Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The adventures of a section 8 landlord

5 January, 2011
I had planned on putting a number of bird houses up to celebrate my 60th year on the planet and dedicate the spring to birds and flowers. The market is pretty flat as far as things go and it looks like there won't be a whole lot of birds that are willing to pay the rent commensurate with the local standard. I can't really afford to put these bird houses up unless I can at least break even on them, so I have decided to go with a government offer and rent them out under section 8 as subsidized housing.

15 March, 2011.

A nice day. I spent the day with the nailers and chop saw and whipped out a 18 birdhouses.

I am looking for a spring of watching birds and growing flowers.

17 March, 2011.

I looked at the bird houses I made and decided to give a few away to the neighbors and now I have a dozen. Someone tols me that affixing them to the trees with bungee cords means no nails in the trees which seems like a good idea. I snagged a bunch of bungee cords and screw in eyes and the next decent day I'll put them into trees.

18 March, 2011

Nice day, bird houses are up.

20 March, 2011

A family of chickadees seems to be moving into unit 3 and they seem to be doing OK. They paid their first month's rent with one of those government credit card things and I had to go and get one so as to be able to accept electronic payment. This is already costing me money as now I have to have a dedicated phone line for this.

22 March, 2011

A sparrow woman came in and griped because the unit occupied by the chickadees is the one they wanted because it is a little closer to the bird feeder. The woman griped a bit and tried to get me to evict the chickadees. When I told her I wouldn't she started to grow a bit abusive so I told her I would not rent to her. She threatened me with a lawsuit. Just to shut her up I told her I'd put a perch on unit 2 for her. It mollified her.

23 March, 2011

Another chickadee showed up looking for a place to raise her springtime brood and gratefully accepted unit 3 with no problems. She said she had gotten out of rehab and was enrolled at a local school. I did a little snooping around and found out she was in school and doing well. I found out I know one of her teachers and I called him and had a quiet word with him and he said she is driven to get off of welfare and make something of herself.

25 March, 2011

A Blue Jay came in and griped that none of the units were suitable as the entry hole was the wrong size. I told him that the birdhouses were constructed using plans supplied by the government and if he didn't like it he could write his congressman. He left in a huff.

Later that night there was a ruckus in unit one with the first chickadee that moved in.

Seems some guy she knew showed up drunk at 2 am looking to fertilize a few eggs. After a pretty loud row, she threw him out and he sat on a branch outside squawking and keeping everyone up. When the police arrived, he tried to fly off. They nabbed him and carted him off and charged him with FUI and my guess is that he'll get his wings clipped for 90 days or so. They also found a couple of warrants on back child support on him and the woman in unit 1 told me he has fathered several broods with several different women and hasn't paid a nickel of child support.

26 March, 2011

All 12 of my units are occupied, which means an income, but it looks like chickenfeed to me. The family in unit 9 had me cleaning up seed hulls, feathers and bird droppings up from below the unit. Damned slobs.

28 March, 2011

The woman in unit 3 dropped by today and briefly complained that the sparrow in unit 2 was being pretty nasty to her and had left a bunch of seed hulls beneath her unit, which she cleaned up. I told her that the next time that happens she should empty her wastebasket under unit 2 and we can see how the sparows like it. She looked dubious when I suggested doing this.

29 March, 2011

A quiet day and it seems that most of the tenants have decided to stay inside. I wondered why until I noticed that there were a couple of stray cats in the area. I put out a little dish of cat food out hoping to get the cats to come by a little more often so I can get some peace and quiet.

30 March, 2011

The damned magpie is screeching at all hours and keeping everyone awake. I didn't want to least unit 7 to her, but federal regulations require that I lease to a bird regardless of species, color, religion or national origin.

31 March, 2011

Ms. Sparrow had an evening visitor last night and I guess that was a good thing in that she stayed in and wasn't running back and forth to the bird feeder all night making a mess of things. I hope she behaves herself.

1 April, 2011

I just found out that the damned blue jay that didn't rent because the entry hole was too small decided to take his case to the NAABB (Nat'l assn for the advancement of Blue Birds) and I got a call from them. They threatened me with a class action suit, but I don't think they will get very far as I told them that if they pressed the matter I would provide housing for owls and hawks along with getting three or four cats. I pointed out that my bird houses met government specs and they ought to take it up with their congressman.

2 April, 2011

The kid down the street just got a Red Ryder BB gun but his yard is a little too small to use it in. I told him to bring it up here and he could practice on all the blue jays he could find, but to leave everyone else alone, especially my tenants. If the NAABB says anything, I'll simply pass the buck and deny everything.

3 April, 2011.

I guess the kid with the Red Ryder did well for himself. I just got a visit from the FBI asking me if I own a Red Ryder BB gun. I said nothing about the kid down the street. Seems like whatever he did is considered a hate crime and the NAABB is pressuring the feds to find out who popped three blue jays yesterday afternoon. I think the kid's gonna get away with this because there is no rifling in a Red Ryder and ballistics will be hard to figure out. Still, I had a word with the kid and told him to lay low.

Later that afternon a whole ringtailed passel of blue jays came by and squawked. I did nothing, but when they saw me putting out cat food they went away.

4 April, 2001

Last night there was excitement. The police raided units 3,8 and 12 and netted a pretty hefty amount of crack cocaine and some pot. I guess the neighbors were right and going section 8 wasn't all that much of a good idea. I guess I'll have to find new tenants for three units.

5 April, 2011.

Word travels fast. Two more chickadees and a sparrow showed us and I had to climb a ladder to empty the unfinished nests out of 3, 8 and 12. The tenants in 8 and 12 were real pigs. Talk about crapping in one's nest!

There is good news, though. The chickadee in unit one that is trying seems to have found a pretty good mate for her upcoming brood. He's a pretty stand up guy and has a pretty good record of pitching in and helping with the chicks and he pays his child support on time. I hope she's smart enough to snap this one up. We'll see.

The sparrow in unit 2 is livid because Ms. Chickadee returned the trash she left on Ms Chickadee's front yard. Birds are like people. They don't like it when they get what is coming to them.

One of the things I think i did that was smart is to go with this section 8 business after all. I get paid something if the unit is occupied or not and that will be nice to have when they all fly south for the winter.

Then again, that may be a misnomer this year. I hear AmTrac is running a pretty good special this coming winter on trips down south. They may not fly south, they may take the train this year.

15 April, 2011

Things seemed to have settled down. Everyone of my tenants has been busy getting ready for their upcoming brood. Nests are being feathered and I guess that the activity around this leaves little time for bickering, and that is a good thing.

I'll keep you posted.

my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/


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