and I don't blame them. If what I see is the current dating pool I'd stay single, too.
In a few decades we are likely to see a lot of fairly content single men and miserable women surrounded by six or eight cats.
I certainly won't be around to see it but it's happening and it's really sad.
Why would a reasonably motivated, fairly intelligent man want to enter into something like a marriage that has a greater than 50/50 chance of failure and lose at least of half of what he has accumulated? It simply makes no sense. Why play a rigged game? Of the over 40 divorces, 70% of them are initiated by women.
The other thing is that many women are not willing to hold up their end of the bargain. It seems that too many don't bring a whole lot to the table and also expect a Tier one man in return. It don't even work that way. Not even a little bit.
A couple of years ago I ran into a young, handsome stud that was making damned good money and we started talking about life in general and the subject came up of marriage. He was single and said he had just thrown another fish back into the pond because she had almost $200K worth of student debt and a useless degree. I sure the hell don't blame him. That's entering the marriage with a minus $200K balance which he was probably expected to pay. Not only that the useless degree shows she makes bad choices. The juice just ain't worth the squeeze.
A Tier One guy is looking for a Tier One bride and sorry about that, Sister but you ain't in the club. You want it all your way and life ain't Burger King. The so-called woman's movement has seen to that.
A couple of years ago I was chatting with a mother who was telling me she hoped her daughter would meet a nice guy and give her a couple of grandchildren. Just them the daughter waddled over packing about 75 pounds of extra weight and her face was inked up and pierced so much she could have passed as a South Seas islands headhunter.
I took one look and thought to myself that the woman would get her grandchildren because some crackhead would probably knock her up.
A lot of men are looking for a traditional marriage with clearly defined roles. They want to be breadwinners and want their wife to tend to the children.
One time I met the guy in the coffee shop and I suggested looking overseas for a bride and recommended Thailand or the Philippines. He said he had thought about it and was very seriously considering it. Can't say as I blame him. I would more than seriously consider it if I wanted a traditional marriage.
As for those of you women that your daddy told you that you were a princess and deserved a prince, I got news for you. Your daddy lied to you. Enjoy your loneliness and enjoy your six cats.
As for the men that stay single, the way things are today it makes sense.
There's also another side of things worth mentioning. The internet and internet dating has changed things as far as face to face people skills go. Too many younger people of either sex don't know how to have a face to face conversation with the opposite sex anymore.
Communication between people seem to have reduced much of it to emails, texts and that sort of thing.
I started writing this piece yesterday before I went shopping and decided to mentally put myself back into my late 20s and early 30s and picture myself scouting around for basically someone to go home with. I was just looking around to see what was out there.
Granted, I am married and NOT looking for side action. I wanted to try and put myself in the situation of a younger guy looking for someone to date. During that period of my life I dated woman older than me because I wasn't looking for a mate. I was looking for fun.
Inside of about an hour I struck up conversations with four woman in their early to mid 40s and was comfortable and confident. One was married and not looking but still we had a nice brief chat. Most of the women were likewise easy to talk to. Out of the four I am convinced that if I were 28 again I could have gotten two of them to meet for coffee back in the day. I'm also of the mind that one of them would have cheerfully accepted a coffee date with me at the ripe old age of 73! Maybe she was looking for a rich old man with a bad cough.
Later at another market I set my sights lower and went to see if I could break the ice and start a brief conversation with some younger women and I was surprised to see how awkward a couple of them were. I don't think they thought I was creepy because I was asking them for gift ideas for my grandchildren. It appeared a couple just didn't know how to talk to men. Out of the other three one was a single mom and she seemed comfortable. I had the distinct feeling a coffee date with her 40 years ago would have taken place in her kitchen. It led me to believe that single moms in their 20s haven't changed much.
Still, I went away thinking that a lot of the younger people don't seem to have the people skills that we used to have growing up.
I got up to check the mail and I'm back now. The woman across the street, an elementary school teacher pulled in and I had a couple of words with her about today's kids. I was glad to see her because I wanted her opinion for this post. We chatted for a couple of minutes and she told me that in first grade she has to teach kids the very rudimentary people skills, like how to share, how to ask someone if they want to play with them and simple basics.
These skills back in the day were not taught in the home. They simply pushed the kids out the door and they learned on their own and before first grade. When some other young mother dropped by for coffee or whatever and brought her brood along the whole push of us were shoved out the back door to play. Believe it or not, we figured it out. We didn't have to wait until first grade.
When I started school in the mid 50s I was simply told to walk up to the GAR hall and get on the bus. I already knew most of the kids at the bus stop, even some of the big kids (fourth, fifth and sixth graders). That stop must have filled about a third of the bus. GI Joe had come home and was fruitful and multiplied.
The town I lived in at the time was a sleepy semi rural lobster fishing type community. Commuters to Boston were just beginning to move here. This was about six or eight years before the Charge of the Bulldozer Brigade came through and doubled the size of the town overnight. It became a bedroom community for Boston and when the Southeast Expressway opened the town grew even more.
When I was little it was pretty much snow white with a couple raisins (Mainly Cape Verdeans) in the rice pudding. Before I entered first grade I was a naïve kid that never had even spoken a black person face to face before.
First day at recess I met two brother that were black and one of them had a ball. I asked one of them why their skin was a different color and he said he was born that way and when I asked to rub his hand to see if it came off he agreed. Nothing came off so I asked to play ball with him and inside a couple minutes we were playing together in the schoolyard.
That night at supper I told my parents about the two guys I met with dark skin and told them I had even rubbed his hand to see if it came off. Mom looked mortified and dad snarfed his coffee out his nose and said "They're kids. It's OK."
"They're probably the twin boys of the Cape Verde Islanders across town. Norm has met them. They're OK," he said. He turned to me and asked me what we did on the playground.
Them mom asked me what I learned at school and I probably said what every other kid says when asked that question. "Nothing."
About a week or so later I asked my parents "What's a ni**er?"
My mother paled and dad again stepped up to the plate and explained racism to me and told me I was to judge people by who they are and not what color they are and he never wanted to hear that word from me again. The lesson has stayed with me for the past 67 years.
Still, as I grew up I was never intimidated by anyone including the opposite sex. While I didn't date much, I had no problem with my female classmates. I developed an outgoing personality. I'm certainly not shy. Few of my classmates were.
While I did grow up in a sheltered community, we had no internet or cell phones and did more business and pleasure face to face and developed social skills.
Back to the 70% of women over 40 that initiate divorces. I looked a bit into that and managed to discover that what happens is that it appears to be a hormonal thing following or maybe even starting with menopause. It's an imbalance of sorts and if the woman talks about it to her doctor he's apt to give her mood elevators and send her on their way. This only covers up the symptoms and may very well even make things worse. Deeper digging in needed to get to the bottom of things.
While smart couple may be able to work through this and overcome it, often before it's discovered the damage is done.
Still, if it happens that way some poor bastard is stuck with losing half his stuff and winds up with child support payments. It is what it is and the end result is a some poor slob has worked his ass off to wind up living in a cheap fleabag somewhere coughing up half of his income for the next umpteen years.
With over half of marriages ending up this way the risk ain't worth the reward in this day and age.
To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this:
http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY