Monday, February 20, 2012

For trade: B-52 survival kit circa 1963.

This survival kit contains the following.

One forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days' concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings.

Will trade for a pretty good weekend in Vegas.

I was tempted to post this as an ad just for the amusement of others but I have decided against it for pretty good reason.

Of course most people remember this as being the contents of Major Kong's survival kit in the movie "Dr. Strangelove", a Cold War classic movie. Something like this in the want ads would create an awful lot of needed laughter. It is one of the most memorable Slim Pickens scenes that ever hit the silver screen.

However there are quite a few people that are not too bright.

While an ad like this might go over a lot of people's heads that have not seen the movie, most would just either shine it on or ask someone about it and when it was explained to them they would either smirk or even rent the movie on DVD to see what they have missed.

However there are certainly a lot of idiots out there that would start babbling away and take the ad straight down to the local police station and make a stink.

"Look! What's this? Here's some guy trying to sell guns and illegal drugs! Yada yada yada. You gotta do something about this before he ruins the children. What? What? What? Whaddya mean it's some guy's idea of a joke?

This guy is trying to ply narcotics on our kids! Do something!"
Of course any older cop would look at the ad and crack up laughing, but these days you never know about some of the younger ones.

I am not picking on the police when I say this. The truth is that the higher up the chain a complaint of such an ad went, the more serious it would become. This, of course, is no new thing as stupidity tends to work its way up the chain. Just look at Congress. That's enough proof there.

While most working cops would smile at the ad and show it to each other, "Hey! Check this out! I found a good one!" and there would be laughter in the locker room.

"Boy, someone sure has an odd sense of humor."

A sergeant reading it would chuckle.

A lieutenant would grunt.

A captain would scowl and tell narcotics to check the guy that wrote this ad out.

An ADA would look all serious and tell narcotics to get a man on it and track the writer of the ad down.

The DA would start looking at re-election and start to plan a way to take the entire ad out of context and convince a jury that someone out there is trying to ply schoolchildren with narcotics and sell them deadly handguns.

I suppose that if I were hauled in and charged with something I would elect for a jury trial and simply show the jury the scene in the movie and get the case laughed out of court but it sure isn't worth the hassle.

Then again maybe it is. It would sure be fun watching a DA build a huge case only to shoot it down by showing the jury one of the best scenes Hollywood ever produced.

I wonder how much money it would cost to take an ad out in the local paper?
Then again, I suppose it is not worth getting my house torn up for by a couple of detectives with a warrant.

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  1. My favorite movie of all time...

    "Gentlemen; you can't fight in here, this is the WAR Room!"

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    People really should avert their gaze from the modern survival thinking for just a bit and also look at

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    Survival Things Our Great Grandfathers Did Or Built Around The House!