Friday, October 31, 2014

The retired strippers home

Food shopping and I was going through the checkout and as usual the clerk asked me if I wanted to contribute to the United Way and as I generally do I said that I give to the Retired Strippers Home.

She apparently wasn't too  bright and asked me about the place which, of course, does not exist. I told her it was to provide for strippers when they became too old to shake their goods in front of people. 

:It is a public service and saves the eyes of a lot of men because there comes a time when a stripper stops being eye candy and starts becoming an eyesore," I said. "The home gets her out of the public eye,"

The woman behind me, she looked to be about fifty, was suppressing a smirk. I turned to her and saw she was still fairly attractive.

"If you were a stripper you would be ineligible to go there," I said.

"Oh? Why is that?" she asked, somewhat warily.

"Because you're still really quite a pleasant eyeful," I said. "You have a long way to go before you're eligible."

She blushed a bit and her face lit up. "Why, thank you," she said.

About twenty minutes earlier I had crossed paths with another woman pushing a cart. While there was no near collision or anything, I was polite as I usually am. "Excuse me, young lady," I said as I crossed paths. She smiled when she hear it.

Some dopey looking guy with her spoke up. "That's my wife," he said. "What did you call her?"

"Young lady," I replied. "She's certainly younger than I am and seems to be a lady."

"Yeah," he shot back. "Well, I don't like it."

"That is because you want to sleep on the couch tonight," I replied casually and started off. I wasn't ten feet away when I heard the two of them start bickering. 

"So what am I, an old broad?" I heard the woman ask her husband. She was pretty irate and embarrassed. I figured he was going to wind up on the couch. I had called that one.

A couple years back in Philly I had a similar thing happen with an Islamic woman. (They could have been Christian, Jewish or Hindu for all I cared) All I said to her was 'Excuse me," and left it at that. Her husband demanded to know what I said and I told him and he tried to say something to me about it.

"Sir, I am an American gentleman," I said. "I treat everyone including people's pets with courtesy and respect. That means everyone. Including your wife and children."

"I'm from..." he started.

I cut him off. "You're far away from there," I countered. "You're in the States now. Learn your manners. You left where you came from to come here. Learn our ways. They are the reason you came here. You didn't like the old country. If you don't like the States go back to where you came from or find somewhere else to live."

He didn't know what to say.

"We are a kind and generous people," I said. "We are either your best friend or worst enemy and the choice is generally left entirely up to you. My mother raised me to be kind and generous and the army trained me to fight for those that can't fight for themselves. How I respond to you is your choice." Then I smiled warmly.

"I'd just as soon be kind to you," I finished. "It is a whole lot easier."

I tipped my ball cap to the lady. "Good day, Ma'am," I said and turned to the man and nodded. "Good day, Sir." With that I left to go about my business.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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