Tuesday, October 7, 2014

A kid asked me what it was like to be old.

and I told him it was pretty good because nobody tells you to eat your vegetables.

He then asked me how old I was and I replied, "I'll give you a hint. My social security number is six."

"Six?" asked the kid.

"Six," I replied.

His mother interrupted. "Is your social security number really six?" she asked.

"Yes, Ma'am. Zero zero zero dash zero zero dash zero zero zero six," I replied with a straight face. "It was personally handed to me by President Roosevelt at the White House and my picture was in all the papers. President Roosevelt handed out the first ten personally."

"Really? she asked.

"Yes, Ma'am." I replied.

The old woman behind me, about 20 years older than me started to snicker.

"Were you in WW2?" she asked.

"I was too old to be in the army so I joined the Merchant Marines," I told her. "I was on the Liberty ship Monica Lewinsky and we were sunk near Okinawa by a Japanese submarine. The Japanese picked me up and I was a prisoner in Osaka, Japan until the French liberated me."

"You have certainly had an exciting life," she said. 

"Yes, Ma'am." I replied.

She paid for her stuff and left.

The old woman behind me looked like the sweet kind that bakes pies for church bazaars looked at me. "You're an asshole," she said, laughing. 

I wasn't surprised at being called an asshole by a sweet little old lady. They're pretty much loose cannons. I wasn't offended, either. She was amused when she said it.

"I can be," I replied.

She laughed. "I can use a guy like you," she said. "My grandson wants to borrow some money for me to buy a car with and I can't really afford it. Can you give me an excuse?"

"Sure," I replied. "Tell him you're pregnant and need the money to raise your kid with. When he looks at you in shock tell him you'll need him to baby sit once in a while so you can go out and have a couple at Clancy's."

"He won't believe that," she said.

"Maybe not but he'll get the message," I replied. "Besides, he'll likely stay away from you to avoid having to baby sit."

She laughed. "I'll try it," she said.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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