Saturday, April 30, 2016

Sometimes you just have to get someone's attention.

Many moons ago when I lived in Kodiak a certain woman saw me on the street and said, "Hey, Pic! I want to eat lunch at the place at the end of the road. I'll buy if you drive."

I took her up on her offer. She was one of the people I liked. She had a really dry sense of humor. Truth is she was a grownup.

I enjoyed her because she was refreshing and didn't have a whole lot of time for stupid stuff. A few months earlier she had passed some bad news onto me under strange circumstances. 

I was sitting in a hot tub soaking and the door opened a crack. "Pic, are you shy? I've got some news to pass on."

"I just don't want you to see how small my package is so don't look." I was being a smart ass as usual. We went back a ways as friends. 

"Small, huh? Good deal they don't hurt as much so I save them for a ********." she replied. She was often good for an outrageous answer.

Very soon after I met her I decided that she was a grownup and would be a good friend. I friend zoned her at once and years later now I was glad I did.

"Yeah, really," I replied. "come on in."

She came in and sat down and told me that I had just lost five friends. Another fish boat had gone down with all hands. 

She knew I was friends with all five of them and felt I should hear about it from her instead of at the bar. She offered me a drink and I refused and sat there for a few minutes.

What's sad about it is that I wasn't stunned. The reason is even sadder. I was used to it by now.

By the time I reached my 35th birthday I had been to over 50 funerals and memorial services and only a couple of weddings. No wonder I was so crass about life. At 64 I have not fully recovered from this.

Anyway, she left and a few weeks later she saw me on the streets and said that if I'd drive, she'd buy me lunch. I agreed and off we went. We arrived at the place at the end of the road and sat down. The fleet was in and there were a bunch of fishermen there raising a little hell.

The boys were poundin' them down and then kept getting louder and louder and cruder. After a while it got pretty raw. I saw her face look a bit annoyed.

She wasn't some prissy little thing but she was a woman and deserved a little respect. "Want me to quiet them down?" I asked.

"Yeah, Please. I can generally take it but I'm not in the mood right now," she answered.

I turned and shouted at the top of my lungs, "Hey! Watch your f***ing language, a$$holes! I'm trying to eat lunch over here with this f***ing c**t!"

Every head turned and you could heve heard a pin drop. They saw her and were agape. I suppose they were expecting her to slap me silly. Most women would have. She turned to the boys at the bar.

"Please, guys. I'd appreciate it," she said.

The guys shook their heads up and down and there was peace in the valley.

She turned to me and said, "I figured you'd do something gentlemanly like that."

"Anything for a lady," I replied. "I just had to get their attention."

We continued with lunch and discussed a number of things and then hung out a while simply enjoying each other's company. What made it even the more comfortable is that we both knew we were not made for each other. The unspoken male/female questions didn't have to be asked. The sexual chemisrty was not an issue.  We were friends and that was as far as it was going. We both knew it. We were both glad to share the friendship.

For one thing both of our lives were far too tumultous at the time.

Several months later she was talking to another woman about going out for a few drinks 'with the girls'. I looked at her and said, "I want to go drinking with the girls. I'll be ladylike, I promise." I don't know why I said it, I was just being a clown but they agreed that I could be one of the girls with them for the evening. 

It proved to be an interesting evening. While I was sitting there some guy tried to drop anchor and was told that it was girls night out. He pointed at me and asked what I was doing there.

"Pic is one of the girls tonight," she said.

"Hey, guys! Pic's one of the girls tonight," he announced to the guys sitting at the bar.

"That's right and don't one of you pigs come on to me tonight, either because I am a lesbian," I said.

"You're a lesbian? How's that?" said a voice.

"I was born in the eastern part of Lesbia. That makes me a Lesbian by birth." I replied. Most of the guys chuckled, a couple looked confused. 

One guy confused in the depths of an alcoholic fog asked, "Why not just chase women as a straight man and save yourself the trouble of having to be a lesbian? The end result is the same."

 "Because then I would not be one of the girls and I couldn't go drinking with them," I replied.

"What a sneaky way to chase women," said a fisherman.

Everybody had a good laugh over that one.

I had a pretty good time that night and learned  lot after the rest of the girls had a few drinks. I was smart enough to put the fix in with the bartender.  My scotch was really iced tea. 

I have to admit there were several times I laughed myself silly.

Later on she started dating a guy and he knew all about the relationship we shared and it didn't bother him. He knew that we had a basic simple friendship and had nothing to worry about. 

I was living on a sailboat at about this time and a couple of times she crewed for me. I could tell by the look on her face she loved being on the water. Actually her boyfriend had suggested I take her sailing.

Shortly after the two of them broke up she had a brief problem with alcohol but was smart enough to get some help and got her life together. However by this time I had left the island on my sailboat.

A couple of years ago someone sent me her email address and we swapped a couple emails. But the truth is after a couple of exchanges we both realized that both of our lives had changed and we were both settled. We have little in common anymore.

She lives quietly outside of Alaska somewhere with her long term significant other and has a rather quiet job and I suppose she's doing well. I do wish her well and from time to time think fondly of her.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Friday, April 29, 2016

It is a gray day and I have things to do

The deer are outside checking things out and feeding on the easy pickings spring has brought us.

The coffee's on and I just weighed in and I'm close to where I like my weight. I gain at sea and lose it at home.

Yesterday I drove two ground rods into the ground because my wife asked me to bring the electrical panel up to current code even though it has been grandfathered. 

One of the rods was to bring the panel board up to code and the other one went into the base of my vertical antenna for lightning diversion purposes.

Shortly after I licensed for ham radio I installed a couple ground rods. I spend over a day on a ladder pounding one into hard earth and finally decided to rent a jackhammer after I found out that there is a hammer bit especially for ground rods. 

When I got the jackhammer home it took me less than a minute to drive one in a full eight feet. Right tool for the right job and all.

Code now requires a pair of ground rods about ten feet apart tied together with a heavy copper wire. 

When we moved here there was a ground rod sticking out and bent over. Looking at it I understand what happened. Some idiot put it in too close to the house and when it got partway in it hit the concrete footing and bent. He said 'close enough' and attached the wire to it.

Some years ago I cut the bent rod off and replaced it with a proper one the full eight feet in.

As for the antenna rod, it's part of a plan to reduce damage if there is a lightning strike. An electrical engineer friend of mine came by and we came up with a logical plan. I'm putting lightning arresters on my antenna lead ins and a few other things.

