God, country, apple pie and you don't put brown mustard on a hot dog... Ever.

Today I am going to drape myself in the American flag and rant a bit about brown mustard, which I occasionally use on sandwiches and things of that sort. I even cook with it on odd occasions but it NEVER goes on a hot dog.

Brown mustard is an excellent condiment for sandwiches and I enjoy an occasional ham or corned beef on rye or maybe even a Ruben with brown mustard, but I NEVER put it on a hot dog.

A hot dog is one of those things that is very American and virtually all Americans eat them. They are generally all of the leftovers from the meat plant dumped into a huge hopper and ground up and I have heard stories that sometimes the plant manager dumps his kitty litter box in which I suppose is fine by me as I have never gotten sick from a hot dog.

Now there are a couple of religions in this country that have strict dietary laws that prohibit eating pork and all of the stuff that goes into a good hot dog and that is fine.

Of course, the first people that come to mind are the Jews, but not to worry. They are Americans just like the rest of us. Enter the kosher hot dog which is delicious and in fact is without a doubt one of my favorite hot dogs in the entire world.

Of course, I can't get it out of my head that 'kosher hot dog' seems like an oxymoron, but that's OK. Kosher hot dogs are right up there on my list of fine American cusine. I generally have them on the Fourth of July because the Fourth of July deserves the best we have and Kosher hot dogs ARE the best we have. They are truly the steak of the hot dog world.

But you don't put brown mustard on a kosher hot dog, either.

You can put saeurkraut, chili, cheese, or Tom Koslowski's dirty old socks on a hot dog for all I care but if you opt for mustard then the proper mustard for any hot dog is the yellow kind and that is that. Period. End of statement. World without end, amen.

Yellow mustard is for hot dogs and that is THAT!

Anyone that puts brown mustard on a hot dog of any kind is nothing but a communist off-brand type that ought to go back where they came from unless they were born here in which case they can utilize the mistletoe attached to my shirt tail.

That and ketchup.





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