Legionnaire that wrote it had taken the time to recommend to me that I seriously reconsider my plans for a number of well thought out reasons. Among others was that certain Rhino horns were worth over 30,000 mid-1097s US dollars. 

When you consider the average house cost of the time was about 25K you can see that the possession of such an animal part would lead to a rather heated discussion conducted with firearms.  

Based on the letter I got from the Legion I changed my plans and I do believe it saved my life.

*A-rabs are not to be mistaken for Arabs that really exist. A-rabs area figment of a Hollywood screenwriter's imagination and in general bear no resemblence to people in the Arabic parts of the world.

It really isn't as colorful as running off with the Sheik's beautiful daughter but it remains that the French Foreign Legion did save my life.

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Some people get it.

Yeah, it was an unprofessional thing to say but I did it anyway. 

When someone asked me how I was faring the Covid 19 epidemic I casually told them it wasn't too bad because the liquor stores were open and I found a coupla strippers and dope dealers that make house calls.

Captain Sarcasm strikes again.

I had to listen to a "What? Strippers? Drugs?"flip out from the person that asked me about how I was handling Covid which is to be expected. 

One time at sea I had a can of starting ether in my back pocket while I was washing a particularly greasy skillet. I took it out of my pocket and put it on the counter next to the sink.

My shipmate walked in and saw the ether and asked me why it was in the galley in the first place.

'This skillet is plenty greasy," I replied.

Of course he was on to me and replied "We're low on ether. Why don't you just get some MTBE out of the sample locker."

That was more like it. 

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I just saw where some woman said that the outdoors is racist.

She was griping that people of color are not wanted in the woods which is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

What is she talking about? Do Grizzly Bears dine strictly on people of color? Do ticks avoid white people and opt for blacks? Is this institutional racism? A conspiracy involving Mother Nature?

What the hell is she talking about? It makes no sense at all to me. I have never heard of plants, trees or animals opting to do what they do based on race, religion or anything at all.

Truth is there are people of all colors that enjoy the outdoors but among blacks it does seem to be a minority. Not many blacks do camp or hike. I have seen very few hunt but I have seen a number of them fishing.

I don't know why that is but if anything it's a cultural thing of some sort. It has nothing to do with the outdoors.

In fact if she wants to knock that chip off her shoulder and start doing things in the woods she''s very likely to find the people she meets there are more than willing to welcome her aboard. I've seen this with all sorts of outdoor activities.

Actually common interests generally punch a hole clean through racist behavior. Using a car club for an example if some guy of ANY color shows up with a well built hot rod of some sort that he built with his hands he's going to get a lot of respect for his skill and talent because enthusiasts generally forget about what color someone is when they show up with a really creative ride.

Same holds for a lot of other things.

Actually back in the day the ere were a lot more blacks hunting, camping and in the outdoors than they are today. Many of these people were city dwellers that would fire up the family buick and head out to deer camp to get some meat.

Now that I think of it I wonder what that complaining woman would do if someone gave her a couple of venison steaks. My guess is she would throw them out after saying 'Yuck! I ain't gonna eat me no deer meat!'

Of course, the Gospel According to Piccolo says if someone wants something to complain about, you give them something to complain about. 

Give the complainer a tupperware bowl full of venison spaghetti sauce and afterwards after she tries it and says how good it is tell her it was venison. The scraaching would be epic.

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It's BUFFALO.

I was getting ready to make a couple of buffalo burgers and offered one to somebody. "You want a buffalo burger?" I asked.

Of course they got all confused and then asked if I meant bison.

It's BUFFALO. Buffalo Bill got his name from killing BUFFALO. It's the same animal  people want to call bison. 

Of course the official naturalists are going to come along and say it's a Bison bison but so what? It's a buffalo. After all, why did the Indians go on buffalo hunts? They didn't go on bison hunts. They went on buffalo hunts.

Now do you want a damned buffalo burger or don't you? 

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I see where woman's self-defense classes are chockablock full these days.

which is fine by me. Everyone has a right to be able to defend themselves.

At Richmond some gay dude asked me to hold his flag/placard while he took care of something and I was glad to. Gun rights are gay rights, too. I'd support practically anyone's RKBA.

