Buy me an alarm clock.

This is a story about a former employer I had. It isn't my story but I remember the incident well. The tug skipper told me the story himself.

There was a scheduled three day seminar for tug officers and the company was supposed to put everyone up in the hotel. The seminar would be held in their conference/seminar room.

Now Lefty lived a couple of miles away from the hotel and the office called him and asked if they had to book him a room seeing he lived so close.

"Not if you buy me an alarm clock," said Lefty.

"We can't buy you an alarm clock. Buy your own alarm clock," said the company person that was organizing the seminar.

"Then I guess you'll have to put me up in the hotel," he said. "If you don't I'll probably be late because I don't have an alarm clock."

"You don't have an alarm clock?" she asked.

"Nope. Don't need one," he replied.

"How do you get up to go on watch?" she asked.

"The mate wakes me," he said. "He'd better if he wants to get off watch on time."

She sounded confused. "How do you know when to come to work?"

"My deckhand calls me when he leaves home," he replied. "That gives me more than enough notice. I get up, have my coffee and drive to work."

"You don't have an alarm clock?" she asked, somewhat confused.

"I already told you that," he replied.

"Well I can't see putting you up in an expensive hotel if you only live a few minutes away," she said, with an air of indignation.

"I guess you're just going to have to buy me an alarm clock then," he replied. "That or put me in a room. One or the other."

"Why can't you simply commute from home?" she asked.

"Because I don't have an alarm clock," he answered.

They went round and round several more times and he  said it was funnier than 'Alice's Restaurant'. They just kept going in circles for almost an hour. She simply didn't have the ability to comprehend.

He wound up staying in a room.

I never figured out why the woman simply didn't tell him to pick up an alarm clock and turn the reciept in to his port captain for reimburstment.

He wasn't looking for a whole lot out of the deal, just a token to remind them that he was saving them a few bucks. The woman running the seminar was just too damned dumb to realize that. 

A couple of years later I had to deal with this woman. There was a companywide seminar and I had to go. It was sort of split up. They were having one in Philly and one in Tampa.

Seeing it was cold out I opted for Tampa. They would fly me down and put me up. 

I got a call asking me why I had opted for Tampa.

"Because the flight for Philly leaves at 0530 and the flight for Tampa leaves at 1600," I replied. 

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked.

"I'd miss the flight to Philly because my alarm clock just broke," I said.

"I'll put you down for Tampa," she said.

I went to Tampa and had a pretty good time.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY