Thursday, October 23, 2014

One of the neighborhood kids turned 12

 a few months back and does a few odds and ends for me. I wonder if he's free on Halloween.

It has been a while since I have chased kids around on Halloween wielding the family chain saw and it just might be fun to do it this year. It's always a fun thing to do.

It generally scares the hell out of the parents more than it does the kids, especially if the kid being chased is a good actor.

The past couple of years seem to have made things catch up with me so I suppose he'll have to call me grandpa instead of dad like a kid did a few years back. Also I don't run as fast as I used to.

Actually this may not be a very good idea because when I did it several years ago some dopey mother called the cops on me. The responding cop was pretty good about things when he saw the chain had been pulled off the bar and the saw was nothing more than a scary looking noisemaker.

He explained to the woman that the chain saw was harmless but the woman wasn't buying it until he told me to cut my own leg off with it. Of course, I couldn't cut anything with it but the woman was dubious and still acted all weirded out.

Of course, you can't fix stupid and the woman kept insisting that there had to be something unsafe about it. She kept prattling on and on until I looked at the cop and said, "You got better things to do. How about if I put the damned thing back on the shelf and simply leave it there?"

Then I turned to the woman and said, "Will that shut you up?"

And I went back into the garage and shelved the chain saw.

I'll think this over and figure out what I am going to do this Halloween.

Generally I give out candy to the kids and hot buttered rum to the parents. Most of the parents are grateful.

I say most. There's always one and she showed up a few years back, too. She started giving me hell about dispensing drinks in front of kids. I was just ready to tell her off when another soccer mom, a busty little redheaded little spitfire started in on her telling her to stop ruining things for everyone else.

It caused quite a heated argument for a while and I seriously thought the little redhead was going to start swinging. The last thing I needed was a catfight in my garage.

I stepped out into the driveway, held up a twenty and shouted "Catfight in the garage! I got twenty bucks on the little redhead with the big tits!"

The guy across the street shouted, "I'll take ten of that!" and started across the street, laughing.

Of course, the two of them instantly knocked it off and they both left but the redhead returned a little while later and I gave her another hot buttered rum.

"I hate people that ruin good things," she said. She mused a second. "Twenty bucks on me, huh?"

"Yeah, I figured you could take her," I said. "You're half her size, but it's not the size of the dog in the fight. It's the size of the fight in the dog."

We chatted a while and she left.

Still, as time passes Halloween grows a little dimmer with each passing because there is always some jerk coming along and ruining some part of it.

Still, I'll keep the good fight up for as long as I'm alive and able. Halloween should be fun, and this year it's going to be, dammit!

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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