Some people have never read the Official Teenager Manual before and they should.
For example, Chapter 6, page 6-12 covers Article 2, Amendment B, Section 6-b, Clause M covering the unlawful procurement of alcoholic beverages by underage teens. It is specific on this.
It clearly specifies that if they do not have an older sibling, close relative, family friend of legal age that is willing to procure alcohol for them it is permissible for them to hang outside of a store that sells said beverages and ask adults to make an illegal straw purchase of an alcoholic beverage for them.
I, of course, being a responsible adult, smirked at them when I entered the store because I have a policy of purchasing alcohol only for underage young people that have a bona fide active duty military ID card on their person. Even then they must pass scrutiny of a sharp-eyed old man that remembers his misspent youth very well and can spot a troublemaker a mile away.
They had no such ID so I shook my head and politely refused, after politely explaining my policy.
I was actually headed in there to purchase a six-pack for personal use as I wanted a nice cold one after an extremely hard day of doing very little. As a senior citizen there is damned little I have to explain to anyone if I decide I want a beer and generally have a piece of mistletoe clipped to my shirt tail. Feel free to use it.
I entered the store and went straight to the beer refrigerator and snagged a half-dozen chilled bottles of Stella Artois, otherwise known as nectar of the gods and headed to the register.
I was halfway there when I heard a voice quivering with fear and self rightous indignation cry out, "There's a teenager outside trying to get an adult to buy alcohol for him!"
Now my mentors while growing up were the WW2 guys and they all had their own individual senses of morality and following the fine example set by them, I developed my own.
When I heard the upset woman I realized that it was one of those situations where I was faced living up to my personal morals. I knew that it would be completely and totally morally wrong to let that one go without immediate action. I would not be able to live with myself otherwise. I held up my six-pack high.
"Don't worry, Lady. I have him taken care of!" I said. Then I turned to the 12 year old about 10 feet away and asked loudly "Hey, Kid, Howya doin' for smokes?"
The shocked kid recovered quickly and replied, "I'm good. Thanks." He was a sharp kid. He knew a troll when he saw one. He was a damned sight smarter than the woman.
Needless to say the woman went off like a ten pound block of C-4.
"How can you possibly give alcohol to a young person?" she screeched.
"Lady, I'm not giving him anything. I'm trading it with him for a bag of weed. Senior citizens are always getting ripped off and the only way us seniors can get any decent dope is to hook up with a teenager! Besides, it's good for them. It washes the cocaine out of their systems."
That really wound her up! She didn't notice everyone in the store covering their mouths to keep from laughing.
I had my ID scanned (at age 70), paid for my beer and as I was doing this the woman whipped out her phone and dialed 911. As I was walking out I listened to her report the Crime of the Century.
I shuffled out of the store, searched for the kids, found them and then I am ashamed to admit I slipped back into my youth. " Cheese it! The cops!" I shouted.
Then I realized that there are things that simply transcend the generations. While I have not heard (or used) the warning I gave the two kids used in over 50 years, there was no doubt to them what it meant. The kid jumped into his pal's car and they roared out of the convenience store parking lot. I was impressed because the instant they hit the street they merged and quietly drove off. I was somewhat impressed with the professional way they quietly left with no spinning ot tires or other fanfare. They had obviously been trained and trained well.
I threw my beer into the cab of my pickup and quietly left. As I was leaving the parking lot a police car came roaring in.
As I drove myself home I laughed and wondered what kind of three ring circus I had created.
Aftermath.
Two weeks later.
Location: The same convenience store.
I walked in because the beer I had bought two weeks earlier was gone and I was in the mood for one. I walked past the register and as I did I heard the guy ringing he register shout, "It's that guy!"
I froze and turned to leave but was stopped cold. Suddenly I was introduced to the entire store staff and a couple of the regulars and treated to the tale of what happened after I had left.
They told me what happened when the police arrived. The cop figured out almost immediately she had been trolled and promised her he'd get the entire department on the case.
The clerk said that as the cop spoke he had a mental picture painted for him of an old fashioned desk sergeant sitting at a high desk in front of a big lollipop microphone saying, "Calling all cars! Calling all cars!" as old fashioned police cars started turing on sirens and cops on motorcycles behind billboards kick-started Harleys and roared off in hot pursuit of some desperate criminal. In the squad cars the guys riding shotgun were loading Tommy guns in preperation for the climatic shootout. Straight out of an old James Cagney movie!
He told me the officer took about 10 pages of seeemingly careful notes and when the woman finally left he handed his 'notes' to the clerk and asked him to throw them out. He looked at them and said the pages were just inane scribbling. He told me the cop laid it on really thick to their amusement while the woman was carefully describing the desperate youthful criminals.
Then they took my six-pack from me and replaced it with a 12-pack and simply gave it to me for free. "Manager's orders," he explained.
Three months later:
I was in the same area and a cop was enjoying a cup of coffee at a coffee shop and I sat down at the next table. I struck up a conversation with him by asking him what was his most entertaining call in the past year or so. He thought for a couple of seconds and chuckled.
"A while ago I got called to a convenience store by some upset woman that reported that some old man was trading beer for marijuana with a teenager..."
I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut and listened to a VERY entertaining story and laughed myself silly.
I like this version better! LOL
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious
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