Thursday, February 2, 2012

I am posting on a little dinky netbook

because the usual combat laptop is calibrating a battery.

Yesterday I was out and about and some youngster clerking behind a register asked me how I was doing. He's a regular of mine and sometimes plays along with me. There was a stuffy looking woman behind me.

"How ya doin?" asked the kid.

"Not worth a rat's ass," I replied. "I just found out my dad got his girlfriend pregnant. Ninty two years old and running around with some go go girl he hooked up with last year. When is he going to grow up?"

Now I know the kid is sharp. He knows this is a pile of crap. He also knows how to help draw the nosy woman into this with his body language. He's pretty sharp, like I said.

SUre enough the nosy woman couldn't let this one sit still.

"Did I overheard you right that you father is going to be a father again and he's 92?" She asked.

"You heard what I said," I replied. "Now I have to tell everyone I know that I'm going to have a kid sister 60 years younger than me. How would you like it?"

"He's ninety-two?" she asked.

"Yeah, he hasn't been the same since Ma got killed," I said. "He gets coked up every so often and drags strippers home. He lives with me now and it takes days to get the smell of cheap perfume out of the house. They leave the place smelling like a French whorehouse!"

"Really?" she asked, and right then and there we knew we had a live one.

"I heard about your mother getting killed," said the kid. "I believe she got killed in a knife fight."

"Yeah," I said to the kid. "On a wet T-shirt night at the Kit Kat club."

"Yeah, I'll bet she'd have won that one but some little jealous hussy shanked her," I replied. "Dad hasn't been the same since. He's been a pain in the ass."

The woman interrupted. "Drugs? Does he still drive? How come the police haven't arrested him?"

"Lotta good the cops are," I replied. "They think it's funny seeing a 92 year old guy coked up with a 20 something year old stripper in tow. They just say they hope they're that frisky when they are that age and let him slide."

I paid for my stuff and left and about ten minutes later I returned to the scene of the crime. The kid saw me and he smiled the biggest smile I have seen in some time.

"You had her ALL worked up," said the kid. "Wait until I tell the manager. He's still laughing himself silly over the time you told Claris you have just eloped with a 16 year old."

"That's the second one this week and it is only Tuesday," I replied, turning around. I heard him laugh.

Clerking in a Lowes sometimes need a little help and I am alway glad to oblige.

my other blog is:

No comments:

Post a Comment