It's actually just wishful thinking because as the EE said, we're trying to outguess a lightning bolt.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Thursday, April 28, 2016

I spent a lot of time being a male in a woman's body.

Then I was born.

I am watching the which bathroom to use issue get ridiculously out of hand.

I saw where some tough guy wanna be sheriff said if any transgender walks into the bathroom his wife is using there will be a John Doe in the morgue.

What's he gonna do? Is he going to grope everyone?

Vote that clown out because he is going to cost his people a fortune in lawsuits. If he gropes my wife I'm not going to be offended at all.

I'm simply going to get rich.

This whole thing is like a group of people demanding the right to buy milk in one gallon bottles. When I said that to someone they looked at me confused and said we have been able to buy milk that way for decades.

"You don't say!" I replied. "Transgenders have used the woman's room for decades."

"But what about the perverts?!"

"What about them? I asked. "Remember how a lot of dipshit do-gooders said that legalizing concealed carry was going to turn the streets into Dodge City? It never happened, did it?"

"I guess not," he replied.

"And nothing is going to happen over this," I replied. "All we're doing is legalizing what has quietly gone on for decades." 

He asked me how I seemed to know so much about transgenders. That's a fair question and the reason is that I lived in Kodiak, Alaska for a decade.

Alaska at the time (and maybe still does) appealed to the four Ms. Mercenaries, Missionaries, Malcontents and Misfits were attracted there by the droves.

Kodiak was a pretty forgiving place full of people that generally had better things to do than worry about stupid stuff. They took people as they saw them and if they were doing no harm they left them alone.

There was (and probably still is) a pretty good sized LGBT community there and it was pretty much out in the open. Nobody cared. It was an odd place where you could find yourself sitting next to a hooker and the mayor. 

I was generally kind to everyone unless their behavior dictated otherwise. I really didn't give a damn about anyone's sexual orientation just so long as they didn't push it on anyone. In the decade I lived there I only recall getting angry at one gay guy that annoyed me by not immediately taking no for an answer. I raised my voice and offered him the hospitality of the emergency room and he left me alone.

Later on someone else smacked him good a couple times and he learned his manners.

I got to know a couple of these people and I basically treated them like woman. That seemed to be what they wanted. They used the woman's room and the woman of the town voiced no complaints.

On the other hand I do have to admit that things were a lot looser there than elsewhere. Once or twice when I was at the urinal a woman would walk in and simply say, "Hi, Pic. The woman's room is a pig sty" and walk into the stall. It didn't even cause a raised
eyebrow. I took no offense. I probably would have done the same thing.

Having fixed the plumbing in both the men's and lady's rooms I knew exactly what she meant. Lady's rooms are generally worse than man's rooms. Some woman are real pigs.

I learned there to be pretty accepting of things and learned that there really isn't a whole lot of stuff to get worked up about. 

Right now as I write I recall two or three of these 'women stuck in a man's body' types that the medicos did a great job on. I pretty much got to see the whole transformation and one of them changed from being kind of an effeminate guy to a really attractive woman. If I recall it took a couple or three years for the entire process.

I suppose it was kind of interesting to watch. Then again Kodiak was the kind of place that a cockroach race would be a boredom reliever. Whatever.

Still, stateside transgenders have used the lady's room for decades with nothing being said. I suppose that before the Big Ballyhoo most women never bothered to even think about it when another woman wandered in and entered a stall. Most transgenders simply sat down to urinate so their feet would not give them away.

(Think. When men urinate their feet point toward the toilet. Women's feet face away from the toilet)

As I write I can think of only one complaint I heard and that was from a snippy bitch that was always looking for something to be cruel about. She griped about Debbie using the lady's room. I didn't look up from the paper I was reading. I simply said, "Leave her alone. She's one hell of a lot more ladylike than you are." 

When she opened her mouth to protest another fisherman said, "He's right. Leave her alone. Besides she probably give a better BJ than you do," That brought the house down.

The bartender replied, "She probably does." and that ended it.

The last I heard of 'Debbie' is that she was supposed to be getting married to some guy and she left Alaska.

The other one, Susan, actually caused me the most embarrassing time of my life. 

I was with a couple of the guys shopping for the boat. We had to pick up enough chow for 5 guys to last about 45 days. That's a lot of chow.

Anyway, we were all standing together when Debbie saw me and approached me. 

"I'm leaving for California tomorrow to get my vagina put in," she said, almost breathlessly. "When I get back I want you to be the first one to try it out with me!"

"That's the most flattering thing any woman has ever said to me," I replied. She wandered off, smiling.

Of course I got teased about that for months but all three of the guys admitted to me that they had never seen such grace under fire. Later when the inevitable word went out across the town of no secrets a number of people both laughed and a couple of them commented on how I handed the situation.

I suppose I learned a lot in Kodiak that has allowed me to see through a lot of life's bullshit. One thing's for sure, though. I really see no need of making a ballyhoo out of a room used to eliminate human waste.

I suppose they ought to keep things the way they are for another reason. Lady's rooms are generally a lot nastier than men's rooms and I don't want them to bring their nastiness into the men's room.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Yesterday was one hell of a day!

It started off when I paid a neighborhood kid for some yard work. 

I swung by his house and he and his mom were out front with another nosy soccer mom. 

When I started handing the kid his money little Mrs. Nosy asked if I was paying him for some yard work. I replied by telling her it was a drug deal. Her jaw dropped.

Then I cheerfully explained to her that the only way to get any decent dope is to buy it from school kids because they get all the good stuff.

I handed the kid his money and said, "Drop the dope off after school." and left.

When I got home the phone rang. It was the kid's mother. She tried to chew me out but was laughing too hard to really have any bite to it. She's really got a good sense of humor and really sharp. She's made me snarf more than once.

A couple of hours later I was shopping for a few things and wearing a pink fedora I have. It's a basic Old School 2.5 inch snap brim. I have about a dozen of these in various shades, mostly subdued. I wore the pink one yesterday to cheer me up a bit.

Anyway, some wannabe tough guy in his 40s was behind me in line. He looked at the hat and asked, "That hat mean you're one of the guys that uses the woman's bathroom?"

"What are you? Some kind of closet pedophile that likes his woman built like 8 year old boys?" I shot back. "I wear pink in support of breast cancer research."

The old woman in front of me heard the entire thing and turned around and said, "God bless you! What a nice hat!" Then she glared at the guy.

