Thursday, April 28, 2016

I spent a lot of time being a male in a woman's body.

Then I was born.

I am watching the which bathroom to use issue get ridiculously out of hand.

I saw where some tough guy wanna be sheriff said if any transgender walks into the bathroom his wife is using there will be a John Doe in the morgue.

What's he gonna do? Is he going to grope everyone?

Vote that clown out because he is going to cost his people a fortune in lawsuits. If he gropes my wife I'm not going to be offended at all.

I'm simply going to get rich.

This whole thing is like a group of people demanding the right to buy milk in one gallon bottles. When I said that to someone they looked at me confused and said we have been able to buy milk that way for decades.

"You don't say!" I replied. "Transgenders have used the woman's room for decades."

"But what about the perverts?!"

"What about them? I asked. "Remember how a lot of dipshit do-gooders said that legalizing concealed carry was going to turn the streets into Dodge City? It never happened, did it?"

"I guess not," he replied.

"And nothing is going to happen over this," I replied. "All we're doing is legalizing what has quietly gone on for decades." 

He asked me how I seemed to know so much about transgenders. That's a fair question and the reason is that I lived in Kodiak, Alaska for a decade.

Alaska at the time (and maybe still does) appealed to the four Ms. Mercenaries, Missionaries, Malcontents and Misfits were attracted there by the droves.

Kodiak was a pretty forgiving place full of people that generally had better things to do than worry about stupid stuff. They took people as they saw them and if they were doing no harm they left them alone.

There was (and probably still is) a pretty good sized LGBT community there and it was pretty much out in the open. Nobody cared. It was an odd place where you could find yourself sitting next to a hooker and the mayor. 

I was generally kind to everyone unless their behavior dictated otherwise. I really didn't give a damn about anyone's sexual orientation just so long as they didn't push it on anyone. In the decade I lived there I only recall getting angry at one gay guy that annoyed me by not immediately taking no for an answer. I raised my voice and offered him the hospitality of the emergency room and he left me alone.

Later on someone else smacked him good a couple times and he learned his manners.

I got to know a couple of these people and I basically treated them like woman. That seemed to be what they wanted. They used the woman's room and the woman of the town voiced no complaints.

On the other hand I do have to admit that things were a lot looser there than elsewhere. Once or twice when I was at the urinal a woman would walk in and simply say, "Hi, Pic. The woman's room is a pig sty" and walk into the stall. It didn't even cause a raised
eyebrow. I took no offense. I probably would have done the same thing.

Having fixed the plumbing in both the men's and lady's rooms I knew exactly what she meant. Lady's rooms are generally worse than man's rooms. Some woman are real pigs.

I learned there to be pretty accepting of things and learned that there really isn't a whole lot of stuff to get worked up about. 

Right now as I write I recall two or three of these 'women stuck in a man's body' types that the medicos did a great job on. I pretty much got to see the whole transformation and one of them changed from being kind of an effeminate guy to a really attractive woman. If I recall it took a couple or three years for the entire process.

I suppose it was kind of interesting to watch. Then again Kodiak was the kind of place that a cockroach race would be a boredom reliever. Whatever.

Still, stateside transgenders have used the lady's room for decades with nothing being said. I suppose that before the Big Ballyhoo most women never bothered to even think about it when another woman wandered in and entered a stall. Most transgenders simply sat down to urinate so their feet would not give them away.

(Think. When men urinate their feet point toward the toilet. Women's feet face away from the toilet)

As I write I can think of only one complaint I heard and that was from a snippy bitch that was always looking for something to be cruel about. She griped about Debbie using the lady's room. I didn't look up from the paper I was reading. I simply said, "Leave her alone. She's one hell of a lot more ladylike than you are." 

When she opened her mouth to protest another fisherman said, "He's right. Leave her alone. Besides she probably give a better BJ than you do," That brought the house down.

The bartender replied, "She probably does." and that ended it.

The last I heard of 'Debbie' is that she was supposed to be getting married to some guy and she left Alaska.

The other one, Susan, actually caused me the most embarrassing time of my life. 

I was with a couple of the guys shopping for the boat. We had to pick up enough chow for 5 guys to last about 45 days. That's a lot of chow.

Anyway, we were all standing together when Debbie saw me and approached me. 

"I'm leaving for California tomorrow to get my vagina put in," she said, almost breathlessly. "When I get back I want you to be the first one to try it out with me!"

"That's the most flattering thing any woman has ever said to me," I replied. She wandered off, smiling.

Of course I got teased about that for months but all three of the guys admitted to me that they had never seen such grace under fire. Later when the inevitable word went out across the town of no secrets a number of people both laughed and a couple of them commented on how I handed the situation.

I suppose I learned a lot in Kodiak that has allowed me to see through a lot of life's bullshit. One thing's for sure, though. I really see no need of making a ballyhoo out of a room used to eliminate human waste.

I suppose they ought to keep things the way they are for another reason. Lady's rooms are generally a lot nastier than men's rooms and I don't want them to bring their nastiness into the men's room.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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