Dateline 4 July

Today is Independence day, often called the Fourth of July.

It may surprise a number of people that they do have a fourth of July in England. I know this to be true because I have asked a number of Brits.

I asked them if they had a fourth of July in England and almost to a man they got a little indignant at the question.

"Of course we do," they replied. "What do you think we do, skip a day?"

I remember that in school as a kid one of the guys asked the teacher if they have a fourth of July in England and the teacher said they didn't.

Maybe the teacher had been misinformed. Perhaps she had never seen a calendar made in England, but that's what she told him. She actually said that they don't have a fourth of July in England.

What was she thinking?

About fifteen years ago one of the local kids was walking past the house and saw me and said hello. I chatted with him and he explained to me that he had just learned the Colonists lost the battle of Lexington but gave the Brits a pretty good drubbing on their way back to Boston.

He looked at me and grinned and told me his teacher said that the Minute Men hid behind billboards and phone poles where they took potshots at the Brits.

"They didn't have billboards and phone poles back then!" said the kid. He was disgusted in the same way I had been when a teacher told the class the Brits didn't have a fourth of July.

I told the kid to tell his teacher that George Washington's white horse was really light grey. The reason people think it was white is because they only had black and white televisions back then and the horse looked white on the evening news.

The following afternoon the kid reported that he did and the teacher got mad at him. He was given an hour's detention, payable the following afternoon right after school.

I told him I'd take care of it and asked him what room he would be in for the detention.

The following afternoon I reported to the classroom and saw the kid reporting and told him to get on the bus and go home. He looked at me apprehensively and I told him, "Don't you be afraid of that little skinny schoolteacher, you be afraid of ME. Now get on the bus and go home!"

With that I entered the classroom, sat down and awaited the teacher to arrive so I could sit there and serve the youngster's detention. I had gotten him into the mess and I was going to get him out of it.

Needless to say, the teacher was aghast to see a guy in his mid to late forties sitting behind a desk in the classroom. She demanded an explaination and I told her I had gotten the kid into the mess and I was paying the tariff.

"If the kid owes you an hour, then I owe him an hour," I said. "I'm paying his bill for him right now." Then I sat down, put my elbow on the desk, balled my fist and rested my head on it and started drumming my fingers.

Although it had been a few decades, I was no stranger to detention. I knew the drill. Besides, I had no homework to do.

Needless to say the principal was called and I told her that I was standing in for the kid as I had been the one that had gotten him into hot water to begin with.

When I explained what was going on the poor principal didn't know whether to shit or go blind and didn't have enough sense to close one eye and fart.

Anyway, it got settled. I got sent home with a promise that the debt had been paid. Actually I got thrown out as I was insistint on sitting there and being a pain in the ass. I was in the company of troublemakers and felt a bond.

Besides, I knew if I gave the teacher a hard time she really couldn't give me another detention. They knew it, too so they sent me home then and there.

I'm pretty sure the history teacher got chewed out over billboards and phone poles. I know the local kids thought I was a hero.

Happy Fourth of July.

Even if you're in England.


To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html