He stood there quietly and kept his mouth shut to cut his losses. I could feel the heat of his humiliation and turned and let him stew in his own juices.

I think I'll wear that lid again today.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

I see where Philly is getting ready to tax soda pop at 3 cents/ounce.

Why not? They tax just about everything else.

Looks like your 16 ounce soda went up a half a buck. 

Oh, well. Next time I stop at a Philly Burger King I'll just drink water.  

The tax is supposed to raise money for some kind of pre-school thing but truth is likely closer to money being raised for single moms to find a place to ditch their kids.


In other news my better half asked me to check the house ground system which has been grandfathered in but could use an update.

Her big fear seems to be lightning because I have a few ham antennas up in the yard. I suppose to some extent she has a valid point. However, general ham procedure is to simply unplug the antennas and toss them out the window when a storm approaches.

Even with lightning arresters installed you are still going to suffer damage if you get hit. 

I had a fellow ham/electrical engineer drop by and bring me up to speed. I need another ground rod installed and another one at the base of my vertical antenna. I also have to tie them together.

I'm also going to add lightning arresters to all incoming antenna leads.

When all is said and done both the engineer and I agree that we are not really eliminating the damage a lightning strike would do. We are simply trying to minimize it.


One of my sisters is getting married and the ball busting has started.

By other sister and the nieces and nephews are going to probably get on her to "Get your brother to do the ceremony! He looks GREAT in his white suit and his purple turban!"

We're kind of brutal over things like this.

The problem with things like weddings is that women get too keyed up over them and don't stop for a minute to think. Everything draws a fast knee-jerk reaction.

"What?! What?! What?! Uncle Pic in a purple turban?! If he comes within 100 miles of me dressed like that I'll just die!!"

This is not just a family thing. This is women in general when it comes to weddings. They get so keyed up they forget to think.

Actually I very well may show up in a purple turban before the wedding and make everyone nervous but on the big day I will make a VERY loud statement by showing up well dressed and sitting there quietly as they wait for the other shoe to fall.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Monday, April 25, 2016

Keep taking the bait.

There are a number of non-issue controversies out there that to me are a big joke.

There is the bathroom business whereby everyone is making a big to do over nothing. The problem has been solved before it was even a problem. It is nothing more than a problem that was created out of thin air.

Another so-called problem is that of equal pay for women. They already get equal pay. Name me one corporation that has seperate pay scales based on sex. You won't find one.

However, acting like woman are not paid the same as men has gotten a lot of liberal politicians a lot of votes. Of course, it's all in the way you skew this.

Let's look at Lobsterwoman Lois, a female lobster fisherwoman. Lois doesn't make as much money as the guys do. One can say it's unfair until you do a little digging.

The lobster pound pays the same to everyone. They buy lobster from the boats at one price and make no distinctions for race, sex or anything. If the day's price is $2/pound then it is $2/pound for everyone.

The real reason Lobsterwoman Lois doesn't make as much as the guys do is that she simply doesn't catch as much lobster as they do.

Yet the liberal spin doctors will say that this is unfair and insist that Lois be paid a higher price for her lobsters so as to even things out.

Personally I think the government should send an envoy to the bottom of the sea to negotiate with the lobsters in lobsterland to have more of them hop into Lois's lobster pots so as to even things out.

Huh? Send an envoy to lobsterland?

Sure! Why not! We can do that right after we demand the tooth fairy ups the rate to $20 per tooth.

In short, Lois is given the very same opportunities everyone else has. What she does with the opportunity is up to her. She's being treated fairly.

Of course, issues are not necessarily found. They are generally created.

I believe this entire recent bathroom issue was created simply for the liberals to use against the conservatives. Conservatives have been falling for stuff like that ever since the Christian Coalition joined them and turned them into the moral police.

Lyndon Johnson was a master of this kind of thing. He once told his campaign manager to spread the word that his opponent had once had carnal knowledge of his barnyard swine.

"Lyndon, we can't call him a pigf**ker," he said.

Johnson grinned. "No. Bit we can make him deny it!"

This is the same trick the Dems have used for years and the dumbass Republicans keep taking the bait.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Sunday, April 24, 2016

I posted a Duffel Blog picture on my Facebook page

A number of people have reposted it.

It is a still from the movie 'Tropic Thunder'. 

Some time ago I posted a different Duffel Blog article on my FB page and people went nuts. The article was some story about a fictitious Army mobile abortion detachment.

If you read the article you just had to know it was a spoof yet a couple of people took it hook, line and sinker. I heard that a couple of them actually wrote their congressman about it and the congresscritter brought it up in the hallowed halls and made an idiot of himself.

A couple of outraged people defriended me. No great loss.

While Cecil the Lion was big news a while back I took a picture of Steven Speilberg sitting in front of a Jurassic Park prop and photoshopped it a bit. I replaced his head with mine and put an AR-15 in my hands. Then I posted it.

Now you have to remember that the triceratops I was sitting in front of has been extinct for about 130 million years, give or take two weeks.

Yet I got a whole bunch of protests and threats from people too dumb  to realize what was going on.

I explained to a couple of people that when Rocky and Bulllwinkle went off the air that Hanna and Barbera gave Mr. Peabody and Sherman the Way-Back machine and they opened a time travel safari company. One dumbass believed THAT.

This is a part of my current attitude is that if you believe something ridiculous that I say you get what you deserve for being a dumbass.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Throw it the hell out!

I started the day off right by throwing a bunch of stuff out. 

I started with a busted flashlight that someone saved. I don't know why but they saved it for some reason or another. I tossed it.

It was followed by a broken vacuum cleaner and a bunch of other stuff.

For the life of me I do not see why people keep stuff that doesn't work.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Friday, April 22, 2016

Wow! Things just got busy!

Might get a post made later today but I am on the fly now.

Pic, out.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Came home to a pair of ATNOs

South Sudan and Gibraltar are now confirmed as I came home to their cards.

While Gibraltar isn't what one would call rare DX, South Sudan is. I was lucky that day as there was an Arab in South Sudan that was likely doing business there that hauled his rig along. He worked me and was nice enough to QSL me via his Slovak QSL manager. 

This is truly a global hobby.

In other gnus, I am not going to weigh in until tomorrow morning. 

It'll give me the day to dump the liquid weight I put on from drinking too much beer last night. It's now a fairly strict diet and no booze for a while.

