Picking apples with the kids is the plan for the day

Uncle Piccolo is going apple picking with his niece's 2 kids.

A day of lifting small children up into trees. I wish I was about 35 years younger and was the ammo can lift champion for the 3rd Bn, 5th Marines. Hoo-rah!

But I'm not, I'm a 57 year old sailor.

I'm back, and it was a pretty good deal, really. All of the kid lifting was done by their father, who enjoys doing things like that. Supplementary lifting was done by Auntie Sue and others. All I know is that I wasn't lifting children into the air, which is fine by me.

My nephew also snagged some cider, and I'll just bet the clever devil is going to ferment it and make hard cider. Maybe I'll ask him to make apple wine, s drink from my misspent youth. Ah, yes. I well remember the two-dollar buzz. A quart of beer, a jug of Boone's Farm Apple wine, and a shot of whatever was on sale for the change. Two bucks and a guy was good to go.

We got home and I proceeded to bake cornbread, which will make the kids think that I shit ice cream. I guess the last time I was here I baked it to go along with chili or some such thing and the little kids loved it.

I guess this ain't the Old South because years ago it wasn't a treat, it was a basic staple.

Gotta love my sis because she does a good job of telling me what to do to look like a hero.

This morning was a typical family goatfuck, as per SOP.

We were supposed to go apple picking at 0900. Yeah, Right!

We didn't get going until 1100. Trying to get this gang to do ANYTHING on time takes more than an act of congress. A team of Drill Instructors would have a rough go of getting this mob motivated.

I made it a point to be last in the shower because I only take a minute or so to get dressed.

Of course, when I said I was hitting the rain locker, everyone complained that it would make everyone late. Fat chance of that. I can walk into the bathroom and be out dressed in a hell of a lot less time than the rest of the mob, with the exception of my nephew. He's pretty good.

When I came out of the bathroom showered and dressed, my sis was still in the process of getting dressed. Knights in the days of Yore could get into an entire suit of armor faster than one of my sisters can get ready to go anywhere. The other sister is actually pretty good.

She's also one of the most professoinal travelers I know. OK, maybe not professional, but practical. She has that wonderful ability on a long road trip to understand that she's not really likely to have to deal with anyone on the road, so when she's on the final leg of the journey home, she's apt to leave the motel in her pajamas and wear them for the last day of the drive.

It makes sense, when you think about it, really. Nobody's going to see you and when you get home, you're most likely to go straight to bed anyway. I have to admit that sleepwear is pretty comfy to travel in if you're driving. Coupled with the convenience of drive thru dining and you don't have to deal with anyone. Makes sense to me.

As I write this, the womenfolk are trying to figure out what to do with today's pick your own apples. I'll probably wind up with the Hershey squirts for sure. Apple pie, apple cobbler, apple fritters, whatever else. The amount of apples we snagged is borderline nuts, and it makes me wonder one thing.

What was it like in the old days when the man of the house brought home a brontosaurous?

I bought an yachting cap yesterday and I'm working on getting it broken in right. I finally found the right brand that I can sew my Space Cadet wings on.

I have a couple of them, and they have different uses. The tan one I wear driving. The other white one is pretty grubby and has all the stiffeners and innards removed and there's a Kreigsmarine badge on the front. It looks like a U-Boat commanders cap and when I wear it the guys call me 'Kapitan', as in Kahppy-tahn, as in 'Jawohl, mein kapitan'.

This goes back to an incident in New York Harbor several years ago which I will post later on as I have to go for now.

I'm back.

The yachting cap with the Kriegsmarine cap device is a replacement for a stunt I pulled in New York Harbor. The stunt amused a few ot the guys so they chipped in and actually bought me a repo U-Boat commander's cap, which I wore for a long time until it got blown off of my head and went over the side a couple of years later. The title 'Kapitan' came with it.

Anyway, I was working on this barge and we had a delivery in NY Harbor and were headed down the Kills when the tug had to make passing arrangements via VHF.

The following conversation took place:

Rustbucket:(a 3rd world manned ship. 3rd mate's watch, very broken English) " Rustbucket, Tug Patty Ann."

Tug: "Patty Ann"

Rustbucket: "I see you on 2 whistles."

Tug, bored voice,obviously been picked on by too many foriegn flagged horse's ass mates, "2 whistles it is."

This passing arrangement meant that the tug would have to manuever. A 1 whistle pass would really be easy for both parties. The 3rd mate was being totally lazy and I could tell he had an attitude problem and thought he was hot shit because he was a ship. Truth is, the tug and barge is every bit as hard to handle as the ship.

Me: "Untersee 347, Tug Patty Ann"

Tug: (Mate knew who I was) "Untersee 347"

Me: "Outer doors open, tubes flooded, where do you want the fish?"

Rustbucket: "Rustbucket, Tug Patty Ann. One whistle OK?"

Tug: "One whistle sounds great."

Coast Guard: "Untersee 347, where are you now? I can't see you on the radar."

Me: "Untersee bots do not show up on Radar. Switch to Sonar for our position."

Coast Guard:"Uhh...Roger." His voice changed, making it obvious he had figured out what was going on. "Will pass resopnsibility of you to the Navy."

Me: " Roger, out."

Not a word was said, but next trip the guys on the tug handed me a U-Boat commander's cap and I was then called "Kapitan".

When I wear the cap to this day, anyone that knows the story calls me 'Kapitan' The reason I really wear it is simply because younger sailors expect it.



Thus ends the Gospel According to Piccolo