Thursday, May 13, 2010

"Another dead stripper goes into the trash,",

said Neighbor Bob yesterday afternoon.

It was in reference to the pile of stuff I put on the curb. I had once commented that if I stuffed a dead hooker into the trash, they would cart her off without even raising an eyebrow.

I remember the day I said that to Bob. I really wasn't thinking because within earshot there was a pretty gullible, nosy neighbor listening in. He's one of those idiots that God put on earth for my personal entertainment. When I was a little younger, these idiots used to annoy me like all hell. Now they amuse the hell out of me.

Anyway, this idiot overheard my wry comment and went home and shined up his Junior G-Man badge and, although I never let him know I was watching him, he would nose through mmy trash every week, probably looking for a corpse or two.

It was pretty funny, really. I wonder if he called the trash company and asked what their policy was regarding disposal of the dead. I wouldn't be surprised.

Having an idiot go through my trash is one thing, but now I have to be a little careful about what I stuff in the trash. I reload ammunition from time to time and I just finished up with an 8 pound keg of powder.

I am mildly afraid to toss the empty keg out, as I'm sure if the imbicile spots it, he will have a panic attack and the EOD team will arrive at my trash can, cordon the area off and a three ring circus will ensue like it did several years ago when we pulled a prank on yet another neighbor.

Several years ago, we got a mannequin and a body bag, put the mannequin into the bag and put it out with anothe neighbors trash. The guys thought it WAS a body, called 911 and halarity ensued. Bob and I watched it from his porch and laughed ourselves silly.

I haven't seen the idiot going through my trash recently, but there is no sense taking chances because maybe he still does. I think I saw the reflection off of his Junior G-Man badge the other day. It looked pretty shiny to me.

I guess what I will do with the empty powder keg is just throw it in the dumpster behind the 7-Eleven.

Edited to add: About 40 minutes after I posted this, the trash guys showed up and didn't look twice at the pile of stuff on the curb. Most of it is stuff that wasn't supposed to be there. They simply stuffed it into the truck. I stuck my head out and pointed to a certain spot, they nodded. A minute later I put a pair of quarter pints of Jim Beam there which they will snag this evening on the way home. Total cost: Three bucks.

It doesn't take much.

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