Beer is a real killer as far as weight goes. For some reason it sticks to me and goes straight to my ass. I can drop weight pretty quickly if I stop drinking it.

ATNO=All Time New One, meaning it is the first contact you have made with the entity.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I am thinking of changing a few things on this poster and

plastering it on phone poles around a certain person's neighborhood.

After I do that I will make a fortune selling popcorn.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

There is a big stew because a southern state

 has simply decided that if you have a penis you use the men's room. If not, you use the ladies room.

Seven years into the Obama administration and now we don't even know which bathroom to use anymore.

A lot of people seem to have a real problem with this but I don't. It makes sense and pretty much clarifies things. Kudos the southern state that did this.

I am no specialist in transgender surgery and really don't have much of a interest in it although I have know a couple of former guys that became women. Truth is the medicos did a pretty good job. The few I have seen probably ought to give a lot of real women a few lessons in taking care of themselves but I digress. 

Anyway, one has to realize that trans genders are a very, very small part of the population and there is no real reason the rest of us should have to change our ways for the minuscule minority. This kind of thing has gotten old lately.

Personally I would have no problem having a person halfway through a transgender operation walk into the men's room and hike her skirt up and stand at the urinal next to mine. To me it would be a non-event. 

I can certainly see where a woman would be offended by having a similar scenario happen to her in the woman's room.

Personally these days it makes things a little more difficult taking my grand nieces anywhere. Little girls have to pee every time you turn around.

I used to be confident that I could just wait outside a woman's room for them confident that the woman's room contained only women. Today one can't be so sure. When nature calls the little ladies I generally head to a place with a unisex bathroom or a seldom used men's room and scope it out first and then let the girls use it while I stand guard outside with a loaded revolver.

I already have a line prepared for the inevitable indignant pushy guy that shows up.

"My nieces are in there. If you enter I'll have the cops here in a nanosecond and you'll be down at the station watching a woman cop telling them, 'show me on the doll where the man touched you.' That's enough to make anyone back off. 

I am a libertarian by nature and really don't care if you want to change your sex or even change back on a monthly basis. I do have two things to ask, though. First it doesn't cost me any money. Secondly the transgender doesn't rub it in my face.

I have similar feelings toward the gay community. I really don't care about a person's sex life, just keep it to yourself. 

I am a 64 year old man and have been in my present career as a seaman for well over a quarter century. I have worked primarily with men. I don't really know the sexuality of very many of my shipmates, current and former simply because we never discuss it.

The attitude of the average sailor is that their sex life is their own business. We don't discuss the details of what goes on with our significant others.

I suppose if someone ever asked me if I have ever sailed with a gay shipmate I'd have to say that I don't have a clue. The subject never came up.

Of course, the entire LGBT community is in an uproar over what the southern state did because of the current special snowflake attitude that seems pretty prevalent today.

Personally I often think that a lot of special snowflakes could use a punch in the the mouth. A shot in the solar plexus is also another good attitude changer and causes less visible damage. 

Holly weird has gotten into it and celebrities have threatened not to make movies in the state and one porn website announced they'll boycott.

That in itself sounds pretty good to me.

I suppose that if enough celebrities, crybabies and self appointed poobahs boycott North Carolina that I might have to move there. Maybe I can get some peace and quiet along with some pretty good pork barbecue.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Monday, April 18, 2016

OK, Bernie, how does this work?

You want to raise the minimum wage to $15 an hour. Fine.

What are you going to do when this causes the jobs out there to disappear? Just about all the fast food chains already have touch screen plans on the boards when the legislation goes through. There are a lot more plans out there to replace humans when the raise is enacted.

Then what?

You will be stuck standing there with egg on your face hemming and hawing and making excuses.

You start griping about income inequity. Now you want to rob the rich to help the poor. Well, aren't you just a regular Robin Hood.

What are you going to do when the Big Money packs up and leaves? Don't say it can't.

All it will take is for them to pack up and leave. It's a global economy and I'm pretty damned sure that places like Singapore, Vietnam, Mexico and quite a number of places that would CHEERFULLY take in large American corporations in.

Then what?

When you see Americans sneaking into Mexico to get jobs to feed their families you are sure going to feel stupid. 

Moving a large manufacturing plant to, for example, Mexico or Vietnam isn't all that difficult. If the tax base goes up on corporations it is probably cheaper to leave.

The number of people that have left keeps going up each year in spite of a 30% exit tax. If Robin Hood Bernie decides to hit the rich a whole lot harder then the numbers are sure to rise. With them goes an awful lot of money.

Recently a billionaire left New Jersey for Florida and it hurt New Jersey. The billionaire took his money with him and saved a bundle as Florida won't tax him like New Jersey did. Can't say as I blame him.

So new Bernie want to rob the rich and make a college education free.  Of course, there is no such thing as a free lunch. Somehow, somewhere along the line somebody is going to have to foot the bill.

So who is going to pay the bill, Bernie?

The truth is then most likely I am. You're going to raise my income tax and I'm going to cough up a shitload more money.

I'm 64 and six months old, Bernie. Guess what? If my taxes go up I'm going to retire. I hadn't planned on it but I certainly will if you raise my taxes. Then what?

I'm not alone. When it becomes cheaper and easier to stay home the number of people that stay home is going to go through the roof. While we're at it, I'll likely spend my first year of retirement looking for every single thing I can legally get from Uncle Sam.

As far as colleges goes, with the government footing the bill the colleges will be charging out the nose. After all, Uncle Sam (read:ME) is footing the bill. Tuition rates will go through the roof and likely the quality of education will drop.

We will be seeing more feminist dance therapy, basket weaving, puppetry degrees being awarded. With the current 'everybody wins a prize' mentality it's likely the requirements will drop because having to earn a degree will be considered unfair to dumb asses.

Seeing Uncle is paying for it, it will be taken advantage of and abused.

Of course, when graduates start popping out with easy to get, meaningless degrees a college education will cheapen. It will mean nothing and we will likely have an overabundance of useless undereducated idiots.

Hey, it's free! Why not?

Of course, don't look for anything like a job with a worthless degree...unless you are smart enough to do something about 'income inequity' like get a degree in engineering or technology. However that would require studying so when the free college degree is all over and done with we'll STILL have to import engineers from overseas.

How about this, Bernie?

How about cutting taxes and letting us find our own way? As usual, the less help the government give us the better off we all are.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Equal pay for women is a joke. It's a complete non-issue

Every politicial babbles on about how women should receive equal pay. Fact is it is nothing more than a bunch of hot air.

