At the Post Office.

So I had to post a package to a guy I know and when I was done as I was walking off, I said to the postal guy, "Stay off the streets and out of the pool halls and make sure you set a good example for our children."

He grinned, but the nebby lady that was behind me didn't.

I do not know what is wrong with me but I seem to draw people like that like the moon draws water. They come at me out of the woodwork. Maybe it is the season, but she stared at me. "I suppose you think you're real funny," she said.

This was completely unsolicited. I was talking to the postal guy, whom I have known for years, and had never said a word to this woman.

I was having a pretty good day. My brain today was not running in analog. The mental hard drive was running at about 5 gigs and there were no errors occurring that would require a mental reboot. It took a nanosecond to plot a solid firing solution for this one.

Firing solution plotted. Outer doors open, tubes flooded. Fire tubes one through four. Fish in the water running hot and straight.

There was an excellent combination of ingredients in my voice as I answered. There was Captain Kangaroo for warmth, Andy Griffith for a touch of country boy naitivity, Mister Rogers, explaining something to small children for clarity and humiliation to an adult. To this I threw in a dallop Sergeant Joe Friday for seriousness and sterility. I also threw in just a little taste of John Belushi for transparency.

"Ma'am," I said, facing her and looking straight at her seriously. "I was advising the postmaster here to stay on the straight and narrow and set a good example to the children of this fine community. I slipped about three years ago after I inherited a million dollars from my favorite uncle and foolishly blew half a million dollars on hookers and blow. Then I wasted the other half. These days I go to school classrooms and show our fine children what happens to people that get led astray. If you look carefully at me you will notice the lines, crow's feet and gray hair. I'm going to be twenty-six years old next week and look at what happened to me when I fell off of the straight and narrow!"

The place was a bit crowded and nearly everyone seemed to be highly amused.

I turned to walk out, then spun back quickly and looked at the postmaster, "Kit Kat club tonight?" I asked.

"Not tonight, I have a date," he replied. He was sharp, he squirmed out of that one and saved face at the same time. He's a clever animal.

More laughter.

It was when I got outside I got my real payment.

A couple was following me out the door a couple of steps behind me.

"Hey, sir," said a man's voice. I stopped and turned.

"You handled that neb$hit woman well," he said. "Thank you for making my wife and I laugh."

"We've had a few rough times lately and we needed that," added the woman. "You made our day."

Hearing that made mine.





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