Saturday, April 30, 2016

Sometimes you just have to get someone's attention.

Many moons ago when I lived in Kodiak a certain woman saw me on the street and said, "Hey, Pic! I want to eat lunch at the place at the end of the road. I'll buy if you drive."

I took her up on her offer. She was one of the people I liked. She had a really dry sense of humor. Truth is she was a grownup.

I enjoyed her because she was refreshing and didn't have a whole lot of time for stupid stuff. A few months earlier she had passed some bad news onto me under strange circumstances. 

I was sitting in a hot tub soaking and the door opened a crack. "Pic, are you shy? I've got some news to pass on."

"I just don't want you to see how small my package is so don't look." I was being a smart ass as usual. We went back a ways as friends. 

"Small, huh? Good deal they don't hurt as much so I save them for a ********." she replied. She was often good for an outrageous answer.

Very soon after I met her I decided that she was a grownup and would be a good friend. I friend zoned her at once and years later now I was glad I did.

"Yeah, really," I replied. "come on in."

She came in and sat down and told me that I had just lost five friends. Another fish boat had gone down with all hands. 

She knew I was friends with all five of them and felt I should hear about it from her instead of at the bar. She offered me a drink and I refused and sat there for a few minutes.

What's sad about it is that I wasn't stunned. The reason is even sadder. I was used to it by now.

By the time I reached my 35th birthday I had been to over 50 funerals and memorial services and only a couple of weddings. No wonder I was so crass about life. At 64 I have not fully recovered from this.

Anyway, she left and a few weeks later she saw me on the streets and said that if I'd drive, she'd buy me lunch. I agreed and off we went. We arrived at the place at the end of the road and sat down. The fleet was in and there were a bunch of fishermen there raising a little hell.

The boys were poundin' them down and then kept getting louder and louder and cruder. After a while it got pretty raw. I saw her face look a bit annoyed.

She wasn't some prissy little thing but she was a woman and deserved a little respect. "Want me to quiet them down?" I asked.

"Yeah, Please. I can generally take it but I'm not in the mood right now," she answered.

I turned and shouted at the top of my lungs, "Hey! Watch your f***ing language, a$$holes! I'm trying to eat lunch over here with this f***ing c**t!"

Every head turned and you could heve heard a pin drop. They saw her and were agape. I suppose they were expecting her to slap me silly. Most women would have. She turned to the boys at the bar.

"Please, guys. I'd appreciate it," she said.

The guys shook their heads up and down and there was peace in the valley.

She turned to me and said, "I figured you'd do something gentlemanly like that."

"Anything for a lady," I replied. "I just had to get their attention."

We continued with lunch and discussed a number of things and then hung out a while simply enjoying each other's company. What made it even the more comfortable is that we both knew we were not made for each other. The unspoken male/female questions didn't have to be asked. The sexual chemisrty was not an issue.  We were friends and that was as far as it was going. We both knew it. We were both glad to share the friendship.

For one thing both of our lives were far too tumultous at the time.

Several months later she was talking to another woman about going out for a few drinks 'with the girls'. I looked at her and said, "I want to go drinking with the girls. I'll be ladylike, I promise." I don't know why I said it, I was just being a clown but they agreed that I could be one of the girls with them for the evening. 

It proved to be an interesting evening. While I was sitting there some guy tried to drop anchor and was told that it was girls night out. He pointed at me and asked what I was doing there.

"Pic is one of the girls tonight," she said.

"Hey, guys! Pic's one of the girls tonight," he announced to the guys sitting at the bar.

"That's right and don't one of you pigs come on to me tonight, either because I am a lesbian," I said.

"You're a lesbian? How's that?" said a voice.

"I was born in the eastern part of Lesbia. That makes me a Lesbian by birth." I replied. Most of the guys chuckled, a couple looked confused. 

One guy confused in the depths of an alcoholic fog asked, "Why not just chase women as a straight man and save yourself the trouble of having to be a lesbian? The end result is the same."

 "Because then I would not be one of the girls and I couldn't go drinking with them," I replied.

"What a sneaky way to chase women," said a fisherman.

Everybody had a good laugh over that one.

I had a pretty good time that night and learned  lot after the rest of the girls had a few drinks. I was smart enough to put the fix in with the bartender.  My scotch was really iced tea. 

I have to admit there were several times I laughed myself silly.

Later on she started dating a guy and he knew all about the relationship we shared and it didn't bother him. He knew that we had a basic simple friendship and had nothing to worry about. 

I was living on a sailboat at about this time and a couple of times she crewed for me. I could tell by the look on her face she loved being on the water. Actually her boyfriend had suggested I take her sailing.

Shortly after the two of them broke up she had a brief problem with alcohol but was smart enough to get some help and got her life together. However by this time I had left the island on my sailboat.

A couple of years ago someone sent me her email address and we swapped a couple emails. But the truth is after a couple of exchanges we both realized that both of our lives had changed and we were both settled. We have little in common anymore.

She lives quietly outside of Alaska somewhere with her long term significant other and has a rather quiet job and I suppose she's doing well. I do wish her well and from time to time think fondly of her.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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