For one thing women DO get paid the same as men do. Check it out some time. Where can you say that women are not paid at least the same amount that men are for similar work?

In many cases I see some of the women need help that they don't seem to give their male counterparts.

Fortunately most of the women I see are fairly competent and actually deserve the equality. However this is not always the case.

Still, as far as I can see on a day to day basis it is no longer an issue. It's a bunch of thin smoke and dull mirrors. 

Politicians that say they'll fight for equal pay for equal work sound like they are saying they'll fight for the right to buy milk in gallon containers. Or that they'll support allowing us to buy bread by the loaf or eggs by the dozen. 

In short, who are they kidding?

Actually I believe that this is pretty true as far as all minorities go. I don't really see a whole lot of employers not hiring someone hiring on the basis of minority status. Virtually all employers generally hire on the basis of the person's individual skills.

In fact, when you get down to it, most employers would rather hire a minority than a white because it makes the company look good.

I wish this particular issue would simply go away because it is nothing more or less than a problem that was solved years ago.

The only reason is actually still exists is to give politicians an issue to put in front of the general public that really isn't paying attention to begin with. 

It looks to me that the only people that gripe about it are the people that don't have any skills to begin with.

Then again I support allowing employers to pay any wage to anyone that they want and for that matter hiring who they want. While you're at it doing business with who they want. It's called liberty and sometimes it's a bitch.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Is your deodorant giving you painful rashes?

So was the subject of an email I found in my spam folder.

No, you dunderhead. My deodorant does NOT give me painful rashes. If it gave me painful rashes I would not be using it.

Then again, maybe the sender ISN'T a dunderhead. They are probably trolling for idiots that WOULD use a deodorant that gives them painful rashes.

From time to time I keep forgetting that there are people out there that do not have enough sense to come in out of the rain.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Friday, April 15, 2016

Bernie Sanders has his head jammed so far up his butt it would take a 30-inch pipeline installed just to give him a glimpse of daylight.

If he gets his way with his 'tax the big corporations' plans we'll all be out of work.

Let me tell you a little story about how Philly chased away a long time employer. They stuck a certain (now defunct...they sold out and made a killing) tugboat company with their taxes which the company paid.

Then Philly decided to offer another tug company tax breaks to move there. I don't know if they did or not but the CEO asked Philly what plans they had to give them, the people that have been there for years, a little relief.

He was told that it only applied to newcomers.

"So you're giving my competition an edge?" he asked.

Philly refused to play ball with him. When his lease at Center City expired he simply announced they were out of there. He promptly moved the whole shebang down to Florida where the tax structure was easier on businesses.

Philly lost out on that one. Besides the taxes they lost, businesses in the area lost out. Philly was all the worse off for it.

What does this have to do with Bernie?

Simple. He wants to tax the living daylights out of the larger corporations to pay for social programs.

What is probably going to happen is a lot of corporations are very apt to leave the country or restructure so that their headquarters is off shore somewhere.

They may very well take the entire operation with them. That means jobs.

Bernie doesn't know squat about how business works and I suppose if some corporation moves out he'll get indignant.

It isn't really all that hard for an outfit like General Motors to pack up and leave. I'm sure, for example, that Mexico will cheerfully permit GM to set up shop there. Mexicans will cheerfully build cars to export to the States. So will a lot of other places. I would imagine that Vietnam would welcome an outfit of that size with open arms for the jobs it will create.

Bernie has already said he's going to raise taxes on the working stiff in order to raise money to pay for the lazy and stupid to sit on their asses all day.

If he gets his way this blogger will probably simply retire and join the ass sitters and become a drain on the system. Why work if I have to cough up half my income in taxes? 

I'll just retire, go on SNAP, EBT, whatever and get a 'free' Obama phone and help the system implode. While I am at it, I will scour the web for any state or federal benefit I can find and sign right the hell up for it. 

And why not? 

It sure beats working and coughing up half my income to support the lame and lazy. I'll hang out in the city for a while and learn the tricks of how to buy liquor and cigars with an EBT card. They seem to do it all the time.

The truth is that Bernie doesn't understand that businesses are in the business of making money and not in the business of giving their profits away to the government for social programs.

Another thing Bernie seems to think is that a college education should be free.


WHat he could do instead is make it affordable. The best way to do that is to simply eliminate the college loan program. If he does that people will not be able to go to college. Colleges will have to drop prices or go under.

While a few most likely will, the others that survive will be forced to drop tuition rates to fill the classrooms. The entire college system is bloated now, anyway. They will likley be forced to make cuts and go back to basics. As a result the education will likely get better than it is now.

The reason college is so expensive is that people are willing to pay the price. They take out a loan. If they can't take out a loan then supply and demand will lower the cost.

There are not very many banks that will make a student loan that isn't insured by the government.

Truth is Bernie is a socialist and what happens to socialists is they eventually run out of someone else's money to spend.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Thursday, April 14, 2016

One of the things that must have been a real circus was the arrival of GI Joe on the college campus.

Prior to WW2 colleges were sort of childish places. Kids fresh out of high school were supposed to do a lot of dopey stuff.

There were live in the dorms requirements, freshman beanies and all sorts of dopey little things. I suppose it was all a part of a college education when educations were for the well-to-do. 

The well-to-do sent their kids straight to college after high school so freshman year to a certain degree was just a part of the growing up process of the children of the well-to-do.

I chatted with an old Pacific Marine a while ago. He was the son of a working man of the time and he said that before the GI bill that college wasn't even a dream.

When the GI bill made college possible for a lot of working class veterans things changed. 

From a few of the stories I have heard over the years the colleges had a few things to deal with.

Married students was one thing. Quite a few GIs arrived on campus with wives and in some cases, children. Colleges were not really ready for that.

They also were not ready for freshmen in their 20s and some cases 30s that arrived there for nothing more than an education. They were more mature and focused. Most of them were there for a specific education. Many had hands on military experience in the fields they studied.

My father once told me about the early part of his freshman year. Some young freshman, away from home for the first time, kept everyone awake. Quick fix.

Three or four former GIs simply bound and gagged him and tossed him in his bed and left him there for the weekend. They simply told the rest of the dorm that if anyone untied him they would join him.

Inside a week the GIs were off campus. They told the administration they simply didn't have time for that kid stuff. They were there for an education.

