Monday, February 13, 2012

Don't make the arrival of a baby sound like someone got a new car

Women do not understand men. There is something in their voice that when they say something you will always draw the wrong conclusion and give the wrong answer.

The lady of the house wandered in as I was reading the paper. "Shirley Bohm has a new baby," she said.

"Oh, yeah?" I answered. "I wonder what she did with the old one. Throw it in the dumpster? Craigslist it? You know that pretty little blond haired blue eyed old kid of hers would fetch a pretty penny if she sold her to an A-rab oil sheik if she hasn't ditched it already."

"What do you mean by 'what did she do with the old baby?'" she demanded.

"When Neighbor Bob got a new pickup he took the old one to the wrecking yard. Got two hundred skins for it. I just figured when Shirley got a new baby it just made sense to scrap out the old one."

"What do you mean," she cried. "She didn't sell her daughter!"

"Oh, a trade-in, huh?" I asked. "You know, you generally get beaten up pretty badly in a trade. The dealer generally gives you wholesale on a trade-in and ships the kid overseas somewhere. The Japanese have a fascination with blond hair and the A-rabs go nuts over it. If she sells the old baby herself she can make out pretty good. Some of them oil sheiks would cough up some serious change for a little blond haired girl."

"She didn't sell any of her children!" she shrieked. "What are you thinking!"

"Well, generally when you get something new you toss out the old one," I replied. "At least you do when you're just replacing somethin'. Remember when Dick Moran divorced Carol a few years ago? He just remarried and now he has a new wife to replace he old one. Actuallly he got a pretty good deal on the one he just married. He sorta just scrapped Carol out, though. I don't think he'd have gotten anything for her, even on Craigslist. When you think about it, just getting rid of her was a pretty good deal."

"Shirley just had a new baby to add to her growing family," she explained.

"Oh. Why didn't you say so." I replied. "You made it sound like she was trading her four year old daughter in for a new model instead of adding to her family."

I went back to reading my newspaper.

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