Amy Vanderbilt, Emily Post and I have decided to post a few things on etiquitte.

1. You do not eat peas with a knife. You mix them into the mashed potatoes and eat them with a spoon.

2. You do not show anything but respect to an older person. To do so might be painful. If it is a very old man wearing WW2 ID of any kind it will become VERY, VERY painful. While it is against the law to simply shoot you, this will not end well for you. You will probably either die or if you survive you will go to prison. Pick one.

3. Politeness gets you places. The other day a young man explained to me he was shopping on his lunch hour so I let him in front of me in line. He was polite. He also had a job and was paying for his purchases out of his paycheck which is nice to see in a young man in this day and age. This leads to...

4. If you are paying for your purchases with government assistance of any type, please go to the end of the line. After all the rest of us are paying for your purchases for you and we have jobs to go to so we can continue to pay for your stuff. Respect that.

5. You are responsible for the conduct of your children. I will not hold the precious little darlings responsible in any way. I will simply tase YOU until YOUR hair stands up and then we will discuss what to do about the misbehaviour of your child.

6. If your children are well behaved I will ask you permission to treat them to a candy bar or something along these lines. They are your children and you know what they can and can not eat.

7. (PA drivers take note) When it is your turn to drive, drive. Do not waive your right of way. It is your turn, take it. Many of us have learned to drive somewhere else where everybody takes his turn as a matter of custom. Although you are trying to be polite, don't. It scares the hell out of the rest of us that learned to drive in Jersey.

8. When it is not your turn at an intersection do not barge out there. Wait your turn.

9. When a person shows kindness to someone else do not assume he is going to do the same thing for you. You may be in for a surprise when you try and take advantage of his kindness and he painfully shows you that although he is kind, he is not weak.

10. Contrary to what you may have heard, there ARE stupid questions. Don't ask them. If you do and you don't like the answer, remember you have only yourself to blame.

11. I'm having codfish and eggs for breakfast. So what? I don't need your comments. If you don't like it eat something else.
　
　　

my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/