The administration balked a bit but Dad and his buddies moved out anyway. They were a part of the change in college policies.

Freshman beanies didn't last too long, either. Former GIs simply threw them away. They also simply ignored a lot of the bullshit.

Actually it didn't take long for the colleges to smarten up. There were an awful lot of former GIs on campus now that didn't have time for the games. These were the guys that buckled down and hit the books. 

They didn't attend dances, socials, pep rallies and go out for sports. They were too busy getting their lives back in order.

Many schools even started the then unheard of concept of 'night school' and started offering evening classes. Of course, many GIs attended both night and day classes to be able to graduate earlier.

When you look at it in this day and age it's really not uncommon to see students in their late 20s and 30s in the college classroom. If you look at evening classes these days most of the students are older and many are veterans.

Truth is that the WW2 GI bill made colleges a lot more user friendly and approachable to older students.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Some of my bitterness goes back to the 60s

Here's a National Lampoon satire I remember well when it came out in '72.

Before you start flying off at the keyboard abut how racist it is remember that the Left as all about socialist revolution and so on. This is just a satire. The truth is that the rich liberal socialists, most of whom had managed to bag the draft were more than willing to use blacks as cannon fodder in their so-called revolution.

The singer is NOT Joan Baez, but an excellent imitator from the National Lampoon staff.

Here's another one I dug up somewhere that is just as meaningful now as it was back in 1969 when it was written.

This song was NOT racist. It was written to make fun of do-good liberals, the kind that have all but destroyed the country.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

I may have posted this before. I am getting old.

I know I have posted about haing medical work done on me by unlicensed people before. Most of whom were former military medics of some sort or another.

Anyway, I was getting a nasty cut sewn up at the Anchor bar by a former corpsman who had a 12 week course and a year in Vietnam as a medic under his belt.

While he was doing this I commented that he could get into all sorts of trouble if he was caught.

He grinned and said, "I have never let anything as petty as federal, state and local law keep me from doing the right thing."

You have to love guys like that.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Monday, April 11, 2016

If you think schools should be safer you are a racist.   Link is hot.

Ah, yes. We're playing the 'If you don't do whatever you're racist' card.

As usual Piccolo shoots the hostage. 

Bang! Headshot! I'm a racist. If a kid won't behave himself in class, then throw him the hell out. It really is that simple. Fact is I don't care what color a misbehaving kid is. Throw him the hell out. If that makes me a racist than I will wear it as a badge of pride.

There. Now what are you going to do about it? Cry me a river, build a bridge across it and get over it. 

Of course, I am still going to continue to treat everyone with courtesy, respect and dignity so long as they act like a civilized human being. Race, creed or color means nothing to me. People are people.

Many years ago I decided that I wasn't going to play that silly little game. I got over being called names and put in a category back when I was a little kid. I saw through that game well over fifty years ago and simply don't play it.

A few years back during the gay mariage issue someone told me that if I wasn't rabidly opposed to gay marriage than I must be gay.

So I told him I as as queer as a $3 bill and proceeded to tell him a bunch of made up nasty things I wanted to do to him. I was really quite graphic and crude. The guys standing near me even blushed and finally busted up laughing. He was laughed at to  the point where he stormed off. 

What was interesting is that some of the guys rode him like a train for quite some time afterwards. When ya gonna hook up with Piccolo? he was asked for months.

It truly galled him to no end. He was sorry he played his stupid little game on me.

Sorry, people. Your silly little game isn't going to work on me. I am guilty of anything you want me to be guilty of. I'll make a fool out of you. 

Actually I'll let you make a fool out of yourself. 

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Every presidential candidate should be forced to wear clown shoes

Every single candidate should be compelled to wear clown shoes until after the election because every single candidate is a clown.

Right now it looks like there are four contenders ao we can look at them.

Hillary Clinton. She belongs in jail. She's a criminal and most likely the next POTUS as of now. She should be wearing clown shoes.

Bernie Sanders. A socialist that believes in rainbows, unicorns and taking my hard earned money from me and giving it to someone else that's too lazy or stupid to earn their own. He wants college to be free. He should be wearing clown shoes.

Ted Cruz, the moral cop that wants to outlaw abortion and legislate morality. Seems half the hooker population of Washington DC wants to spill the beans on his extramarital doings according to what I keep reading. Issue Ted s pair of clown shoes.

Donald Trump, a man I thought might do some good by shaking the RNC and then as a result, the DNC up and cause them to clean up their act. He's entered the fray with an anti abortion social issue area and has likely alienated most women in the country. He should be wearing clown shoes.

This entire election cycle is nothing but one colossal clown shod spectacle of stupidity.

Every single one of the candidates ought to be wearing clown shoes every time they go before the American public. 

I'm just a grumpy old sailorman but I swear I could do a far better job than any of them.

For one thing, when I got drunk ashore and blew my money I did stop spending when my wallet was empty. That's a lot more than any of the others can claim.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Saturday, April 9, 2016

I will fight to the death to defend your right to be offended.

You have a God Given right to be offended as much as you want and by anything you want and I will defend that right!

Now OK, Pajama boy now f**k off, go find a corner somewhere get away from me be offended and leave me alone. If you don't like it then take it to Ray's Taxidermy and stuff it.

What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on around here when colleges have to have 'no offense zones' where offensive speech isn't permitted?

Personally I find that as offensive as hell.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Friday, April 8, 2016

Why Republicans lose elections.

Over the past several years I have seen Republicans consistently snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory in one hell of a lot of elections.

There is a reason. It was predicted by the late Barry Goldwater when asked about teaming up with the so-called Christian coalition. Goldwater (Silent Key. Amateur radio call sign K7UGA) said that the unification of the Republican party would be the end of the conservative movement in the United States. He was right.

The Republican party has been hammered by the Christian coalition to try and enforce morality. To put it in a nutshell people hate the moral police. They hate Hippocrates more but that's a different issue I'll address later.

The Republicans, at the goading and threats of the Christian coalition have entered the political arena with a few issues that are actually none of the governments business. They have been anti abortion for decades even though the issue was settled years ago. Roe vs Wade isn't going to change in the near future and most people believe that abortion is between a woman, her physician and her maker.

Yet an awful lot of Republican candidates seem to enter the fray hell bent on sticking the governments nose where it doesn't belong. Trying to outlaw abortion is a losing proposition and yet Republicans, goaded on by the Christian coalition come charging in and running off at the mouth about how they will try and change it.

