Thursday, June 14, 2012
Of Nazis, nuns and German Shepherds.
A tug pulled alongside.
"Hey, Pic! Got any good porn I ain't read yet?" asked a skipper I have known for years.
The question startled the hell out of me because he's a pretty straight arrow and actually a pretty religious guy. I looked up sharply at him and he nodded toward his green deckhand. I knew what was up in a heartbeat. The skipper didn't want any porn, he wanted me to get the newbies eyes to pop out of his head.
"Got a new video," I said. "It's pretty good. These Nazi SS officers take over this French cloister and make the nuns do all sorts of stuff with their shepherds. You'd like it, Tommy. Lotta riding crop action. A couple of scenes a couple the nuns get torn up pretty good. I'll send it over."
Of course the kid turned beet red and I casually ignored him.
The tug came alongside and we made lines fast to her and she went about the business of docking us. The deckhand came aboard and got ready to dock us alongside the quay. While we waited to approach I bent his ear with the imaginary contents of the nonexistent porn video I was not going to send over to the tugboat like I was describing the most wonderful thing in the world. All the time while watching the kid turn beet red. I described some pretty sick stuff and I won't get into it here.
When he was done docking us and we were tied up I sent him on his way with his brains dribbling out his ears. He took off for the tug like a shot and before I went to throw their lines off I grabbed a tired, well watched DVD from our galley and shouted to the captain and when he popped out of the wheelhouse I tossed it to him.
"Thanks, Pic. I'll check it out!" he shouted up to me with a knowing grin on his face. Here's a pretty good one for you. Wait one!"
He clambered below and grabbed me one of his old DVDs and threw it up to me. "Have some Bettie Page bondage!" he shouted.
"Cool!" I said.
Of course when I looked at it it was nothing smutty at all. It was an old Henry Fonda movie that I have not seen in years and I knew I would enjoy. It was "The Grapes of Wrath".
I wonder why the skipper had me bust the kid's chops. I'll have to ask him the next time I see him.
What is odd about it is that while I am sure there is a certain amount of porn out here, I don't see the amount of it that I did years ago when I first got into this business. I still see an occasional Playboy but generally the raciest stuff I see out here is a copy of something like GQ or Maxim, both of which are somewhere between PG or low level R rated stuff.
My guess is that the skipper found the kid had a little smut with him and wanted to really bust his chops a bit, but I don't know for sure.
my other blog is: http://officerpiccolo.blogspot.com/ http://piccolosbutler.blogspot.com/