Saturday, March 21, 2015

Your mother lied to you.

She told you you were smart, handsome, intelligent, clever and going to be the President of the United States some day.

And you sit there in your mom's basement playing X-Box waiting for the American Public to show up and demand that you come out to accept the presidency.

She lied to you. You're not going anywhere.

Let's look back at school.

Were you taking calculus in 8th grade?

Did you take it in your junior year of high school? Did you take it at all? No?

Well, it looks like NASA isn't going to call you to run on down to the Kennedy Space Center to take charge of the space shuttle project. Might as well chalk that one off. That's not going to happen.

Of course, you know you're smart and clever and NASA is willing to overlook the fact that you can barely count.

After all, your mother told you how smart and clever you are. And you are. After all, you're some kind of Grand Wizard on Dungeons and Dragons.

If Dungeons and Dragons paid cash money, you'd be rich!

But it doesn't so you have to go to Fast Burgers for a four-hour shift to make some money for a new X-Box controller which is going to take months to save for even though it is not all that expensive.

After all, you've got some partying to do. Six-packs cost money and don't last very long. 

Of course, you can make excuses, but the sooner you realize that your mother lied to you and you're not going to magically become president the better off you will be.

You can face fact, get a job of some sort, look at your options and see what kind of schooling and training you can get and start trying to make a life for yourself.

Don't hold it against your mother that she lied to you, though. She's supposed to. It is in her DNA.

Every mother that gives birth wants to believe she's given birth to a future president.

The best thing you can do is get out of the basement and on with life. She may be a little sad that you don't get elected to the Oval Office but she'll learn to be proud of you if you wind up a reasonably successful carpenter or heating guy.

Now get the hell out of your mom's basement.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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