Thursday, January 6, 2011

Back to the drone of Suburbia for a post

Neighbor Bob finally got smart this year and planned ahead.

Like most people, his garage is stuffed with the usual trappings of life in Outer Suburbia. It’s winter and the patio furniture etc. is in the garage taking up the space that surrounds the car that is generally parked there.

Not this year. He got slick for a change.

His snow blower is in the garage and the patio furniture is in the shed. He learned from last year when we got clobbered with snow.

Most people in this neighborhood leave their snow removal machinery in the shed because they really don’t think ahead.

When it snows the owner of the snow blower generally has to break out a shovel and dig their way to the shed which is pretty stupid when you think about it. After all, you bought the damned thing so you don’t have to shovel in the first place.

Now all he has to do is open the garage door, fire the machine up and start pushing snow out of the way.

This is the way it is supposed to be.

Of course, Bob was also smart enough to make damned good and well he planned the entire operation ahead.

He made good and sure that he could get the snow blower out of the garage without having to move the wife’s car.

He did this because the only thing that is more stupid than having to dig a path to the shed to get to the snow blower is having to dig a place in the driveway to park the car so he can get to the snow blower.   

Of course this story doesn’t end here.

Bob’s other neighbor really isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He keeps his snow removal equipment in a shed about fifty yards away from the house where it rusts in peace.

Come winter it generally stays there because it is too far away to get to.

Come snowfall, Bob’s neighbor whines and carrys on and Bob generally blows the neighbor’s driveway out just to shut him up.

This year is different.

Before I left for sea this last tour, Bob and I went down to this guys shed and hauled his snow blower up to his garage and he and I got the damned thing running.

Most people reading this will think we are fools for doing this, but truth be known, we didn’t do this for him.

We did it for us.

When his wife asked us why we did this she went into shock with the answer she got. She actually had the gall to ask him why we were doing this and how come he wasn’t planning on taking care of their driveway ‘like you do every year’.

Bobs answer sent her into shock.

“This year is different,” Bob said to her. “I am tired of being played for a sucker. This year you are going to put on your big girl panties and your husband is going to find his missing jock strap you two are going to learn to take care of yourselves. My back isn’t as young as it used to be and I can barely take care of myself.”

It is good to see Bob getting smarter this year.

Next winter they are on their own as far as getting their snow machine started. I’ll just bet you that next winter they won’t be able to get it started because he is either too lazy or too stupid to empty the stale gas out of the tank and clean the carburetor.

Two bucks to a stale doughnut on that one.




my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/

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