Wednesday, June 1, 2016

This will go on your permanent record

is not anything new. When I was a kid teachers would say that to us. What a crock!

I think that the so-called 'permanent record' threat goes back a lot further than that. My guess is it goes back to WW2 but it may very well go back even further than that. Whatever.

A few years back I was having a drink with a now retired Marine Gunny. The man was a chick magnet. He was yakking with some chick that was kind of an airhead. When he got up to pee she asked me what I did.

I old her I worked for the Department of Permanent Records. She looked confused.

"Haven't you ever had someone tell you that something may go on your permanent record?" I asked.

"Yeah, but isn't that something teachers used to tell us to keep us in line?" she countered.

"It was until about eight or ten years ago. Then the federal government decided that setting one up was a good idea," I answered. "I have been working for them for the past six years."

"Really?" she asked.

"Absolutely," I answered.

"Do I have one?" she asked.

"Want to see what's on yours?" I asked, answering a question with a question.

"Yes, I do," she said.

So I picked up my cell and called one of my sisters, both of who are pretty quick on the uptake. "Hello, Tom? Looks like you got the duty tonight, huh?" My sis knew the call was something off the wall and simply said yes and listened.

"Yeah, Tom. Jerk a record and read it to me. Out of school." I said to my sister who quietly chuckled.

I turned to her and asked her for her name and social security number which she stupidly gave me. I fed it into the phone to my amused sister. The I waited for a brief period.

"What? You don't have one on her? Better make a note of it and start one," I said.

My sis, who was listening quietly laughed as the chick went into a panic.

"No, no, no, no! Don't start one! Please!" she pleaded.

"Sorry, but an inquiry like this automatically gets one started," I replied.

By this time the Gunny had returned and had figured out what was going on. He looked at her.

"I can get the Marine Corps to pull the record for an inquiry," he said. "Then I can get a friend of mine to make it go away."

She looked relieved.

"Let me know your social in the morning and I'll get on it when I get to work," he said.

And with that the Gunny got lucky.

To find out why the blog is pink just cut and paste this: NO ANIMALS WERE HARMED IN THE WRITING OF TODAY'S ESSAY

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