My entire LIFE has been a cruise on Petro Chem Tours. The LAST thing I want to do is go on some kind of cruise boat.
The FIRST thing I would do is hunt down the skipper and tell him to give me a set of coveralls and put me to work, preferably in the bosun's locker or somewhere AND make sure I was welcome in the crew's mess ESPECIALLY if the crew was Filipino.
Of course I can hear the poor skipper saying, "But don't you want to enjoy the activities? Play shuffleboard or maybe enjoy a nice refreshing cocktail next to the pool? Or try your hand at gaming in our excellent casino?"
"How about NO? Just give me a watch to stand and let me eat with the crew."
"But our gourmet buffet is open and you could enjoy fine dining."
(Fine dining is a waste on me. I'd generally rather check out the meat loaf at Moe's Diner or something like that. Yes, really. Besides little diners like that generally make the best fries and shakes)
"Nah. You guys don't put enough grease in things, especially breakfasts. Hell, you don't even make a decent SOS!"
Actually that wouldn't be too bad hanging out with a bunch of Filipinos and eating Filipino food. It kinda sounds like a pretty good time but I doubt the cruise line people would permit it.
Instead I'd have to dine in a dining area with a bunch of pretentious jerks and listen to how their wonderful son got into Hah-vud Medical school when most likely their little Einstein is sitting in the stir somewhere cooling his heels after his third drug related burglary arrest.
I'd have to deal with the social director who would try and steer me to go and play Bingo with a bunch of fuddy-duddys when actually I'd probably rather get rip roaring drunk with some working stiff that feels the same way I do about things like that.
Or worse yet, picture finding out at the last minute that it's a Disney Cruise aimed at children and having someone wake you up to bring the kids (which I DON'T have) to the exciting Mickey Mouse Morning Extravaganza.
That happened to a friend of mine that went on one that was a Disney cruise and while he did have small children, they woke him up to bring the kids to whatever.
He blew a fuse and told her that (in so many words) he was going to sodomize her if she ever woke them up again.
My wife would go off like a skyrocket if I said something like that to somebody. His (immigrant) wife had a pretty good sense of humor over his conniption and said, "I bring camera!"
Of course they got to sleep in as they saw fit after that but who needs it?
Then you have the idiots afterwards that want to hear all about the wonderful time you had and you can't really tell anyone you spent it working in the bosun's locker or the engine room getting greasy or splicing a 9 inch deck line or six.
I'd probably say something like "I had a great time! Why I have not been in a knife fight in over 40 years!"
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