Wednesday, April 29, 2015

One of the things I like about my neighbors

 is that I have most of them trained. 

They answer the phone for me and screen calls. They are pretty skilled at letting me know who is calling me. For example they will ask who is calling and then repeat it.

Here's a sample call.

"Hello, Piccolo's place. Who's calling?... What? You say you're Bob Jenkins?"

At this point I either hold my hand out for the phone or shake my head to signal I want him gotten rid of. If I shake it the call will likely go something like this.

"Bob, he just left. A couple minute ago some babe with a $40,000 boob job pulled into the driveway in a Ferrari and  he took off with her."

Or this.

"He just left a few minutes ago. A police car pulled up a few minutes ago and carted him off.  I'm expecting him to call me and after go and I bail him out  I'll tell him you called."

"He said he was going out flying. Right now there's a small plane buzzing the neighborhood so I would imagine he's in the air now."

Here's another. This one was a classic. When he was identified I made it clear I just wanted him gotten rid of.

"He ain't here.  He went to $hit and the hogs ate him... huh?...Them's pretty mean hog we got in these here parts!"

My favorite was when a friend of mine that is also a former GI handled a call. It was pretty good. I was packing to go to Camp Perry for a shooting match. The person that called knew I was a shooter.

"Sergeant Moore speaking...No, this is Piccolo's cell phone. It's in a box here and there's a note telling me to answer it... No, I don't know where he is. He's that older guy, right?... He left with Major Hernandez and a couple of NCOs...No, I don't know where they are going and to tell you the truth I don't want to know where they are going... He looked pretty old to be making a full gear  jump. Wait, he did leave a way to get in touch with him, though...The note says to go on 14.332 Mhz SSB at 1200 Zulu and ask on the net there. It says he checks in there most mornings... Airborne, Sir. All the way."

"I dunno. I think he's taking the stripper he picked up last night back home...I'll tell him to call you."

"Who the hell knows? Next time I see him I'll tell him you called."

"Piccolo? Is he that guy that lives here sometimes?"

It's pretty good having the neighbors trained.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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