Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Old ladies are loose cannons

I had a conversation with a woman yesterday that was approaching her 90s but didn't look much over 70. She was a character.

We were talking about medical coverage and the foolishness that sometimes goes with filling out the forms. I told her about listing my mother's cause of death as 'killed in a knife fight after she won a wet T-shirt contest' and she laughed like hell.

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damned cat.

Anyway, she was pretty feisty and commented that back in the day she'd have probably done well in such a contest.

I laughed and told her to stand sideways and stepped back.

"You'd likely do quite well in a wet T-shirt contest  now," I told her. "You're STILL built like a knockout! All natural, too! You're a lot more attractive than most girls in their 20s."

It was a risky thing to say, but my gut said I could get away with it.

Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, she blushed slightly and she proudly told me, "I just turned 88 and that's the nicest thing I have heard anybody say to me in years."

"That's because you take care of yourself," I said. "What you ought to do is light a cigarette off of one of the candles of your 100th birthday cake. You sure look like you're going to make it."

She laughed. "My grandchildren would go crazy if I did that," she said.

"One more reason to," I replied. She laughed.

"I should," she replied, laughing.

Little old ladies are such loose cannons.

You never know what's going to come out of their mouths and quite often it can be pretty outrageous, yet you never know.

You have to be pretty careful around them because you can't tell by looking at them. I have had older women get offended by hearing me say 'darn it' and have heard others use profanity that would make an Old School drill sergeant blush.

You can't tell by looking at them either. Someone that looks like she raised Wally and the Beav may suddenly come out with a string of totally vile profanity while another old lady is apt to be offended by just about anything.

Incidentally the woman I spoke with yesterday was far from trashy. She was actually a fairly classy woman with a somewhat risque and mildly ribald sense of humor. There's one hell of a difference between the two. 

I had business to take care of and I started to leave. "If you ever decide to enter a wet T-shirt contest, let me know. I'll be in the front row whistling and cheering."

"You've got a long wait," she laughed.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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