Tuesday, January 6, 2015

So it goes.

Another day, another dime.

Someone asked me yesterday if I really was the designated driver on New Year's eve for my mother.

Idiot. He was listening to a gossip and heard a rumor I started about myself when some fool couldn't grasp the concept of staying home on New Year's eve which is what I did. I NEVER go out on New Year's. It's amateur night.

When he insisted I had to do something on New Year's, I told him I was the designated driver for my 90 year old mother. I also added that she had won $500 in a wet T-shirt contest.

The neighbors that matter know that from time to time I whip up a wild-assed tale on some fool rather than try explain reality to him because it's generally a lot easier. A lot of people can't believe the truth but will believe something akin to space aliens in a heartbeat.

Of course, he asked how that was possible.

I told him that the boob job held out because back in the day they didn't have the silicone and saline implants they have today. They used surgical concrete and stainless rebar.

I also told him one of Ma's friends had a set of 1952 Caddy front bumper bullets surgically installed and she's 93 and they haven't rusted out and caved in yet. In 1993 they pulled them out, sandblasted, re chromed them and re installed them. Good as new.

Some people will believe anything. 

I'm not sure if he believed the whole tale I spun for him but he believed enough so that he told one of the neighbors I had taken my mother out partying and that she had won $500 in a wet T-shirt contest.

Years ago the neighbors were agog when someone would pass on a story like that but when they got the truth from me they stopped wondering and began to be entertained. I think the turning point was when I told someone I had hacked up the paper boy with a chain saw and ground him up with the chipper-shredder and used him to fertilize my garden.

When they heard that one they outright laughed. There is no paper boy in the neighborhood. The  papers are delivered by an older woman.

The Piccolo rule of thumb is tell the truth first. If they don't want to believe that come up with the most whacked-out tale you can. They'll generally believe that.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: http://piccoloshash.blogspot.com/2009/12/my-feminine-side-blog-stays-pink.html NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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