The day I signed an army paycheck with an X.

Back in the day government paychecks came on punch cards.

They had 'Do not fold, spindle or mutilate' printed on them.

There was also an old carryover from the days when the army had people in it that couldn't read or write, which is to say that with the way our present educational system works today they may very well have to go back to this.

Anyway, there was this little blurb on the back of every check that said something like "If this check is endorsed with an X there must be at least two reliable witnesses". (Or words to that effect)

That little blurb stuck in my mind.

Now being in the dark ages back when men lived in caves and watched black and white television by torch light, there was no such thing as direct deposit. One took their check to the bank and either turned it into a primitive medium of exchange called cash or deposited it into either a savings or checking account.

One payday I picked up my paycheck at the battery and as I was looking at it, I looked at one of the guys and said, "I wonder what the bank would do if you tried to cash this with an X as it says here."

A voice answered from behind me. "I've wondered that for years. If you ever decide to do that, let me know what happens. Now remember, I'm not telling you to do that, but if you do, please let me know."

The guy I had muttered my comment to, Sp/4 Denton, turned to one of the medics. "Hey, Rosario! Pic's gonna cash his check at the bank with an X. We need another witness. Want to come along?"

Rosario looked perplexed until Denton held up his check and pointed to the blurb.

"You gotta be kidding me, Pic knows how to read and write." He turned to me, "Don't cha, Pic?"

"Remember? I got hit on the head last night," I said, giving him an evil grin.

Then I noticed the Battery Commander standing off several feet away admiring his handiwork and grinning like an imp.

Off we went, straight to the bank.

When I explained to the teller she looked at me with an incredulous look. It was obvious that they were not ready for that. She said, "You're kidding!"

"No, Ma'am," I said.

Rosario interrupted and introduced him as my unit medic, which he was, and explained that I had been knocked senseless the night before and had forgotten quite a few things and that the people in the hospital were getting ready to start some kind of therapy to get my mind back in shape.

She grew sympathetic and called the head cashier, who in turn called the branch manager who in turn called the home office who prompty put him on hold.

After a while the branch manager came out and decided that the thing to do was to be thoughtfull, daring, innovative and creative by following the directions printed on the back of the paycheck.

I made an X on the back and one of the guys wrote 'his' on the top space of the X and 'mark' on the bottom. On the laft he put my first name and on the right of the X he put my last name.

Then the pair of them signed beneath my mark as witnesses.

We were good to go. I took my cash and off we went.

I took the money straight home and quietly had my wife deposit it after telling her what I had done and like a lot of women she didn't know whether to crucify me or laugh like holy hell. She did both. She laughed like hell as she chewed me out.

The Battery Commander told me to see him after work that day. He handed me a beer and I told him the story.(there were beer machines in the day room back then.) He was greatly amused.

The next month we tried it again and because they had already been through that the check cashing took just a minute or two. It was no longer any fun.

The following month I came in and signed it and deposited it. The teller commented that the therapy must have worked as I seemed to have remembered how to read and write again.

"Therapy?" I asked. "What therapy? Rosario just whacked me on the head with a piece of pipe one night and when I woke up I remembered everything."

The look on her face made me think that she was getting ready to close one eye and fart because I don't think she knew whether to $hit or go blind.




my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/