Thursday, December 18, 2014

Something else I probably should have been shot for

One of the things I recall doing during my travels was helping a kid get a prom date. I suppose I should be shot for it, too.

A friend of mine and I were traveling for a while in Washington state and needed money. Who'd have thought such a thing.

So we saw a construction job and asked around and they needed siders. Simple solution here. We became siders. We broke out the tools and went to work siding condos for so much a square foot. 

It was spring and on weekends or odd times the developer's son worked on the project and it was inevitible he started hanging around with us to some degree. We were considered the job's whack jobs because we were always drinking beer after work and chasing women.

He had the usual American high school kid problems which is to say he had none other than the usual peer pressure kind of stupid stuff kids have when they have a good life in this country.

His problem is he didn't know who to take to the prom. He said there were three girls pressuring him. "Then take someone else," I said.

"Who?" he asked. He was actually kind of a shy kid.

"I dunno. Just somebody else," I replied. "We'll keep our eyes open to see if we can fix you up or something."

We rolled up our tools a little late that day and while we were, the utility guy, know to us as Filthy Herman, came by. we told him we were looking for a date for the kid and he laughed. "I'll join you in your quest."

After a bath in a nearby creek we headed off into the bowels of the lower Seattle suburban area dive strip clubs. Filthy Herman knew them all which made things easy. We were in and out of them with a quick glance. Nobody looked right.

Herman then directed us to one more upscale and we entered. There was actually a cover but when we told the bouncer what we were up to he laughed, wished us luck and let us in for free... after we promised to behave ourselves.

Herman spotted her first and when he pointed her out I knew she was a definite candidate. She was stripper hot and just what the doctor ordered. 

When we told her we were looking for a prom date for a shy high schooler she looked at us like we had two heads and then after a minute softened. She said she wasn't interested but laughed and said knew someone that might be. We were to hang around for a while.

We did and a babe sat down and asked us what the deal was. We told her and she blushed slightly and laughed. She said she wanted to meet the kid. Actually she was a bit older than most of the strippers, she was probably thirty and had a pretty easygoing way about her. She was educated and knew the ins and outs of her business and was supposedly working for her master's in something or another.

After I looked her over I decided she was most liely a true professional. She looked healthy, had no signs of drug use and was willing to put money and effort into her profession. She obviously knew the inside of a gym and likely had spent some cash on body enhancement. She actually looked like the stripper types you see on TV which is very rare.

We promised her no money except for something to compensate her for expenses. What was interesting is she said she had a closetful of clothes and just about everything needed. I knew that if she decided to go to the prom she'd show up looking hot. We got her phone number and said we'd call.

The next day we talked to the kid and told him that we had someone  to meet and made arrangements for the two of them to meet at a local coffee shop after work.

Of course, she showed up in her 'I'm an off duty stripper uniform', meaning she looked like a real honey hormone squash. A total sexpot with her makeup, big hair and an enormous pneumatic pair of boobs trying desperately to ooze out of a low-cut top.  It was funny seeing the kid go agape when she walked in. Doc, Filthy Herman and I bailed out and left the two of them alone.

Later that night we went back to the club to see what happened and she reported she was going to go to the prom with him! 

We were busy for the next couple of weeks and chuckled about it a bit but worked our asses off as we were getting ready to return to Alaska and needed the money. After a couple of days we forgot about it.

A couple of Fridays later Filthy Herman came by after we got paid and suggested we take Monday off. He said it was prom weekend and the developer was likely to be in Monday morning going ape $hit if he even thought any of us had anything to do with his prom date. It proved to be pretty good advice.

Filthy Herman came to where we were holed up that Monday during his lunch break with the word. We were likely in trouble. We hadn't taken into consideration the kid was a few weeks shy of his 18th birthday and if he ratted us out we could likely be nailed for corruption of a minor or something along those lines. 

Sure enough the boss was looking at the guys on the job as being the culprits of setting his kid up with the stripper and was out for blood. Herman said he'd check in with us after work.

Sure enough the boss man was madder than a wet hornet. Apparently the kid had a hard time getting his new thirty year old prom date into the prom in the first place. Likely this was because whe was probably just pouring out of some stripper-type dress she showed up in. It doesn't take a whole lot of imagination to picture the scene.

After about an hour the two of them got kicked out because of the way they were dancing. This makes sense because if there is anything a good stripper can do, it's dance like a stripper. I can picture easily how the private school staff wouldn't like that at all.

Some stuffy old prude likely came charging in blowing her whistle and throwing penalty markers and gave them the full twenty-five yards. "Out! Now!" Then they likely called the kid's parents probably went frantic. 

When the two of them left, they disappeared and were not seen until the kid wandered home on Sunday night looking like he'd had way too much fun. Apparently his little private high school world had truly been rocked by the older woman.

The truth of the matter is that none of us really know for sure what happened between the two but it isn't too hard to imagine. Then again they could have just hung out on the beach together but that's really not too likely. Besides, it makes for a juicier story the first way so we'll run with that.

Filthy Herman showed up after work and filled us in as best we could. He also said he had almost gotten fired when he told the developer that he was just being jealous because he didn't get to dally around with Hotsie Totsie all weekend. The whole crew howled when they heard that, I'm sure.

He also had a pile of lumber, siding and nails for us to build a cover of sorts for my pickup as he figured I wasn't about to drive to Alaska with the oversized camper I had on the back. Actually he was wrong. I wasn't headed back to Alaska right yet.

Filthy Herman also told us where we could find another siding gig about 40 miles north. A quick cash count said we had what we needed if we had to bolt but having a little extra couldn't hurt. We kept the camper and headed north. The gig turned out better than the one we had just bolted from.

By my reckoning the kid is about 52ish now and likely has a comfortable job somewhere and is probably looking at becoming a grandfather if he isn't already. I bet he thinks of the prom from time to time but never told his kids. Still, it's a pretty neat story to tell his grandchildren when they get a bit older, although it's a lead pipe cinch he never told his kids about it.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

1 comment:

  1. This is an absolute scream