Anyway, from what I have seen and heard there are a growing number of women that have taken it upon themselves to become armed and that's probably a good thing these days.

Armed women is not a new thing. Some woman have been armed for years. The thing that interests me is that a lot of these women are the kind that thought that owning a firearm was wrong. They have seen the light and have figured out that self defense is an individual responsibility.

When seconds count the police are only minutes away. A lot of women are beginning to figure that one out. And on top of that the defunding and now unreliability of the police in areas makes self defense look like more of a necessity.

Some time ago I wandered into the club house of my sportsman's club and saw a woman's self defense class. I knew the woman running it and she greeted me as I passed by.

The following weekend I ran into a group of women at the range backing ARs and overheard them talking about interlocking fields of fire which caught me off guard. Apparently some of them were neighbors.

This was a few years back and I was surprised as hell to hear that. These women were the kind that gardened islands in streets and things like that yet now they were talking about such things.

A couple of them were waiting their turns with carbines slung across their backs like thsy had grown up with them. They were new shooters and I was surprised to see that because they had adapted so readily.

While I have not checked the schedule of events I am curious if the club is now actively running these courses.

I recently got a call from a member of the LGBTQ community asking me for instruction which caught me off guard for a second until I realized I had volunteered to help out after the Pulse shooting and they got my name off of the lists.

Still, I am not surprised to see women looking for instruction. One of my gun store buddies says most of his sales are to new gun owners and of the new gun owners, over half are women.  

I'm all for it.

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That scar? I got it in the war.

What war? Vietnam? Desert Storm?

 "The Spanish American war," I replied . "I served with Colonel Roosevelt in Cuba. That scar came from a Spanish bayonet."

 " Really? "

"Yeah. I had to fetch horses for him because he has a couple shot out from under him at San Juan back in '98."

"Wow!"

Another idiot bites the dust. They make it too easy.

Learn to count, people! Do the math. Nobody lives to be 143 years old.

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Things can come back to haunt you

About 25 years ago someone I know well signed a piece of official paper work in an interesting way.

He signed his name as SIR (his real name) XVIII.

On the title line he wrote 'Earl of Cricklewood Green'.

Twenty five years later we still kid him about it because the office went stark staring bonkers.

We still call him Earl.

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I have been screaming about the voting system for years. It's corrupt as hell.

https://nypost.com/2020/08/29/political-insider-explains-voter-fraud-with-mail-in-ballots/

https://nypost.com/2020/08/29/political-insider-explains-voter-fraud-with-mail-in-ballots/

This crap has been going along for decades and that's decades too damned long.

The penalty  for voter fraud sshould be death. Voter fraud isn't something that should be punished with some kind of a small fine. The guilty should pay for stealing the Republic with their lives.

Trump has said he is not willing to transfer power without a fight of sorts and the way the system has been manipulated he shouldn't.

If I  had even a whit of faith in the system it would be a different case but it isn't. 

Actually it really doesn't matter a whole lot to me because in general elected officials have neither my respect, my loyalty nor my obedience. Most of them can kiss my ass.

I go about my business fairly responsibly and pay little or no attention to the law to begin with.

I have a funny feeling that there are a lot more like me. We are the people that will do practically anything if asked and damned little if we are told to by government.

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Yeah I am a swashbuckler. Local 26. Why? You got any buckles you need swashed? I'll give you a good deal.

Someone recently asked me what a swashbuckler was and needless to say I answered that he was a person that swashed buckles. 

I explained the three year apprenticeship program the International Brotherhood of Swashbucklers and Sword Fighters(AFL/CIO) runs and that you need a high school diploma to get into the program.

It's a good deal, I explained. Apprentices start at $28.64 hourly and the pay raises over 3 years to the full journeyman rate with raises every six months up to $41.75.

After five years as a journeyman you can go to the school to become a master swashbuckler and when you become one you are authoried to wear a pencil thin moustache.

He said it sounded interesting and wanted to know more.

He wanted to know more so I told him more. When it comes to out and out bull$hit I'll give them all they can handle.

The trick it to come to the very edge of having the entire pile of BS come crashing down and I started to play a little more carefully because I had a live one.

He wanted to know exactly what a swashbuckler did and I simply told him they swashed buckles. I went on to explain that wealthy people had expensive buckles on their clothing that had to be swashed every so often so they looked their best.

