Thursday, April 7, 2011

I was rude the other day, or so someone told me.

I had two items and went to the 6 items or less line and when I arrived there, a person with three or four items was just paying for his purchase. The next guy in line was in the process of unloading an entire shopping cart so I took my two items and put them in front of his and nodded to the clerk to ring me up next.

When the man asked me who I was, I told him that I was someone who wasn't going to wait for his cartful of crap to be rung up as I had better things to do than wait for him. Of course he got upset, and even more so whan the woman that was behind me followed right behind me and cut in front of him also.

He howled at the injustice and demanded to know what right we had to get in front of him.

"We know how to count," I said to him.

"Whaddya mean by that?" he asked.

"If you knew how to count, you would know that the little thing on the sign there with the circle and the tail sticking up is a thing called a 'six'. A six means this many," I replied holding up my right hand spread out and my left hand with my index finger held up. "If you had gone to school instead of spending your lunch money on dope, you would know this."

"I know what a six is," he shot back.

I paid for my two items and left.

As I was leaving I heard the woman had followed suggesting to the hapless idiot that he get 'Hooked on Phonics' so that he could learn to read signs.

I'm glad I did that because over the years I have had to wait behind countless inconsiderate people that have ignored the 6 items or less sign.I should have done this more often. If more people did things like this than maybe it would stop,


I just met a kindred soul.

I was in Lowes and was looking for a thermometer when one of the people there asked me if they could help me. I told him what I was looking for and he started taking me there. As we passed the rope section I asked him if he had any recommendations for a specific size to use for strangling recaltricent children in restaurants.

His face lit up and he stopped cold in his tracks.

"Rope?" he said. "You're doing it all wrong."

He then showed me a thin piece of cable and pulled it off the shelf and went over to where the cable clamps were and showed me how to make a noose out of the thin cable and pointed out the proper way to use it in a crowded restaurant in such a skillful manner that even the shrillist screaming little yard ape would be silent in half an instant.

He also pointed out that it was easier to use than the traditional piano wire garrote because the noose he showed me only needed one toggle and hence one hand.

You could silence the little whelp without even having to have someone hold your beer!

It was obvious that I was in the presence of a true master. I felt honored. He was also one hell of a salesman because I bought one. It ought to go with me the next time I go out to dinnner in a nice place, but it won't because I might find myself tempted to use it. I'll just bring a taser instead.

You have to like people that work with the public that have a good sense of humor.

Twisted people that work for the public are priceless. They make shopping fun.

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