Walmart parking lot a few years back. I had just pulled into a parking space. Someone pulled into the space directly behind me and as I was getting out so was he. He went straight to the trunk, opened it and started taking his three children out of it and stood them on the pavement.
For a second I was sort of stunned but quickly smelled bull$hit and took a quick peek into the trunk. Sure enough, half of the back seat back was down. The kids had crawled through the hole and into the truck where Dear Old dad scooped them up and deposited them on the pavement. Needless to say, I was amused.
Some woman pushing a shopping cart saw it and was not amused. She came charging up and started to go off on Dear Old Dad adding to my amusement. When Dad told her to mind her own damned business she stormed off incensed adding even more to my amusement.
I stayed clear. I wanted to watch the show.
I was still working and had nothing planned for the day I had off. I decided to see what he would do when he got back to the car.
Maybe a half hour later he returned carrying a bag and walking with the three kids. When he got to the car he opened the trunk and started throwing them in like cordwood. It was pretty funny to watch and he was snarling "I'm not going to listen to you little yard apes all the way to Chicago! Now hurry up. We don't have all day!"
He was doing a pretty good Danny DeVito impersonation. It was pretty funny. The guy was good. He sounded like a nasty little $hit but I knew it was an act.
As he closed the trunk I heard a loud "Owww!"
That was followed by a loud, "Shaddup and get your damned arm out of the way!" He reraised the trunk lid and gave it a good slam.
About this time some woman came charging up waving her phone and telling him she had pictures and was going to call the police.
"Go ahead, you old bag," he snapped back. She grabbed her phone and dialed and called the police who showed up a couple of minutes after he had left with his kids seated and belted into the back seat.
The woman flagged the hapless cop down and carrying on as to be expected. I caught the cop's eye and said, "Don't leave before you talk to me. Finish with her first." He nodded.
After he was finished with the woman the cop came over to me. "Did you see what happened?" he asked.
"A man pulled in, got out and opened the trunk and three kids squirmed through the fold down seat back and exited the vehicle through the trunk. It was some pretty funny $hit. I looked inside the car when he was out of sight and saw the right half of the backrest was down," I said. "When they returned to the car they reversed the process. The guy was a pretty good actor, too. Sounded a lot like Danny Devito when he said he wasn't going to listen to them all the way to Chicago. I almost cracked when he said that and I play you laugh you lose a lot!"
"You sure those kids were not being abused?" he asked. He was serious.
"Absolutely not. I saw the father look carefully to make sure they were buckled in properly in the back seat. The kids scrunched down to stay as hidden as best they could. Dad was doing his job in spades looking forward to the memories to come," I said.
"Memories?" the cop asked.
"Yeah. In about 25 years down the road they will be at a family gathering. Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever and one of those kids is probably going to say, "Remember when Dad used to let us ride in the trunk?" The three of them will sit at the table and laugh themselves silly and tell their kids about it. You only get to raise kids once so you might as well have fun doing it and make a few memories."
The cop looked at me. "I used to hate calls like these but after so many calls over kicked and abused kids a call like this is actually a delightful rare treat. Thank you."
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