You are in a Denver rail yard stark raving naked and talking to a railroad bull that wants to know how you came to arrive in Denver naked in a boxcar.
Well, let's see. Four years ago you were caught red handed stealing a political sign out of someone's yard on camera. The victim of the crime did two things. He gave the police a copy of the video he took and posted the the whole thing on Facebook. You were livid with him.
Of course when your wife was informed and saw the Facebook video she was humiliated and threatened to divorce you. Especially after you tried to lie your way out of it. You must have thought your wife was stupid enough not to recognize her own car. Even the plates were clearly visible.
You promised to leave other people's things alone and your wife, for the benefit of the kids agreed not to divorce you.
Yet here it is four years later and you had to do it. You just had to do it again. You stole another sign a few days ago.
You thought you had gotten away with it. You had thrown the sign into the back seat and drove away clean. No cameras caught you. You reached into the back seat, grabbed the sign and threw it into a ditch.
Then you saw your hands which had some kind of grey greasy substance on them and you paid it no mind and washed and scrubbed for about an hour until they were clean again.
The next day your wife complained about the greasy stuff on the steering wheel and said it had gotten all over your daughter's new outfit. The same stuff is all over the back seat upholstery. Of course you didn't know until you thought about it. The owner of the sign must have put something on it.
The stuff is called NeverSeez and it's a bear to get rid of. You are probably going to need to have the back seat professionally cleaned and it's going to take some time to clean the steering wheel.
Of course you are livid with the person because he has created chaos in your life but your anger is misdirected. You have done this to yourself.
Now you were out politicking door to door and walked up to a house that had a sign out front that said 'no soliciting...especially politicians'. Halfway up the walk you walked past a sign that said 'This means you!'
Of course you are such a loveable guy so you think you're an exception. The signs couldn't possibly mean you and besides what you have to say is important.
You see a printed letter in the storm door, read it but you just know it doesn't apply to you.
"Anyone that knocks on this door to discuss politics will be chloroformed instantly, hauled inside, and heavily sedated. After dark you will be stuffed into the bed of a pickup, taken to the Sewickley railroad yards be stripped stark naked and be crammed into a westbound empty box car with only a liter of water and a can of sardines. This means YOU!"
But that couldn't have possibly applied to you! After all, what you have to say is important!
And here you are stark naked and talking to a railroad bull in Denver, Colorado that wants to know how you wound up naked in a boxcar in HIS rail yard. You got some 'splainin' to do. You probe your memory and draw blank. You can't remember a damned thing. The only thing you remember is you woke up sick as hell about 12 hours ago shivering in a moving rail car with a liter of water and a can of sardines. Both are gone. You woke up dry and famished.
You have no idea of how you got there. You barely remember your name and address and you had to think to remember that. Elephant tranquilizer does that to people.
How are you going to talk your way out of this one?
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