Wednesday, February 27, 2013

One of my favorite incidents in life

 took place when a police officer got called to in work for something during a shooting match at the local club. He was there with his 11 year old son that was competing.

I wasn't shooting, it was my turn to score and I offered to take over for the cop and pull targets and score from the pits. I also told him to leave the kid with me and I'd run him home afterwards. He and the boy gratefully accepted.

After the match we hopped into my pickup and I started heading off to drop the kid off.

Neighbor Bob's pickup was in the shop and he had asked me to pick up a pack of Marlboro reds for him on my way home so I pulled into the local convenience store and offered the kid a coke.

The store was a little busy and in addition to a handful of customers there were a pair of policemen getting a cup of coffee. They got into line just like everybody else to pay for their purchases.

There was one nosy looking guy between us and the two officers.

Two cokes hit the counter and I asked for the Marlboros which the clerk put on the counter.

That's when Mr. Nosy behind me commented on how cigarettes were bad for one's health and gave me a brief lecture which I cut short.

"I quit fifteen years ago. I'm just picking them up for my kid," I said, stuffing the smokes into the kid's shirt pocket.

He was outraged and went off on me, much to the amusement of the two policemen that knew exactly what I was doing. People that think cops don't have a sense of humor are wrong. One of the two cops almost snarfed on his coffee and the other one had a pretty hard time not laughing outright.

I let the nosy guy run on for a while and when he slowed down a bit, I interrupted.

"He's a good kid," I said, defensively. "He only smokes when he drinks."

Of course that added to the amusement of the two policemen and threw more gasoline on the fire created by the nosy guy.

He went on and on and then realized there were two policemen behind him that had seen everything. He turned to them and indignantly demanded to know why they hadn't stepped in and put an end to this disgraceful outrage.

I suppose he had expected the cops to club me senseless and take the kid to a very nice foster home where he would be raised by a pair of sweatpants-clad alcoholic bull dykes with braided armpits along with 17 smelly cats. The women would then use the money the state gave them to buy beer with.

To Mr. Nosy this sounded like a win/win situation. The boy would be taken from someone that he thought was unsuitable and passed on to someone else that was more unsuitable and with a source of income the two women wouldn't have to whore around anymore to buy their beer. They'd get state foster care money to buy it with,

The hapless officers were in somewhat of a spot because they knew that if they shined the guy on he would likely call the chief of police and raise hell.

I suppose the two of them could have explained what happened to the chief the three of them would have had a pretty good laugh, but nobody likes being called up on the carpet in the first place.

The had their hand forced and had to do something. They looked at each other and one of the officers came up to the boy. In a fatherly way he asked him how old he was.

"Eleven," said the kid.

"Now why would an eleven year old boy be smoking and drinking?" asked the cop.

The clouds parted, allowing the sun to shine through in a beam that shone on the young man's cherubic face. In a most angelic way, his face glistened of sweet childhood innocence as he looked up in a saintly manner at the fine policeman standing there with a warm smile on his face.

"Because my uncle Piccolo says that whisky washes the dope out of my system," he said.

It took quite some time before two cops, two clerks and five other customers stopped laughing as the idiot looked on aghast and humiliated when he figured out he'd been had by an eleven year old kid.

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1 comment:

  1. I've tried this before with my niece and nephew. It didn't work out very well. What I learned: 1) New Jersey police don't have much of a sense of humor. 2) My niece and nephew have no concept of sarcasm.

    Hard to make a joke when you are the only one in on it.