They are instantly branded as anti woman.

It's pretty interesting that there are exceptionally devout Catholic women out there that abhor abortion under just about any circumstances. Yet these same women will go to bat simply for the woman's right to choose. I've personally heard a number of them say so.

"God, Pic, I hate abortion but I'll never tell another woman she can't." I've personally heard this numerous times. In short a stand on governmental regulation is a shot at woman's rights and alienates an awful lot of voters.

Some years ago when H. Ross Perot ran for president I heard his running mate, James Stockdale asked on his stand on abortion. He replied "That's between a woman, her physician and her maker." It ended the issue instantly. He simply said in a nutshell that the government had no business interfering in such a personal matter. 

There wasn't a whole lot anyone from either side of the issue could really say about it except for a few zealots. Even the zealots couldn't really show a whole lot of argument.

Yes. It really is that simple.

Gay marriage and gay rights is another issue Republicans have made fools out of themselves with. Gay marriage is now accepted and there's no going back.

Personally I think the government should get out of the marriage business entirely and put it back in the hands of the churches where it belongs. They should issue a 'civil union' to any couple of any sex that wants one. Everyone has the right to pass on their inheritance to someone  without the government sticking their hands into it.

Still, the Republicans have managed to alienate the entire gay community and their families and friends by making stupid statements regarding gays. It's been generally accepted by the scientific community that homosexuality is a thing that is pretty much hard wired into the brain and really isn't a whole lot of an individual choice. 

I'm not going to venture a guess at what percentage of the country is gay and it doesn't matter. Every gay person out there has parents, brothers, sisters, relatives and friends that are sympathetic to them. 

When a candidate alienates a single gay he generally alienates a lot more people than he thinks. He often alienates an entire extended family.

In short the Republicans should simply lay off the anti LGBT business simply because what goes in between consenting adults in private is of no concern of the government. There is a thing called liberty and by trying to legislate what goes on between consenting adults in private is an infringement on it.

I watched Rick Santorum a few years back. In the very beginning he was a pretty solid, serious contender for the Oval Office until he opened his mouth and dragged his Catholic beliefs into the political arena. When he opened his mouth he went from having a very, very solid shot at the presidency to probably not being able to be elected to town dogcatcher. It was a terrible thing to watch.

The truth is Americans hate having people try and force their religious and or moral beliefs on others. It's called 'liberty' and sometimes it's a bitch.

If you are a member of a church or other group that opposes abortion it simply means you can't get one. It does not mean you can tell someone else what to do. 

It seems that an awful lot of Republicans seem to have forgotten this.

What is interesting to note is that there are an awful lot of people out there that are fiscally conservative and socially liberal that are between a rock and a hard place come election time. They truly believe in governmental fiscal responsibility yet feel that the Republicans are trying to legislate morality. These people truly want to support core conservative values but see the Republican party sticking its nose where it doesn't belong.

The party as it stands now is getting ready to snatch yet another defeat out of the jaws of victory. It is nothing short of amazing that they can't put up someone that can beat Hillary Clinton.

Yet it seems that every election they manage to en snarl themselves up in social issues that have nothing to do with anything that government should have any business legislating.

Looking at even Donald Trump. He entered the abortion/social issue fray and alienated a lot of women that might have supported him. You would think he's know better but apparently he doesn't.

Another pair of issues are security and immigration. Yet the Republicans have been too cowardly to enter the fray and support secure borders. My guess on that is that with the horde of illegal immigrants the RNC is picking out pockets and getting richer because of it.

Illegal immigrants are taking jobs from citizens in huge numbers. They are also adding to the strain on social services and many of them are not paying into them. They are costing the rest of us billions.

Yet the only Republican that has addressed the issue is Donald trump. However it is not likely he will be the least if GOPe has anything to say about it.

Of course, the polls say he can't beat Hillary but that's not cast in stone yet. I also wonder how accurate the polls are as there are a lot of crossover blue collar democrat voters that have expressed support for Trump.

The Republican party--it's other problems notwithstanding-- really isn't going to go anywhere in the foreseeable future until they jettison the social issues and get back on track with the basics.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Thursday, April 7, 2016

#Black lives matter is now the black version of the Ku Klux Klan.

Do gooders and liberals can make all the excuses they want but the truth is there, plain and simple.

I have never supported the Klan and I refuse to support BLM.

Both of them ought to go to someplace in the desert and duke it out. The fewer survivors of either side the better off the rest of us will be.

Yes. It really IS that simple.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Zee Burglaire of Banf-f-f-f has returned.

Something turned up missing the other day. I knew it was gone and had already made a mental note to replace it. My shipmate noticed the item was gone and asked me rhetorically where it went.

"I think he were robbed by Zee Burglaire of Banf-f-f," I replied.

He's an old salt and grinned. "I haven't heard about him in eons," he replied.

The younger guy furrowed his brows and thought. "I've heard of him and I can't remember where I heard of him," he said.

With a deadpan straight face, my shipate replied that he used to work out west somewhere but it looks like he's working around here these days.

The youngster furrowed his brows. Then his face showed understanding. "You guys," he said. "How do you remember all of that crap?"

Zee Burglaire of Banff-f-f-f

I don't know how I remember things from my childhood but I do. It's stuff like what I had for breakfast that seems to elude me constantly.

What is interesting is that there are a boatload of 60 something year old men that have not heard or thought of Ze Burglaire of Banf-f-f-f in decades but if you bring it up they will all say, "Ze Burglaire of Banf-f-f-f" out loud with a big grin on their faces.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Loose Lips Sink Ships.

In 1942 B-25 aircraft flew off the deck of USS Hornet and bombed targets in Tokyo. It was mainly a morale mission and the people in the United States were thrilled.

It was looked at as a payback for the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

While in reality it did little damage to the Japanese war machine it bolstered the confidence of the American people.

Of course, everyone wanted to know the details but FDR never said a single word about the part Hornet played in the raid. He did this to protect the servicemen on board her from what he knew would be a vengence attack on her by the Japanese.

FDR told the American public that the bombers flew out of 'our secret base in Shangri-La'.

He kept the secret that Hornet was the carrier that had been the base of the attack.

A few years back Joe Biden ran his mouth that it was SEAL Team Six that killed Osama Bin Laden. The Al Quida people then set the SEAL team up and several of our people were killed as a direct result of Biden's big mouth.

