Wednesday, June 17, 2015

It's been about 30 years time since I've been put up in drag.

I think somewhere I posted about the time I went out on Halloween in drag. What was so funny about it is the girls that made me up did such a good job that someone that I had known for years didn't recognize me and tried to pick me up.

Hilarity ensued.

You should have seen the look on his face when I told him to get his hands out of my skirt and he recognized my voice.

I feel the need to do it again and this time I'm going to do it right. However, for a different reason.

I saw part of a movie once where some kid got stopped. I believe the police officer was played by Donald Sutherland but could be wrong. The kid was asked by the officer "Is this really you?"

The picture on his driver's license was one of none other than Indiana Jones. I cracked up.

The last time I went in for my driver's license I did the usual Charles Manson look-alike thing. The guy taking my picture knew what I was doing and offered me the services of his kid sister to add some makeup. I was in a hurry and declined.

As an afterthought I asked him if his sister could do me up in drag. He said she could.

We have all seen what the makeup people in Hollyweird can do. They can make a teenager look 95 years old and an old duffer like myself look like a spring chicken.

Why not?

Get all dolled up in a Dolly Parton wig, close shave and a Hollywood quality makeup job for the driver's license picture. There it is.

In this day and age there's always an excuse for everything. Likely there's not a whole lot the state can do about it if I do get my license picture taken in drag.

I can picture getting stopped by a police officer. One look at the license and there comes the question.

"Is that really you?"

"Yes, Officer it is. At the time it was taken I was considering having a sex change operation. Then I decided that I'd be just as happy as a guy because if I became a woman I'd just be a lesbian because my sexual preference is women. So I cancelled the operation."


"Yes, Sir."

So you get off with maybe a warning and as the officer hands you back his license you notice he takes another good look at it. He shudders as he thinks that a 65 year old man is a lot hotter looking woman than the real one he just married last spring.

Try cashing a check with it.

"Is that you?" asks the teller.

Yes it is," you reply. "I'm in a theatre group and we did a production of 'Tootsie' and I played Doherthy. The picture was taken on the way to a dress rehearsal."

"Really? Do you have another picture ID?"

Out comes the Merchant Marine Document with the picture you took looking like a real roughneck. I look like a real thug in mine. My hair was pretty long before I had it clipped off and for the picture I combed it back ala 50s greaser. After the picture I had to use gasoline to get the waxy pomade out of my hair.

I suppose I should have kept the style for a few more days. Nothing beats that old Sha Na Na Wolfman Jack era pomade. A duck's ass with a jellyroll doin' 120 in a '57 Chevy with the top down and not a single hair out of place.

"I think I'll use this," says the teller, holding up the Mariner's Document.

I hope the guy that took my picture at the driver's license place is still working and he sets me up with his makeup artist kid sister. I think I'll get my head and face made up but have my picture taken with an open necked shirt exposing a hairy chest.

Years ago there would be no way in hell I could get away with something like that but I bet I can next renewal.  In this day and age everyone is afraid of being sued. I would imagine the state has already been threatened with a lawsuit by the Amalgamated Cross-Dressers or someone.

The truth is I have no urge to wear the clothing of the opposite sex, but for a professional mischief maker doing a driver's license drag queen thing is a hard one to resist.

Three bucks to a stale Krispy Kreme I get away with it if I decided to. It's a sign of the times.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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