He seemed mollofied so I left it at that. 

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Her mother lied to her.

or maybe it was her father. Whoever it was told her she was special and deserved a handsome wealthy prince to marry her and take care of her for life. They told her he was on his way and not to settle for anything less.

Now all 375 pound of her inked, pierced and purple haired self sits there being nasty to everyone that even says hello to her. She's waiting for her prince and eating potato chips all day until he shows up.

Meanwhile the princes are running around with slim, educated, motivated women that had parents that told her like it is and admonished her that she had best come to the table with something to offer.

Don't worry about her supplying grandchildren. There's always some twisted drunk or meth head that will come along and knock her up.

Actually in this day and age I am glad I am not young and dating. I do believe that if I was of that age I would be likely looking overseas for a life's mate. I really don't like what I see here very much these days.

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You don't get to choose your replacement.

I am listening to a lot of people babbling about Ruth Bader Ginsburg wanting to be replaced by a different president.

A am coming close to retirement and I do not hear anyone asking me to choose my replacement and I won't bother with even suggesting my replacement. It's not my choice.

Sorry Ruth. The Constitution comes first.

Then again, my guess is she never said that. It was made up by Schumer, Pelosi or Adam Schiff.

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SCOTUS should neither be liberal nor conservative.

My guess is that the liberal/conservative bent of SCOTUS started with FDR. He threatened to simply ad more judges until he got his own way. The number nine has been by tradition only and FDR wanted to load SCOTUS up and have things his way.

Actually when you look carefully at it SCOTUS should neither be liberal nor conservative. Their duty is only to determine if something is constitutional or not along with a few other duties.

A job as a justice on the SCOTUS bench really doesn't require some kind of super duper new and improved law school graduate. It simply requires someone that understands the Constitution. 

When you consider that the Constitution was written so the average Joe could understand it there really is no reason we need a lawyer on the bench. A smart guy with a high school diploma and some practical experience in life would probably do well enough.

We'd likely be a whole lot better off if they threw out this liberal/conservative crap and simple followed the Constitution as it was written.

Before one goes off and starts babbling incoherently about racism and so on please read the entire document first. Many of the original mistakes have been ironed out with the various amendments. Everyone regardless of race, color, whatever gets a pretty fair shake.

 

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A busy day.

Maybe later but don't bet on it.

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There's an interesting book hitting Amazon around the end of September. Letters from Uncle Dave.

Uncle Dave was a WW2 paratrooper in the 82nd Airborne that was killed on Operation Market-Garden.

His remains were not recovered for 73 years.

The book is actually a story of a family looking for closure and it's not only a story about a paratrooper but of an entire family and how Dave's loss effected the entire family.

It is interesting to note that Dave figured out he was not likely to be promoted because of his attitude but to his surprise he was kicked upstairs to sergeant.

To anyone that knows anything about WW2 it's plain to see in Dave's letters that he was shielding his family from the truth and the realities of war. 

The hunt for Uncle Dave's remains was a long search by Dave's nephew that covered well over 20 years and unlike many searches for dead relatives it was successful. 

As someone that tracked down a cousin killed at Iwo Jima I could certainly relate. I got lucky and had sit-downs with three of his fellow Marines that served with him. 

All in all it's a pretty good read in my opinion.

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Goahead and riot.

riot all you want. 

All it does is piss people off and alienate the average working stiff from your cause.

It won't be loong before the pendelum swings and you ain't gonna be happy campers.

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Here's one about defunding the police.

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I just saw where Ruth Bader Ginsburg has died.

Trump had better get his ass in gear and get a replacement MOST riki-tik.

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Someone once asked me what it was like in the army back in my day.

Of course I could not let that one slide.

I told him that about a year after I had graduated from jump school the army started issuing parachutes.

The young GI took a second, his mouth opened then he turned a bit red in the face and finally laughed like hell.

Another person asked me about Air Assault units.

I gave a thoughtful look to him and told him it was a lot like the old horse cavalry butinstead of horses every trooper was responsible to take care of the pterodactyl that was issued to him to fly him into combat.

This guy had never been in the service and I do believe he took the entire hook, line and sinker.

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