As far as some of us are concerned Joe Biden owes the American public in general and the parents, widows and orphans of those thirty service people in specific for their lives. He used his inside information and revealed it strictly for political gain.

I believe he belongs in jail.

I also believe Hillary Clinton belongs in jail for her alleged email security violations. Especially if it is proved tht they would have compromised troop security. 

FDR never forgot that US Servicepeople are fellow citizens. He also never forgot that they were human beings and the sons and daughers of American people. He did the best job possible to do what he could to keep them safe.

The lives of service people are not to be carelessly spent. They are not to be used for political or personal financial gain. Service people are to be used strictly do defend the nation. 

These days politicians seem to think that the troops are there as decorations or to be carelessly sent out to risk their lives for personal gain of leadership. It's about high time that attitude changed.

I served in the early 70s and if I were to be asked to serve under the present leadership I would outright refuse. Then again, I served with an attitude a US Marine I met about 15 years ago served with.

I didn't (and nether did he) serve the American government. I served the American people.

Until pretty recently I would advise young people that were wondering what to do next to serve a hitch. I'm not too sure I would recommend that in this day and age.

and for those of you with a National Lampoon memory:

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

Sunday, April 3, 2016

Nosy people

One of the things someone asked me many, many years ago is if I had done any 'hard work'. He meant had I been some kind of killer. The proper term at the time was actually 'wet work'.

I for the life of me don't have Clue One as to where he got the idea I was some kind of hit person. I'm generally a kind, easygoing type and it generally shows...unless you annoy me. 

Of course, me friend, the Late Great Blaine was sitting next to me and looked at the chick and told her I had recently gotten out of the French Foreign Legion. Blaine was always good for stuff like that.

The little nosy one, a chick gave me an indignant look, turned her nose up at the pair of us and walked off. Another guy that had heard and seen the entire thing commented that with friends like Blaine to run women off that I didn't really need enemies.

"Au Contraire," I replied. "Blaine kept the drama queens and airheads away from me and make my life a LOT easier."

He did, too.

A month or so earlier some little chickie-poo was in the Anchor Bar stirring up things and started in on trying to get Blaine to beat up someone she claimed had insulted her. Blaine wasn't having any of it. He simply said he'd beat her up if she wanted so she'd have something to complain about.

"You'd hit a chick?" she asked, obviously upset.

Blaine pointed to me. "No, but he would. He knocked some mouthy chick cold a couple weeks ago."

Sally the bartender had heard everything and seen enough of this chicks bad act. "Yeah," she butted in. "Pic knocked some silly twit out cold a couple of weeks ago because she was acting like you."

"But I'm a chick!" she protested.

Sally looked at her."That means he won't have to hit you as hard to knock you out," she said. She gave me a sly smirk.

The little chickie-poo left immediately much to the amusement of everyone in the joint. She had been had by a group of professionals.

Of course, the story would make the rounds, her version and then the truth. The truth is what set me free. I kept my reputation for being a nice guy with everyone that mattered and the rest didn't count. In fact my good nature and ability to keep a straight face led me to a lot of interesting social situations from time to time.

It also led me to becoming a part of the Great Non-Bank Robbery of Someplace, Oklahoma.

It was actually a prank we pulled on a summer college girl that had been hired to work at a fisherman/longshoreman bar. She really wasn't the right person for the job but we treated her well because she actually wasn't too bad. She learned fast to let a lot of things ride.

Still, she had a certain innocence about her and we invited her to join us and explained she'd make a hell of a lot more money than she would pouring beer. It took some doing but we sucked her in.

After we had her in we told her that we robbed a different bank every year and lived on the money we had stolen. She instantly got nervous as she realized she was in over her head.

We told her she was to wait next to a phone booth with a stolen car and keep it running because it was the second get-away car. I'd drive the first one, drop two of the three guys off and she'd drive them east. I'd snag the other car and drive my guy west and we'd meet up at 'The Old Place' and pick up a third car provided by "Mister Gagilano"and give him his 10%.

"Mister Gagliano" was supposedly the Oklahoma mob boss and he'd supply a couple of cars and we'd split up and meander back to Kodiak.

I had a friend in a travel agency and she knew what we were up to and handed me a handful of bogus boarding passes, one of which had Connie College's name on it. 

Then we took Connie out and taught her to shoot a revolver. She was as nervous as hell.

Two days later we showed up at the bar and told he she was gonna meet 'The Boss' the next day.

Lieutenant Bennet was one of us and probably one of the scruffiest Alaskans I had ever met. He gave an entirely new meaning to the word scruffy. I was the one responsible for his nickname but that I may tell later. It's a pretty good story.

Anyway, we took Bennet to the Mission (same-same Goodwill store) and bought him a suit and then to the barbershop. I think it was his first trip the the barbershop in ten years.

When we had cleaned him up nobody could recognize him if he kept his mouth shut. He was only recognizable by his snaggle teeth and he knew to keep his mouth shut.

Then we went back to the Anchor and sat down. Connie College took one look at him and paled. Here was a real live Mob guy! Right in front of her in her bar!

Bennett kept his face down and hidden behind a fedora ala movie mob guy in a speakeasy. I handed Connie her bogus airline ticket and she shook even more. She was a terrified mess! 

Louie over in the corner ordered a beer and she spilled it when she served it and she almost dropped a bottle of scotch when she poured a drink for "Mister Gagliano". We let her stew for a while.

When I gave Bennet the high sign he said, "Connie!"

She turned and was treated to the biggest snaggle-toothed grin and wave from Lieutenant Bennet. She broke up laughing the laugh of someone that had just dodged a bullet. 

The whole place knew what was going on and laughed uproariously and much to the credit of Connie College she reached up and rang the bell and bought a round for the entire place.


I gave Lieutenant Bennet his nickname one day when some Lower 48er saw him and asked me about Bennet's family. He was such a scruffy character that newcomers wondered about him.

A woman asked me about his family.

I told her that Bennet had a master's in Law Enforcement and was a medically retired Los Angeles Police department vice officer that had specialized in undercover work. I explained that during Operation Cyclone (a fictitious operation) he had been shot and the department had retired him.

The truth is that I knew nothing about his past. It didn't matter and at the time most of the people I knew were either running from something or looking for something. A man's past was his own business. 

Blaine was next to me when I told the woman the story and the name stuck. He became Lieutenant Bennet for the rest of the time I knew him until he was killed in a fishing accident a few years later.

His death hit me pretty hard.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY