who is a retired Chief Corpsman and has worked as a counselor for a while.
I've been in a real mean funk for some time now and decided I was not being my usual self and wanted to know why. Over the years I've battled depression and have been angry lately. I wanted to know why.
It looks to me like it's what is sometimes called the retirement blues.
I guess I just miss being one of the boys and truth is, I do. Couple that with not having a serious sense of mission and I'm adrift to a certain point. It kinda sucks.
Still, I pulled the pin. I called ths shot and retired because I realized I was getting too old for the job and didn't want something worse to happen. I didn't want to be a doddering old man getting in the way and just generally being a pain in the a$$. As Robert Ruark wrote once, "Old man and old dogs smell."
I did well in my career and have no attributable spills or contaminations on my record. It is actually a perfect record and I'm proud of it.
Anyway, the Chief gave me some solid advice, first of all throttle back on the booze which I have done and find something to do which I have started to do.
He also said I wasn't going to snap out of it easily and that I should be patient but now that I have the Chief to check in with from time to time I feel a little better.
I remember the first time I dipped into a depression in the Army. My days were being spent hanging out in the section room day in and day out. We should have been out training but our NCOIC was ROAD (Retired on Active Duty). He was worthless. We should have been doing things to improve our skills. I was simply wasting my time and being a deadbeat.
My First Sergeant put the fix on that rather quickly and rather well. He yanked me out of the section and reassigned me to run the arms room which I took to like a fish to water. It was an individual assignment, just me and he told me to get things up to snuff as we had done poorly there in the last IG inspection. (It came with the bonus of making me exempt from guard duty and CQ)
This gave me accountability and a mission and inside of a couple of weeks I was back to being my old self again. I did well there and stunned a lot of people by earning an 'outstanding' in the next IG inspection. It also got me noticed and contributed greatly to making Sp/5 well ahead of time.
It also got me a little bit of range time which was/is always a good thing.
Still, that was decades ago.
When I pulled the pin the plan was I would go full time on rehabbing the house and undoing the fire damage. It's been slow and finding and hiring decent subs has been a miserable slug fest. In the meantime I've got little to do.
Even 10 years ago I would have charged right in and rebuilt myself with my hands but I simply do not have the strength and stanima anymore to hang sheet rock and the wife wants everythiing up to code which really ain't a bad idea as eventually we'll sell the place when I pass or get too crippled up.
Code means licensed plumbers and electricans.
It also for some reason means long wait times as good subs are backed up with work. The cycle is get someone in and he whips through it and gets his job done followed by waiting and waiting and waiting for the next sub to get started. It's a bad time to do anything as business for these people is good. Too good.
Wait times for me are work of the devil. You can only sweep the floor so many times when it doesn't need sweeping. The other thing that sets me off is that whenever I get a room empty for a sub (in this case the sheetrockers someone comes along and puts something in it where it will get in the way.
Depression leads to anger and frustration and that coupled with even a fairly small amount of alcohol and it's a perfect recipe for trouble.
While I am not 100% on the wagon, I have throttled WAY back and two things have happened. I have slightly improved my outlook on life and I think my sleep has improved a little bit. I've also noticed that alcohol hits me harder than it used to so now less is better.
Anyway, I'm damned lucky to have the Chief to check in with.
Best of luck on your journey, Pic. I have 10 years on you, and read you loud and clear. I gave up booze 100% on the advice of my cardiologist. Best thing I ever did. Anyway, what you are going thru, been there, done that. It seems you are doing the right thing, and even though I am three thousand miles away I got your back.
ReplyDeleteTake care.
Thank you.
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