Monday, April 18, 2011

Tonight's post is a dedication

The post is dedicated to a certain woman I know that persevered 12 years of Catholic education. She knows who she is.

Kiddo, this one's for you.

Our new shipboard series, 'Cathoic High School girls in trouble' is coming along nicely.

There are several parts, of course.It is an eight part series.

Part one: The shameful beginnings

Part 2: The formative years

Part 3: Uniform day

Part 4: Sister Mary Aloyosious.

Part 5: The insult

Part 6: Punishment day

Part 7: Revenge

Part 8: The final humiliation.

No, we are not writing kiddie porn. There is nothing more to this than what you have already read, just a series of amusing titles.

It started when I had to get an email through to someone that told me to make sure the subject box contained something that would catch his eye as he gets over 100 emails a day. He explained he didn't want what I sent him to get buried in the other things he had going.

I grinned at the nearest crewman, a guy with such deep rooted dark psychological problems that he is a rare and precious jewel to sail with. He's my go-to guy for anything sick, twisted or depraved. This man is a very valuable asset to the sanity of the vessel.

He's also my stay away from guy when I am drinking any beverage. He has caused me to ruin a number of keyboards which is yet another reason I use a milspec laptop. When coffee comes out of your nose and onto the keyboard it doesn't hurt the laptop.

I looked up and said to him, "Give me a subject for this email I need to send."

"Gay bikers on acid?" he suggested.

"You can do better than that," I said.

"Catholic high school girls in trouble?" he tried.

"Has potential," I said.

"Part 2: The formative years," he added.

"Excellent!" I said.

So I sent an email off to a business cohort with 'Catholic high school girls in trouble. Part 2: The formative years' in the subject box.

Of course I got a call back inside of an hour. He was amused. Apparently his wife, who was looking over his shoulder was not.

My shipmate overheard the phone call and smiled proudly.

"What are you going to do for an encore?" my shipmate asked me.

"Part 8," I replied. "The final humiliation." and we laughed.

Then I got to thinking. We needed a laugh. I opened word pad on the old combat laptop and titled a page "Catholic high school girls in trouble" and listed parts 1 through 8.

Part 2, of course, was tagged 'The formative years' and part 8 was tagged 'The final humiliation'.

"OK, guys. Fill in the blanks," I said, spinning the laptop. I got up to go out on deck.

When I got back about ten minutes later the blanks were filled in. It's what you see above.

Life out here is often difficult at best and it has been a hard trip. We've been run hard and everyone is getting pretty close to getting a little punchy. Sometimes the job needs a little help. We needed a good, sick, depraved yuk. We needed something, really.

The best part of the whole deal was watching a trainee blush. He's young enough so that it wasn't more than a year or two that he was chasing high school girls and it was funny watching him turn beet red.

Still, it was the kid that pointed something out.

"Betcha if you need the office quickly and the phones are jammed all you have to do is send them an email with one of those chapters in the subject box," he said.

It's because of this that we keep the trainee around. The man keeps shining through at odd times. He clearly has potential.

"Yeah", said my second. "They'll call"

It reminds me of the story of the guy at the chocolate factory that fell into a vat of chocolate and shouted, "Fire! Fire!"

People came running and quickly fished him out ot the gooey mess.

The foreman wanted to know why he had shouted 'fire!'

He looked at the foreman all covered in gooey chocolate sauce and stammered out an explaination. "Nobody would have come running if I had shouted chocolate sauce," he said.

I guess that if I ever run into an emergency, need the office fast and the phone system is busy I'll just send them an email with one of the aforementioned titles in the subject block. They'll be calling us in in a matter of minutes.

Remember, Lumins have hopes and dreams just like you.

Save the Lumins!


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