It's starting.

Before I got off someone asked me about Christmas, which is a holiday I prefer NOT to be ashore for. I smiled and told him that the upcoming one was going to be spent at sea and with a smile told him that I have celebrated one Christmas ashore in the past decade.

He looked at me agape and started in on how that wasn't fair and yada yada yada and how he was going to try and right that awful wrong. This is as close as I have come to out and out swinging on a coworker as I have in twenty years. I would have sent 20 years or more up in smoke had I followed my initial instincts because I would have hurt him bad. Real bad.

"Go talk to Johnny," I snapped. "Johnny knows why you ought to mind your own business." I turned to where Johnny was about thirty feet away.

"Johnny, tell this guy why he should not meddle into my Christmas," I said.

Johnny turned ashen.

"You do not want too do that, Lou." he said. "Do not go there. If you ruin Pic's Christmas by sticking your nose into things he will ruin yours for you and your entire family if. Leave him be. I'm serious. Walk away right now or you will regret it the rest of your life."

Lou looked confused,"Well...well...I don't understand," he carried on. "I'm just trying to do a guy a favor."

"That's because you are stupid, Lou. Here's your sign." I said, and started to walk away.

Lou walked over to Johnny and started talking to him and I saw Lou look at me agape.

Johnny remembered what I did about 15 years ago when someone meddled into my affairs and got the office to put me ashore for Christmas. It wasn't pretty. I called the idiot at home a couple of times on Christmas day and cussed him out.

When you are around a person that does not like Christmas the smartest thing you can do is leave him the hell alone unless you want to get burned. It will save you a lot of grief.

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My Holiday depression season has not quite started yet but it is on the way. I was actually in a pretty good mood while I was grub shopping today and the background Christmas music hadn't started getting to me yet. I was actually singing along to a Christmas carol, but in my own way. I wasn't singing too loudly but I guess the jerk behind me heard it.

It was an old tune from back in the days I was commercial fishing in Alaska.

"The skipper gave to me, Fiiiive hoooours sleep...four totes of fish, three crab pots, two black boots, and a rotten set of orange rain gear," I sang, somewhat softly.

The jerk looked at me and started in on how he was offended. Of course, I looked hurt and contrite.

Then I turned on the warmth. The only one I know of that does warmth better than I do is probably Wolfman Jack and probably nobody under 40 remembers him. I got all apologetic and the clerk behind the register, whom I have known for years, braced herself. She's seen it before. She knows a set-up when she sees one.

"Perhaps I could change my tune," I suggested, warmly. "I could sing one of those nice old sea chanties the guys in the Royal Navy sang."

"I wish you would," said the whiner.

I looked at the clerk and gave her a conspiratorial wink and turned to the meddler.

"Three old whores from Winnippeg were drinking a sherry wine..." I started singing, rather loudly.

The guy pulled his cart out and started looking for another lane. The clerk laughed outright.

As soon as he left, I looked at the clerk. She looked seriously at me. "A lot of people don't have enough sense to leave people alone this time of year. My husband gets pretty moody so I understand how it is."

"Thank you, Lois," I said, unloading my cart.
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Ask any cop. He'll tell you.

Between Thanksgiving and New Year's he has to deal with more angry people and domestic violence than he does for the rest of the entire year. I'd bet he'll say the week before Christmas is the worst.

If you ask why I'd bet he'll tell you that the spark is generally when someone doesn't have enough sense to keep their mouth shut.
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Several years ago I parked on a spot overlooking the mall and set up my spotting scope and sat on my stool with binoculars overlooking the parking lot of the local mall.

It was funny, but at the same time sad, too because there were a lot of pretty angry people getting ready to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ by getting into a fight over a damned parking space in a mall.

It was pretty savage entertainment when you think about it. It rates up there with boxing and the Roman gladiator doings in the arena. I was watching a bunch of people bickering over parking spots.

I could see that there were people with at least some sense. They parked on the outskirts of the place and hiked into the mall, which is what I would have done if I had to go into that zoo.

Anyway, as usual, when I find something interesting to do, there is always someone that gets upset and after a while a cruiser pulled up and a cop got out. He asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was watching a pretty good zoo scene down below.

He told me there had been a complaint of a possible sniper or something, and I gave him a sour look.

"I'm just watching people celebrate the birth of our saviour, Jesus Christ by getting into a fist fight in a parking lot," I replied.

The cop took his turn. He gave me a sour look.

I knew I was getting the boot. I looked into the parking lot.

"There's one," I said and looked through the binoculars for a second and handed the binoculars to the cop. I aimed my spotting scope at the activity and we watched a hand stick out a window and someone shake a fist at the guy that had beaten him to the spot.

"We get a lot of fender benders in that parking lot this time of year," commented the cop, still looking through the binos.

"I saw a pretty close call on a fist fight a while ago," I said.

"I'm not surprised," said the cop. "I get several calls every year to that lot to be a referee."

The cop turned to me. "I want you out of here," he said. "When I come back here in three hours I don't want to see you here."

I looked at the cop and surpressed a grin. "Thank you," I said.

"Three hours. Be gone by then," he said.

When you consider the fact that that particular department has a reputation of being pretty tough, that said an awful lot.



my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/