But so what?
Anyway, there are people that understand bull$hit and those that don't. The people that don't get fed more bullshit when I run into them.
This kid in front of me looked like a handful. I looked down at the little boy and asked him how old he was. "I'm SIX!" he said with a big smile.
"Really? When I was your age I was nine," I replied. I was treated to a smile, a quick confused look and another big smile. It was obvious that the kid knew he was having his leg pulled by an old guy.
The mother couldn't figure it out. "How could that possibly be?" she asked me.
So I asked myself, Self? How can you pull this one out of your ass?
I explained that I was born shortly after WW2 on board a Liberty ship that my family bought for next to nothing after the war and it was the family business. There was no provision for carrying passengers so as soon as I was born my name was put on the crew manifest as an ordinary seaman.
My mother, interestingly enough had grown up on a river tug and during the was served as a Wave. The Navy put her to work as a river pilot moving LSTs from Neville Island (a nearby WW2 shipyard) down the Mississippi to New Orleans where the regular Navy took over. My mother was the mate on the ship.
Because we were working a coastal route and no leg of the voyage was over 600 miles we were permitted to run a smaller crew that worked a 6 hours on, six off watch system. Longer voyages would have required a 4 on 8 off watch system.
Because of the 12 hour days the crewmen, myself included, were given a day and a half credit of sea time for every day worked. I grew up on board and was 'ship schooled'. The Chief Engineer taught me math. Dad and Mom taught me to read.
Anyway, by law the Coast Guard was giving me a day and a half's credit for every day I was on board. When I was his age I was legally nine and when I turned fourteen I applied for my Able Seaman card which you were supposed to be 21 to get. The Coast Guard issued it to me on my fourteenth birthday. I also registered to vote and could legally purchase handguns.
In fact, by law had I chosen to I could have started to collect full Social Security when I turned 44 but opted not to do so. I just let the amount I can collect keep going up for when I finally do retire. If I wait I'll probably see ten grand a month which is a lot more than I make working.
"Really?" she asked, wide eyed.
"Anyway, you can see why I was nine when I was his age," I said, smiling at the little boy.
Hook, line and sinker.
How I can pull stuff out of my ass I can't figure out. It's probably a gift from God...or maybe a curse. Who knows?
Haha good one !
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